


Make a Wish: Erogaki Birthday Series

by Shinocchi



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Birthday Fluff, Character Study, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Frottage, Hand Jobs, M/M, Marriage, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Prompt Fic, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-02-03 23:08:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 54,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1759253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of fics & drabbles written for Noiz's birthday. </p><p>Fourth year writing for Noiz's birthday :')</p><p><b>Updated</b>:</p><p>Prompt #17: Hello Again [Noiz x Aoba]<br/>Prompt #18: Dominance[Noiz x Aoba]<br/>Prompt #19: One & Only [Noiz x Aoba]<br/>Prompt #20: History Repeats [Noiz x Aoba]<br/>Prompt #21: Snip! [Noiz x Aoba]<br/> </p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Definition of A Family [Noiz x Aoba]

**Author's Note:**

> So I accepted prompts & requests for Noiz's birthday and these are the results. A mix of different pairings, different genres, and tbh, a mix of everything.
> 
> Forgive me if there are some discrepancies in terms of writing style and errors and so forth. 
> 
> Thanks for reading :)
> 
> ******
> 
> He'd asked Noiz countless times about what he wanted for his birthday, but every time he'd received an unsatisfactory answer; but little did he know that there was something else that was lurking at the back of his boyfriend's mind.
> 
> Something Noiz had never told Aoba before.
> 
> *******
> 
> Prompt #1 for Noiz's birthday!  
> for [Sarah](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ceasefire). 
> 
> Prompt: NoiAo - the birthday wish Noiz makes that can't be mentioned in polite company.
> 
> It was supposed to be a drabble but it ended up as this monster piece ;;;;;;
> 
> Self-beta'd and I apologize for any mistakes & errors.

He wasn't sure how long he had been staring at himself in the mirror. No matter how many times he'd tried to tie his high ponytail, something still felt wrong, his frustration further intensified when he couldn't even pinpoint what  _exactly_ went wrong. Giving out a loud sigh, he brought a hand up to ruffle his hair before taking the hair band off. He was about to retie his ponytail for the umpteenth time when he heard a knock from the washroom door.

"Aoba-san, are you ready?"

He jumped at the voice, clumsily trying to make himself look more presentable when a slender blond entered the space. 

"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized, but instantly broke into a smile the moment he saw the small pout Aoba was wearing on his face. Aoba was still desperately trying to to put his hair in place as he stood next to him.

"Do you need help, Aoba-san?" the cheerful blond asked. But Aoba merely shook his head. A few seconds later while Aoba tampered with his hair, he turned around and finally attended to the other man.

"I'm almost done," he said in a hurried tone. "Did Noiz send you here? Tell him I won't escape, I'm gonna be there soon."

The bright guy gave out a small laugh upon hearing the reply and he moved closer to Aoba. Grabbing the comb by the sink, he tugged gently on Aoba's hand, hinting him to leave the seemingly complicated matter to him.

"Yes, bruder asked me to come, not to check on you, but to see if you need any help." He smiled tenderly as he released the ungraceful bundle of hair off Aoba's hair. "Now I can see why he insisted me to come," he continued.

Aoba blushed in response as he lowered his head, unwilling to look the younger man in the eye.

"I.... can handle it by myself," he muttered, feeling a stab to his egoism. Ever since they'd moved to Germany together, Noiz was undoubtedly concerned towards Aoba's needs, to the extent that he tended to become overly anxious when Aoba expressed a slight hint of discomfort every now and then. Keeping an eye on him seemed to have become a responsibility. Even when Aoba was undeniably happy with it, sometimes he couldn't help but feel a bit useless especially when he couldn't handle simple errands like doing the grocery shopping or ordering them dinner thanks to his incompetent German. But things had gotten better now that Aoba was getting better with the language and he'd been a great help in managing both of their lives. Yet, when it came to big occasions like today, he couldn't help but feel a bit... edgy about the way he present himself and the way he did things, his self-conscious constantly sending an unknown wave of tension into his stomach .

"Bruder knows that you could, but he also knows that you tend to turn into a worrywart when it comes to formal occasions like this and.... we're done!"

His boyfriend's brother handed the pocket comb back to him as he lifted his head up to look at the mirror. The strands of hair he didn't seem to be able to secure in place no matter how hard he tried were now neatly tied. The unfamiliar hairstyle that he'd struggled with in the past hour was now perfectly smartened up in a way that made him look presentable enough.

"Shall we go?"

Nodding, Aoba pocketed the comb, took one final look at himself in the mirror, and left the washroom with the bubbly man, feeling a skip of his heart beat when the gigantic door of the hotel ballroom came into view.

 

The overwhelmed sight left him gaping in awe as he stood frozen, unsure if this was even the right place for him to be. This wasn't the first time he felt so out of place. Sure, he'd experienced a similar extravagance over time - what with the constant company dinners and lunches he had to attend with Noiz - but he was still having trouble adapting to the contrast. Rooted at the same spot, he felt his paranoia washing over him, causing him to unconsciously tamper with his hair again. When the tall guy from before realized that he wasn't following him in, he strolled back to Aoba, still smiling cheerfully at him as he tapped him on the shoulder and instantly snapping him back to reality.

"Is something wrong?" he asked, the excitement obvious in his voice but all Aoba could feel was a rush of self-conscious as he glanced around the place again, attempting to find a spot where he could feel more belonging.

As he quietly marked on places where he could hang out by himself, he felt a sudden poke against his side and he jumped, only to realize that he was now facing his boyfriend. Scowling, Noiz lurched forward and pulled him back into the place.

"What's taking you so long?" Noiz asked, impatience written all over his features as he looked over to his brother for an explanation. "I was about to look for you."

Pouting, Aoba hastily shook Noiz's hand off as he walked into the hall without giving his boyfriend an answer. As his brother smiled apologetically at him, Noiz rushed up to Aoba and took his hand in his. Aoba was about to pull himself off but Noiz's grip was firm and he knew that he'd unintentionally hurt the younger man if he was to do that in such a bold manner.

Noiz was just sensitive that way, he'd noticed that ever since he was exposed to his insecurity on the day they reunited after three months of not seeing each other.

“I sincerely apologize for my delay. I hope I didn't disrupt any of your operational functions with my inconsiderate behavior,” Aoba responded in a purposely heightened tone, the intentional provocation drew a deeper frown in between Noiz’s eyebrows.

“What’s with the formality? Just be yourself, I’m not really particular with that,” Noiz commented nonchalantly as he led both of them to a huge table.

 _You can’t say the same to the others_ , Aoba thought. He knew that Noiz wasn't really particular with how he acted in front of others but there were still protocols that they needed to follow and there was no way they could avoid that. Aoba had landed himself with a huge culture shock the first time he was exposed to this atmosphere. He’d taken months to get use to the abrupt sumptuousness but Noiz seemed to have a born talent when it came to managing protocols and knowing how to put on the right masks for the right occasions. He picked up fast and he didn’t have anything to worry about; but the same couldn’t be applied on Aoba. No matter how hard Noiz had tried to convince him that he’d always have his back, Aoba couldn't help but feel intimidated and awkward, sometimes he even felt as if he was unworthy to Noiz. Even after one year of living in Germany, he was still pretty unfamiliar with how things worked around here. He was still prone to mistakes, no matter how hard he tried to avoid them. The thought of getting Noiz into trouble because of him often sent chills throughout his body, causing his self-consciousness to take over his rationale at times.

Noiz was obviously well aware of this tendency of his and he’d tried his best not to probe Aoba too much on his overreacted behaviors, often ignoring them and concentrated on giving him the best comfort instead.

As they finally settled down, they were instantly greeted by bright smiles and more birthday greetings by their colleagues, most of them from their own company and some from their partners. It was Noiz’s birthday celebration. They had thought of passing this grand celebration but by the time they found out about it, all the preparations were already completed and it was too late for them to pull out, leaving them no choice but to obey to the surrounding demands.

Aoba wasn't too happy with the idea, though. Not only that he wasn't used to such formal occasions, but it was also because he already had his own plan with Noiz and whatever they had in plan was a total opposite of where they had landed themselves in. Noiz obviously noticed his hesitance. As sharp as he always was, he’d confronted Aoba before they left the office and told him that he’d try to sneak them out as soon as possible.

That initiative effectively brightened Aoba up a little.

But even so, the formal setting he was currently in intimidated him to no end, causing him to gradually losing his composure as he forcefully faked a smile whenever he made eye contact with someone. While Aoba was obviously feeling out of place, Noiz was a total opposite. He’d attended to all the questions and greetings directed to him with such a graceful manner that made Aoba wonder if he was the same Noiz he’d known from Midorijima. Chuckling at himself, he paced out of the small table talks while indulging himself in the thoughts of Rhyme player Noiz battling in a suit. It felt as if a century had passed when Aoba had first met Noiz in the Rhyme field with his bunny suit. He was still having hard times recognizing the fact that this person beside him had become his boyfriend and had turned into someone so _different_ in mere months’ time. The unintentional giggle, however, caught Noiz’s attention as he glanced sideways at Aoba and gave him a small smile before continuing with his conversation. Nothing brightened him more than seeing Aoba being happy.

When Aoba thought that he’d continue with his own thoughtless imagination to help him pass time, his wish was crumbled into dust when he heard something that captured his attention and pulled him away from his own mind.

“Noiz-kun, can you tell us what’s your birthday wish?” a young lady asked, a wine glass in her hand as she stared expectantly at Noiz.

Realizing that it was the same woman who had been trying to get her hands on Noiz ever since his boyfriend had started working in the company, Aoba felt a surge of jealousy spreading across his chest as he scowled before shifting his gaze to Noiz, who was elegantly sipping on his own wine without any apparent response. But Aoba had known him well enough to figure out that he was actually considering the question through the way his gaze deepened upon hearing the question.

Noiz had never told him anything about what he wanted for his birthday. No matter how many times he asked, the younger man tended to just brush it off. He’d told him endless times that he already had everything he needed and there wasn't any need for Aoba to make a fuss over it.

But that was the answer he’d given him when _Aoba_ was the one asking. Will his answer change if others were to be the ones asking instead?

Burning to know the answer, Aoba locked his gaze on Noiz as the birthday boy finally lowered down his wine glass.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” he started. Then, shooting a smirk at Aoba, he turned back to the crowd and continued. “I don’t think I have anything else I need.”

“Aww, I don’t believe it. There must be something you want,” the young lady from before pestered. “Something like… what do you vision yourself doing in the future?”

Secretly admiring the woman’s probing skill, Aoba forcefully suppressed the uncontrollable jealousy in him as he swallowed the lump in his throat, his eyes now back at Noiz. This time, he was surprised to see that his boyfriend was actually considering the question, a contrast with how he usually acted when _Aoba_ was the one who threw him the exact same inquiry.

“Hmm,” Noiz thought out loud. “It would be nice to have a… family.”

“But you _already_ have a family!”

This time, it was another young lady who had exclaimed as she smiled at Noiz’s brother, who scratched the back of his head with a shy look on his face.

“No, it’s not that. Something like..” Noiz paused. “..a baby.”

Noiz’s answer frozen the atmosphere around them as the entire desk stared at him, stunned. Realizing that he’d unintentionally blurted an absurd statement out, Noiz frantically picked up the wine glass and took huge gulp of the red liquid down his throat to hide his inelegance. The undefined uneasiness in Aoba was even more pronounced now that Noiz had finally mentioned something he’d never told Aoba before. But what _really_ unsettled Aoba was the fact that there was _no way_ he’d be able to grant that wish and it was making him feel extremely miserable about himself.

When he finally got back from his own realm of thoughts, the young lady was already moving closer to Noiz, the grin on her face disturbingly annoying and he clenched his fist while he witnessed the way she inched her hand closer to Noiz’s.

“Probably that means it’s time for Noiz-kun to find a partner,” she whispered.

“That’s not necessary. I’ve already got one,” Noiz immediately rejected the idea. He was about to reach out to pull Aoba closer, to once again remind everyone that they were together but he was two seconds too late when the woman gripped on his chin and forced him to fix his gaze on her.

“Let me correct that, probably Noiz-kun needs someone who could give you a baby.”

No longer able to endure the situation, Aoba stood up abruptly – instantly turning a few heads towards his direction – and struggled out of his seat.

“I don’t really care, as long as Aoba’s with me we can try—“

He didn't wait to listen to the rest of Noiz's words as he made a dash out of the ballroom and only stopped when he was a good distance away from the place. Leaning against the gigantic golden-painted door which he suspected belonged to a conference room, he took deep breaths to calm himself down as he attempted to grasp a better hold of his discomposed mind. It was a bad habit of his that he couldn't get rid of. Whenever he found himself under intense pressure, the first thing that popped up in his mind was to escape from the problem and block himself off all interactions. Not to mention his tendency to overwork his thoughts and ended up creating non-existing problems, which occasionally worsened the situation.

As he finally calmed himself down, he heard footsteps echoing down the corridor and he looked up to see Noiz’s brother pacing hurriedly towards him.

“There you are!” he exclaimed, catching his breath while he stood in front of Aoba. “Noiz is looking for you!”

Aoba frowned slightly upon the mention of the name. He wasn’t even sure why he was so worked up over the situation. Noiz had did nothing wrong. He was merely voicing out his thoughts. There shouldn’t be a limit to what he wanted in his life. It was nothing serious. It was just something he’d never told Aoba before.

 _Something he’d never told Aoba before_.

Did he refrain himself from telling Aoba this because he knew that there was no way Aoba could help him with that wish?

Feeling his mind at the verge of breaking down, Aoba shook his head, attempting to shake the unnecessary thoughts off. He knew that it might not be the case but he simply couldn't ignore the possibility, his tensed up thoughts overtaking his justification once again.

“Aoba-san, are you okay?”

He brushed the hand off his shoulder as he straightened up and turned his back towards the brother. Deciding that staying here longer wouldn't do him any good, he was about to take a leave when another set of hurried footsteps echoed behind him and he looked over his shoulder just in time to see Noiz running towards them.

“Hold on to him!” He heard him calling out to his brother before he felt a strong grip on his wrist, halting his movement.

It took only a few seconds for Noiz to finally catch up with them. Immediately grabbing onto Aoba’s waist, he turned him around and pulled him closer, lifting his chin up so that he was forced to look him in the eyes.

“What are you thinking leaving me like that? Do you have any idea how worried I am?” he scolded, fury obvious in his tone.

“I’m an adult. I know how to take care of myself. There’s no need to worry about me,” Aoba retorted, mirroring Noiz’s scowl and attempting to struggle out of his embrace at the same time.

Instead of replying, Noiz clicked his tongue and dragged Aoba down the corridor.

“Wait, where are we going?” Aoba panted as he struggled to catch up with Noiz’s rapid pace.

“Home,” Noiz replied with an indifferent tone.

“But the celebration..”

“Who cares about that.”

The hostility was apparent in his tone and it silenced Aoba up effectively as he allowed himself to be hauled towards the entrance of the hotel and into a limousine, where Noiz instructed the driver to bring them back to their apartment.

 

Aoba pulled his hair band off right after he’d settled his shoes on the shoe rack. While Noiz was locking the door, he was already making his way up to their bedroom. Eyeing him suspiciously, Noiz followed without another word, unsure of how to approach this rigid air of atmosphere.

When he walked into the bedroom, Aoba was taking off his coat, throwing it unceremoniously on the bed while Noiz mirrored his action. Once he put his own coat beside Aoba’s, he moved towards him and hugged his boyfriend from behind.

Stunned with the sudden intimacy, Aoba froze, hands stopping in the process of loosening his tie as he shot a side way glare at Noiz.

“What?”

“Are you angry?” Noiz asked with a small voice. It was obvious that he was approaching the uneasiness between them with a cautious pace and Aoba was almost glad that he’d decided to take the first step. Knowing Aoba, he’d probably spent more time stabbing his own egoism rather than talking through the problem with his boyfriend.

“I’m not,” Aoba replied.

“You sure?”

“I'm not angry,” he repeated, shooting another glare at Noiz before he continued. “But I’ll be if you don’t let me go.”

The threat worked. Obediently releasing Aoba, Noiz continued staring at him as the pouting man took off his shirt and proceeded to retrieve his casual clothing from the wardrobe. When he noticed that Noiz was still fixing his gaze at every one of his action, he scowled.

“What?”

“You’re going for a shower?” Noiz asked, for a lack of better things to say.

Aoba’s scowl deepened. “Obviously?”

But he regretted the instant he rolled the word out as he witnessed the distressing look on Noiz’s face. Feeling a stab in his heart, he quickly strolled towards the younger man and ruffled his hair.

“Don’t worry. I’m not angry, okay?” he reassured.

Without knowing what to say, Noiz merely stared as Aoba made his way into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, a loud thump echoed throughout the room. No matter how hard Aoba had tried to assure him, there was no way Noiz would miss the troubled look he had been wearing on his face ever since they were on their way back from the hotel. Something was bothering him and it showed from his behaviors. This was the first time Noiz encountered this kind of situation and it put him into a state of helplessness. Sure, they might have had their fair amount of fights over the one year they had been living together, but those were merely mindless fights that were solved effortlessly in the next second. But this was the first time Aoba had given Noiz such a huge reaction to the extent that he could almost see a tall, firm wall forming in between them.

That feeling scared Noiz. And it made him feel lonely all over again.

 

Aoba gave out a loud sigh when he finally got into his own personal space. He was extremely frustrated with himself. It was supposed to be a joyful day and he shouldn’t act all immature and ended up spoiling such an important day for his boyfriend. Eventually, his frustration evolved into fury as he recklessly took his remaining clothing off and turned the shower head on. While he waited for the water to warm up, he stood in front of the bathroom mirror, hands gripping on the edge of the sink hard enough to feel the tingle at the tips of his fingers.

He needed an outlet to release his irritation but all he had now was an oversize bathroom and his own dangerously overwhelmed mind, which were doing nothing but making him feel even worse. Noiz had done so much for him; he had always been his priority ever since they started going out. What rights did he have to get jumpy over something as small as this? Or rather, _why_ did he feel the need to overreact so badly? Realizing that he might have unintentionally hurt Noiz because of his hostile behavior, Aoba hit his head again and again against the bathroom mirror, guilt now overtaking his nerves.

_Something like… a baby._

As soon as he was reminded of the way Noiz blurted those words out – which was incredibly tender and filled with so much want there was no way Aoba could forget it so easily – he shook his head violently, attempting to shake away the burning intention to punch his own reflection in the mirror. He never knew that Noiz was yearning for something like that. Unsure if he was being too insensitive to realize it or he simply didn't know Noiz well enough, he was mad at himself for unable to notice what Noiz _really_ wanted despite them being so close for over a year already. Sinking into a huge mess of pessimism, he opened the tap and splashed his face with water to calm himself down. Probably he wasn't in the right condition to be left alone now; probably he needed to talk to someone; probably that someone was Noiz.

As he looked up again, the steam from the shower was already fogging the mirror, causing him to see nothing but an indistinct outline of himself. With the intention to wash unnecessary thoughts off his mind, he walked over and stood under the shower nozzle, allowing the powerful jests of water stream over his face and his body.

He was about to reach out for the shampoo when he heard knocks from the door.

“Aoba?”

Caught off guard, he replied frantically.

“Y-Yes?!”

“I was wondering if I could join you,” Noiz’s voice was small over the sound of the shower but Aoba managed to capture his every word.

Perhaps Noiz was also dealing with his own contradictions. And knowing Noiz, he’d rather do something about the situation than sitting around waiting for things to settle by themselves. If he was to reject him now, it’d probably hurt him even more and ended up pushing him away further. That would definitely not do them any good.

Coughing softly, Aoba responded.

“Alright.”

Noiz took a while to finally step into the now-damped floor. Averting his gaze, Aoba turned his back towards him while he listened to his nearing footsteps. Purposely ignoring him, he reached out for the shampoo bottle again and poured some into his palm before he started scrubbing his chest.

No matter how ignorant he tried to be, there was no way he could ignore the fact that there was _another_ person in the same private space as he was. Even more so when Noiz was literally standing behind him now, the tension between them arose rapidly with every passing second. While the jests of water damped him from head to toe, he lifted his head, feeling the stream of water washing over him as he indulged himself in this temporary escapade. After a while, he opened his eyes and blinked, rivulets of water coursing down his face and temporarily blinding him before it became too much to bear as he moved his face out of the way so that he could see properly. As he did that, he jolted and moved a few steps back just to hit his back against Noiz’s bare chest. Anxious, he was about to move out of the way when Noiz wrapped his hands around his waist, holding him in place and pressing his back firmly against his naked torso.

“Don’t run away from me,” Noiz whispered as he pressed his lips against the back of Aoba’s neck, the taste of cold water that had managed to slip into his tongue further riling him up.

Noiz was still dry, and as he slipped his hands to rest his palms on Aoba’s slim hips, the feeling of cold skin that had yet to make contact with the warmness of the shower water made the latter jump. Finally acknowledging the fact that there was no way he could ignore him any longer, Aoba looked over his shoulder, the mesmerizing pair of lime green eyes instantly sending shivers all over his body.

Noiz took the advantage to turn him around. Ignoring the sound of shower now disturbingly overtaking the sounds of their small hitches of breath, he pressed Aoba against the wall, the jolt of cold that sent electric shocks all over Aoba’s body when he hit the tiles causing him to shiver involuntarily.

“Sorry,” Noiz muttered.

“Ah, it’s okay. It didn't hurt,” Aoba replied, assuming that Noiz was apologizing for his sudden action.

“No, sorry for worrying you,” Noiz clarified, his voice still small but was now filled with unmistakable hint of guilt.

Aoba took a while but when he finally realized what Noiz was implying, he shook his head.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. He wanted to explain more but he couldn't figure out exactly how to organize his thoughts out, especially not when he was still in a state of mess himself.

“No matter what, you can’t deny that I’m part of the reason you’re feeling like this now,” Noiz interrupted.

Aoba was pretty sure that Noiz didn't even know what the cause of his emotional racket was. But the moment Noiz mouthed his apologies out, he immediately realized that his own frustration was the least of his concern now. Noiz was _scared_. He was afraid that Aoba would leave him and he couldn't bear that thought, as much as how Aoba couldn't stand the idea of Noiz leaving him for someone else.

The realization drew a small smile out of Aoba as he reached out to pat on Noiz’s hair before he tiptoed to kiss Noiz on the nose. Noiz had grown a fair bit of height over the year, which had put Aoba in a constant state of contradictions. He was concerned with how tall more his young boyfriend could grow but at this point of time, he felt nothing but happiness when his lips made their way to the bridge of Noiz’s nose, where he used to have his bridge piercings and when there was no need for Aoba to tiptoe to be able to kiss them. It didn’t matter after all. No matter how much Noiz tended to outgrow him, what mattered most was that he was growing healthily and that was all Aoba wanted for him.

When the thought of what he wanted for Noiz crossed his mind, he was suddenly reminded of the initial reason that had caused this whole commotion and he froze, his hesitation obvious from the way he retreated and sank back to lean against the wall.

“What’s the matter?” Noiz asked.

Another ‘Nothing’ would probably leave the problem hanging. Swallowing hard, Aoba looked determinedly at Noiz, distracting him away from the rivulets of water running down the contours of Aoba’s face as he shifted his attention back to the matter in hand.

“Are you… serious about wanting a baby?” Aoba finally voiced out as he, once again, tried to avoid Noiz’s gaze. But the shock on Noiz’s face locked his gaze on his feature as Noiz gave out a small laugh before he proceeded to hold Aoba’s face in his hands.

“That was the reason why you were angry?” the young man asked, visibly trying to hide his laughter.

“I wasn’t angry!” Aoba retorted.

“But it was disturbing you, right?” Noiz probed.

Aoba scowled at him before he nodded. Sighing softly, Noiz pulled him into a hug.

“I’m sorry for causing you so much pressure,” he muttered against Aoba’s shoulder.

“But that's really what you want?” Aoba asked again, still unwilling to drop the subject until he’d gotten the answer.

“I’ve thought about that but I guess what I _really_ wanted,” Noiz said as he broke their embrace and cupped Aoba’s face to look him in the eyes. “..is a family.”

His answer almost sent tears to Aoba’s eyes. Feeling himself trembling even more, he gripped on Noiz’s arm, the slickness of their skins against each other urging him to grip on them harder so that he could properly feel Noiz’s warmth against his palms.

“I’m… sorry,” he muttered, the guilt from before started consuming him all over again. He thought he’d understood Noiz enough but apparently, his insecurity had gotten the better of him and at the end of the day, he was causing nothing but more pain for him.

“Don’t be,” Noiz urged. “If you’re wondering if I didn't tell you because you can’t give me a baby, then I can tell you that you’re wrong. I didn't tell you because I've already got you. You’re my family. That’s all I ever need.”

This time, his words effectively drew the tears out of Aoba, the sourness he felt from his nose being the final trigger for him to burst into tear as the trail of water mingled with the rivulets of water on his contours. Upon seeing that, Noiz gave him another smile and leaned forward to kiss his eyes, licking the tears away in the process.

Feeling a heavy weight lifted off his chest, Aoba wrapped his arms around Noiz’s neck as they locked gaze with each other for what seemed like forever. The gathering steam between them was starting to distort their view until Noiz pulled Aoba closer and brought their lips together. They were damped, and as they slid their tongues over each other, not even the loud echoes of the shower water could cover the soft moans that slipped between their mouths.

When they separated their kiss, they panted heavily, both in a hot state of mess – glistening wet, hot, and aroused.

When Aoba thought that they’d take things further from here, Noiz grabbed a sponge from the shelf and squeezed a good amount of shampoo on it before he gave Aoba a smirk and pressed the sponge against his front, scrubbing soap across his chest and carefully cleaning every inch of his torso.

“N-Noiz..”

“Allow me to compensate for my mistake,” Noiz muttered nonchalantly, the smirk never left his face.

As he applied pressure on Aoba’s sensitive buds, the latter moaned out loud. Taking that as a trigger, Noiz leaned forward and pressed his lips against Aoba’s neck, sucking on the spot and continued scrubbing on his torso at the same time.

“You smell so nice,” Noiz murmured into Aoba’s neck before kissing it again. The hot breath Aoba felt against his skin forced ragged puffs out of his mouth, the echo of his own voice urging him to cover his mouth with the back of his hand as he leaned limped against the cold wall.

Noiz had stopped scrubbing then. Skillfully diverting Aoba’s attention with his tongue, he moved it to just above his collarbone as he licked the droplets of water that had gathered on his chin before giving it a small kiss that drew a hitch of breath out of Aoba. When he proceeded to press soft, delicate kisses against his throat, Noiz let out a small sigh that was instantly responded by Aoba’s own messy ones. Satisfied with the response, he lifted himself up after giving Aoba’s neck another soft kiss and stared at the flustered man.

The steam in the bathroom painted a layer of haze in their minds as Aoba’s vision flickered at the sight in front of him. Noiz was only inches away from him and he could clearly make out the patches of redness on his skin that was produced out of heat and, possibly, desire.

“This is not what I’m expecting when I let you in,” Aoba pouted.

“I can’t help it. You’re too sexy when you’re all wet and aroused,” Noiz responded shamelessly, his voice thick with want.

The sponge was nowhere to be seen now and Aoba suspected it’d landed its fate in the bathtub. Without waiting for a response, Noiz started running his fingertip across Aoba’s jaw with a faint smirk spread across his face, visibly hinting at him. Even without words, Aoba got the message loud and clear.

Feeling warmer with every passing second, Aoba walked under the shower and bent into the spray, trembling involuntarily when the warmth crashed down over the crest of his head and along his back. He could no longer hear anything but the rushing water in his ears. He wasn't even sure if Noiz had said anything at all but the moment he felt Noiz’s hands on his hips, he decided that words weren't necessary after all.

Somehow, instead of the sponge he’d used earlier, Noiz now had a handful of shampoo as he started scrubbing his slippery hands along Aoba’s back, stopping occasionally to spread the slime substance across his front and slowly running his fingers into the dip of his spine. Breathing open-mouthed, Aoba had his forearm pressed against the tile and when there wasn't any movement from Noiz for a few seconds, he turned around to see the younger man giving him a smirk. Before he could mouth his question, Noiz leaned forward, chest pressing against Aoba’s back as he muttered softly into his ear.

“Do you like the way I touched you?”

His words went straight to Aoba’s groin, the blood rushing inhumanly into his half-erected length.

He didn't have the time to prepare mentally for what was to come when he felt Noiz’s hands pressing against his back. Rubbing and caressing every inch of his skin, he occasionally stopped at his shoulder blades to give him a momentary massage before he proceeded to rub at his front, where he took both of Aoba’s nipples between his fingers and applied slow, addictive pressure on them. The tension forced soft moans out of Aoba, the slickness of the skin contact further heightening his want as he started pushing his hips against Noiz, urging for more.

Triggered, Noiz moved his hand downwards and upon finding what he was looking for, he grinned and traced his wet finger across the head, spreading precum around the rim before he ran his palm across the length, stopping only when it was fully erected and when Aoba started thrusting into his hand.

“Noiz…” Aoba moaned, eyes closed and hands curled into a fist against the wall.

“A bit more, Aoba.”

As he said that, he slowly pressed his body flush along the curve of Aoba’s back, his length skittered between Aoba’s ass and his stomach. Giving out a deep breath, he stretched and reached out to grab on the lube on the shelf as he poured a good amount of it on his palm. Then, lifting himself up, he opened his legs enough to pump on his own cock, immediately feeling the ease of friction and the hardening of his own length as he continued planting small kisses along Aoba’s back.

“Noiz..” Aoba called out again, his voice came out in the form of small moans that instantly sent a sharp throb of desire over Noiz.

He shook violently when he felt Noiz’s slicked fingers press inside him, scissoring and opening him up enough before Noiz hold his hips firmly in place and pressed his own length against his hole. The first thrust was easy. The lacked of friction help Noiz to slide deep into him effortlessly. A few short thrusts later, he was completely in. The throbbing pulse in him caused Aoba to scrabble weakly against the wall tiles as Noiz gripped his jaw and turned it around to kiss him deeply. It was no longer the soft, slow kiss like before; rather, it was rougher and more ferocious as both their tongues hungrily seeking out for each other, desperate to explore every part of each other’s mouth.

Noiz proceeded to thrust into Aoba in between their kisses, one of his hands reaching out to cover Aoba’s hand against the wall and threaded their fingers together. When they separated their kiss, he continued tracing wet kisses along Aoba’s face and brushing his lips against his ears as he bit on them occasionally, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough for Aoba to feel the vibration of his breaths.

They could feel the heat increasing in their bodies with every passing minute as Noiz witnessed the way Aoba’s skin turned rosier, the steam surrounding them did nothing but further intensifying their passion. Riled up by the sight in front of him, Noiz continued to increase the rhythm of his thrust, almost sending Aoba over the edge before he slowed down and skillfully controlling his tension.

Aoba’s knees were growing weak and he turned around, hinting Noiz about his condition and was almost relieved when Noiz stopped and turned his body around without separating their contact. Pressing his back against the wall, he lifted him up so that he was thrusting upwards.

The switch of position allowed Noiz to have a better look at Aoba’s face and as soon as he saw his boyfriend’s expression, he immediately regretted his decision, realizing that this position would only accelerate his desire and drive them faster towards completion.

Aoba was about to say something but Noiz pressed a finger against his lips, silencing him as he slid a hand down his torso and stopped at his stomach.

“This is where you’ll be bearing a baby?” he asked, drawing small circles on his stomach.

“But I can’t, Noiz. You know I can’t,” Aoba cried. He was almost feeling the familiar surge of guilt again when Noiz leaned forward to kiss him on the lips.

“Shh, I know,” he whispered. “But you can’t stop me from imagining it.”

Realizing that it was another one of Noiz’s purposeful tease, Aoba pouted and flicked a finger against his forehead. As an act of apology, Noiz pressed his lips against Aoba’s again as he fastened his thrust, his hand now pumping on Aoba’s length, urging him towards completion.

When Aoba finally reached his climax, he felt him tremble under him and heard him give out a choked cry, his fingers gripping hard on his shoulders with force strong enough to leave marks. The additional pain intensified the pleasure for Noiz as he continued with his thrust while Aoba rode it out to the very last. The feeling of Aoba’s teeth sinking into his skin acted as a final trigger as he halted, pleasure finally taking over his senses. As he released himself inside Aoba, he pulled him into a firm hug, the contented feeling acting as an effective reassurance that told him that Aoba was still with him, right here, right now, and probably from then onward.

 

 

A thorough cleanup later, Aoba throttled out of the bathroom and sank into bed, firmly wrapping himself with the thick blanket while Noiz spent the next half an hour cleaning up the bathroom. The lightheaded sensation he was feeling now almost dozed him off when he felt a weight on him, nearly knocking the air out of him as he opened his eyes to see that Noiz had sneaked under the blanket and was enveloping him into his arms.

“Hmm, you smell nice,” Noiz commented as he brushed his nose in his hair, inhaling the scent of Aoba.

“Ugh, you’re heavy,” Aoba complained.

Lifting his body up, Noiz continued to stare fondly at Aoba; then, without warning, he leaned down and started planting small kisses along his torso, stopping at his stomach and rubbing it in circular motion with a thin smile spreading across his face.

“Noi..” Aoba started but was immediately interrupted when Noiz placed a firm kiss against his belly, causing him to shiver out of reflex.

“Say Aoba, how do you think our child will look like?” Noiz continued, pretending not to realize Aoba’s awkwardness.

Unsure of where this conversation would lead them to, Aoba swallowed thickly and kept staring at the younger man before he finally put his thoughts into action.

“Hmm, I’m thinking… perhaps he’d have your hair, and my eyes… no, that’d be really funny. Or maybe… my hair but your eyes,” he thought out loud, head tilting and staring into space as the countless imaginary made their way across his mind.

“I like the first one – my hair with your eyes,” Noiz commented indifferently.

“Why?”

“Because I love your eyes,” Noiz replied, effectively painting a deep shade of red on Aoba’s cheeks. “And I figure he’d have your personality.”

“Why not yours?” Aoba asked, curious.

“Hmm..” Noiz considered for a brief moment before he replied.

“Because I’d want him to be like you, extremely stubborn but always lending people a hand, leading them towards a better direction and in turn, saving them. Just like how you did to me.”

Aoba's emotional wall was at the verge of crumbling upon hearing that and he sat up abruptly, causing Noiz to jolt up as well while the older man hugged his head, burying his face into his hair.

“Aoba?” Noiz called out, surprised by the sudden change of mood.

“I’m sorry, Noiz,” Aoba muttered. “I’m so sorry I can’t give you what you want.”

“Shh,” Noiz hushed. Breaking himself free from Aoba’s embrace, he held his face in his hands and kissed his forehead. “I’ve got you. That’s already more than enough for me.”

“But…” Aoba hesitated before his eyes brightened up. “We can adopt one! It’s quite easy. This way, we could have our own child!”

But Noiz shook his head and gave Aoba a small smile.

“It’s meaningless if it’s not from you,” he said. “I don’t want anything else but you.”

Defeated, Aoba could only return his smile and they stayed like this for the next few minutes before Aoba suddenly jumped off the bed and started shuffling through the drawer of their bedside table.

“What are you looking for?” Noiz asked.

“I got you a present.”

As Noiz stared curiously, Aoba returned not long after with a box in his hand as he pushed the small wrapped material towards Noiz.

“I… I didn't know what to buy for you so…” he pronounced shyly.

Noiz, however, hastily opened the wrappers and the moment he saw what was inside the box, his smile spread even wider and he lurched forward to hug Aoba from behind, kissing him on the ear.

“Thank you,” he whispered. “This is the best birthday present in my life.”

“How does a carved necklace managed to become your _best_ present, I wonder?” Aoba pouted while Noiz gently caressed the carved letter ‘N’ and the words ‘From: A’ behind the silver metal piece before he planted another kiss on Aoba’s cheek.

“It’s not the necklace. _You_ are the best present I've ever gotten in my life.”

It wasn't hard to miss the sincerity in the way Noiz sounded. The few words rolled straight into Aoba’s heart, causing him to wrap the birthday boy in his hands again.

“Happy Birthday, Noiz,” he said. “I’ll make you something better next year, like a cake or something.”

“And the following year?”

“Yeah, and the following year as well. And the following year, and the many years to come,” Aoba smiled. “It’s a promise.”

That was yet another one of the best birthday presents Noiz could ever receive.

 

_The next day_

 

“So, Noiz-kun, did you manage to get your birthday wish yesterday?”

Noiz was confronted right after they’d finished their meeting and smiling teasingly, he shot Aoba a playful stare before he pronounced loudly.

“Yeah, I did. I dressed Aoba up like a baby and treated him like one. It was great.”

“THAT DID NOT HAPPENED!” Aoba raged.

And before anyone could stop him, he stormed out of the meeting room while Noiz ran after him, leaving behind a group of awkward-looking professionals in the room.

 

In Noiz’s dictionary, there was no such thing as an impossible birthday wish as long as you tried hard enough.

And he was sure that everything was possible as long as he had Aoba with him.

 


	2. Geburtstag [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It amazed him on how a simple word like 'birthday' could change its meaning over time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-beta'd & I apologize for any mistakes or errors.

_Birthday. Geburtstag._

No matter in which language it was expressed, the word meant the same to Noiz -  _void_.

 

His surrounding never changed with the times he woke up. It was always the same - the same four walls, the same pile of books, the same blinding bright laptop screen. He'd studied everything he could and everything felt so dull and boring to him that he'd lost all motivations to search for something  _more_  interesting, almost believing that those  _interesting_  element he'd read from the Internet was merely a white lie. 

He didn't have a lot of company, either. Even if he did, conversations were mostly conducted in a one-sided way. He'd talked a lot to his "quiet pal" but what he obtained at the end of the day was silence; and more silence.

He'd gotten used to ignorance, anyway, what with the numerous time he was called monster by people he'd thought were his friends. 

No one needed him. So what was the point of making the effort and taking the initiative only to be responded with more insults and isolation.

He was staring at his own wounded palms - he'd scratched his skin off out of a desperate need to feel  _something_  - when he heard a small voice outside the door.

"Psst, Noiz? Are you in there?"

If he was to consider one "normal" friend who would actually  _respond_  to him, it'd be  _him_. Pacing cautiously towards the door, he pressed his ear against the wooden material, straining to catch the very feeble voice.

"Noiz?" the voice called again, this time with a slightly louder tone.

"Here," he replied simply, his voice cracked from the lack of use and he had to cough softly to get use to the vibration he felt from his throat again. 

He could almost see the delighted smile of that someone when he mouthed his reply and, to his surprise, a metal clattering was heard and he was even more surprised to see his younger brother peeking at him through the door gap.

There were multiple locks attached to the door. Even when he'd managed to open one of them, there were still a few more that required even more time for them to break the code. But it didn't trouble his uninvited guest too much as the moment he saw Noiz, he gave out a bright smile, instantly sent a pang of bizarre emotion straight into Noiz's chest.

"Noiz, I brought you something," the younger one whispered. He disappeared for a short while, appearing seconds later with a pile of what seemed to be a messed up creamy material in his hands.

"What's that?" Noiz asked, eyeing the item suspiciously.

"Happy birthday, Noiz!" the younger brother exclaimed, but his expression immediately changed to a depressed one when he realized that the narrow door gap was too small for him to push the "cake" in for Noiz.

Noiz could only stare as his brother pouted. He didn't know how it felt like to actually  _feel_  something but the warmth that enveloped his chest was something he was unfamiliar with and it confused him. Sticking out one finger through the gap, he flicked some of the cream onto his finger and sent it to his mouth.

"...gross," he muttered, his expression remained indifferent.

"I'm sorry," his brother responded frantically. "I didn't know how to make a cake so..."

"...thank you."

"...huh?"

The cake tasted horrible, but it didn't matter. What mattered was someone  _remembered_  his birthday, and that was already more than enough for him.

* * *

 

 

"Any last words?"

The menacing-looking man was a lot bigger than him. One punch from the man would probably break some of his bones. But - unsurprisingly - he didn't feel any fear; in fact, he felt nothing at all. For someone who couldn't feel pain, he sometimes suspected if he'd lost his ability to feel fear across time. It'd be great if that was really the case. He didn't need that, anyway. Those were emotions that would only get in his way.

The only problem he had now was that getting bandages would be a nuisance seeing that it was already three in the morning. Being infected due to improper treatment would probably be the last thing he wanted; but if it couldn't be help, then so be it.

He couldn't care less.

The punch almost hit his face when they heard a loud, high-pitched voice from around a corner and he opened his eyes to see a small girl with a basket, pointing and shouting at the group of bullies.

"What are you doing?!" Her voice  _almost_  threatening. 

The huge man released Noiz's collar unhurriedly, an ugly grin now plastered on his face as he shot a hint at one of his men. Nodding, the said man paced slowly towards the girl. As he attempted to grab onto her, she let out an ear-splitting scream.

"Let go of me!"

He didn't know what had prompted him but the next thing he knew, he was struggling himself free of the man's grip and launching towards the man that was approaching the girl. Violently pushing him away, he stood in front of the girl, hiding her away from view.

"What do you think you're doing making a move on a small girl?" he hissed. His usual uncharacteristic voice was nowhere to be heard, the irritation in his tone apparent as he glared at the group of approaching men. He'd never felt fear in his entire life, not even when he made his escape from his house and traveled to Midorijima by himself. He'd survived well in this one year and there was probably  _nothing_  to be afraid of.

But if they were to touch the girl...

He gritted his teeth, unconsciously getting into his fighting stance. There was no way he could win against such a huge threatening group of people. The best option now was to make a run but he didn't and it surprised him. An escape route had never crossed his mind and the fact that it now did confused him but it was the least of his concern, at least for now. He was about to launch himself on the nearing group when the leader from before raised a hand, stopping them from advancing.

"I'm bored. Let's go," he announced unconcernedly. Then, before he knew it, the group of people walked passed them, without a look at him. When he thought that everything was finally returned to its initial calm, the same voice from before rang out.

"Oh, I almost forgot about this."

As Noiz turned, he was shocked to see his Allmate in the tormentor's hand, his grip firm and creating cracks on the cube. He didn't even have the time to grab it back as he witnessed the man crushing the green cube and throwing it on the floor before he gave it a few ferocious steps.

"Ah, that's better."

And they were left alone.

He didn't even know the name of the emotions he was feeling right now. His Allmate had been his only "friend" and now he'd lost it.

As he sank against the wall, sliding to a sit and internally laughing at how pathetic he looked like now, he heard small footsteps approaching him. The little girl was walking towards him, the small fragmented pieces of his Allmate gathered in her tiny hands as she placed them carefully by his side.

"I brought him back," she said, sounding both innocent yet concerned at the same time. "It's yours, right?"

Noiz stared disbelievingly at her, then at the shattered green cube before he gave out a small laugh, a laugh that sounded strangely as if he was laughing at himself.

His life was an entire mess. Why was he even so persistent about continue living? He could've just drop dead now and no one would even care. 

The faint warmth he felt against his face was what jolted him back to reality. The small girl had leaned forward to rub the blood off his face with a handkerchief, the white material instantly dyed red upon making contact with his face.

He didn't stop her. Under normal circumstances, he'd have brush them off and fidget at the mere touch. But this time, he didn't. And he couldn't understand why. He was used to aggressive punches and hits - the only time when he'd allow people to actually make skin contact with him - but this time, all he felt was soft, tender touches that weren't meant to harm him but to  _heal_  him instead.

Staring awkwardly at the small girl, he was still trying to think of something -  _anything_  - to say when the girl reached into her basket and pulled out a piece of nicely wrapped cake.

"Here," she said as she pushed the cake into Noiz's hand. "You must be hungry. Eat."

And she walked away, humming unknown songs as she left.

He sat limp against the wall for a few minutes, both his mind and gaze blank, before he gathered the shattered pieces and limped his way home, leaving trails of blood behind him. Slumped on his bed, he took off his clothes and threw them aside before he sat up and started repairing his Allmate. It wasn't too hard a job, but the shock from seeing it crushed right before his very eyes still remained to the extent that he could literally feel his fingers trembling when he put the pieces back to where they belonged.

A careful process later, he smiled at his repaired companion. He wiped the green cube clean and booted it up as he witnessed his "friend" sprung into life as it floated in midair, making a few flips before it settled back in Noiz's palm.

"P!"

He'd totally forgotten about his wounds until the blood dripped from his arm and smeared the cube with red. Clicking his tongue, he glared at the wound and was about to search the drawers for some bandages when his Allmate gave out a high-pitched squeak.

"P! It's Noiz birthday today! Happy birthday, Noiz!"

The cake sat motionless on the table as he stared, barely making out the "Happy birthday, Big Brother!" message from the dim moonlight pouring into the room. He knew that the message might be intended for someone else, but he smiled regardless, wondering if this "thing" he was feeling in his chest now was how a birthday boy should feel like.

* * *

 

He had gotten pretty good at Rhyme after two years of good training. He had broken his own records.

But Rhyme was becoming boring. If there was nothing else that could interest him he might as well leave the place. For the past two years he'd experienced nothing but challenges and more challenges. And all these while, people had been approaching him for either his money or his body; his belief further firmed with time, urging him to believe that this was the way to live.

This was the way  _everyone_  lived.

He'd joined a team but still, nothing fascinated him. Easy wins were too easy for his liking; mundane lifestyle made him feels like a living corpse.

"Noiz is probably the best Rhyme player in Midorijima."

He'd heard it everywhere. He'd gained some unnecessary fame. It didn't come as a surprise for him. His inability to feel pain had eliminated the fear in him. He wasn't afraid of getting hurt, either. He didn't need to deal with any distractions.

The word 'losing' wasn't in his dictionary.

"I doubt so. I heard there's another better guy around."

That statement sparked his interest.

_Another better guy?_

"His name is Slyblue."

 _Slyblue_.

 

 

"Fight me in Rhyme."

Now this was something interesting. When he first started Rhyme, this  _Slyblue_  person wasn't registered in his system. He thought he'd defeated everyone that he thought was worth defeating. But when he finally met this person, it was totally out of his expectation. _  
_

_Him? The best Rhyme player in Midorijima?_

He gave out a smirk, which irritated his opponent to no end.

"You've got the wrong person. I've got nothing to do with Rhyme. Don't involve me in this."

That was the first time he met Seragaki Aoba.

 

 

Seragaki Aoba was nothing like what he'd heard. He wasn't sharp, wasn't sly, wasn't cruel. Instead, he was stubborn, compassionate, and... he was someone Noiz couldn't understand. All he ever wanted was to win him in a Rhyme match. He couldn't fathom how a seemingly weak person could defeat him. And all he ever wanted was to see exactly how  _strong_  this person was.

He did.

But everything he knew of Aoba didn't match with how Aoba really was. He was  _strong_ , but not the type of  _strong_ Noiz had imagined him to be. Aoba possessed his own definition of  _strong_  and his  _strong_ was in a complete different level than how Noiz perceive a strong person should be. He defeated the nineteen-year-old in a heartbeat, but instead of fluctuating his egoism, he developed a new found interest towards this seemingly uncomplicated person.

Aoba was...  _different_.

Before he knew it, he wanted to know  _more_  about him. Not the basic information he'd already accumulated from his network of research, but of Aoba as a person. He wanted to know everything - from the food he ate, to his favorite shop, and to his sleeping habit. He wanted to know everything and  _anything_ about Aoba.

* * *

 

"P! It's Noiz birthday! Happy birthday, Noiz!"

One year after another, his Allmate was the only one who'd actually remembered his birthday. It didn't matter to him. He used to forget all about his birthday until he owned an Allmate. But this year, when he heard Usagimodoki greeted him with such a bright and delighted voice, it made him wonder. 

"What time does Aoba leave work today?"

"P! Aoba leaves work at 6.00 p.m. today!" Usagimodoki replied in an instance after a quick check on Aoba's schedule Noiz had installed in his Allmate.

He glanced at his Coil. 3.15 p.m.

He should be able to make it on time.

 

"Noiz! What are you doing here?" Aoba exclaimed the moment he set foot into Heibon.

Ignoring him, Noiz dumped the huge sack of candies on the counter, instantly earning a shocking look from Aoba.

"What is this?"

"Open to find out."

He wasn't sure if this was even what Aoba liked; rather, he felt as if he had just forced what  _he_ like at Aoba.

Aoba's expression the moment he saw the content inside was priceless.

He'd never celebrated his birthday with someone else before; and he wasn't sure what had prompted him to do this. It could easily be the boldest thing he had ever done in his life. 

As they stared at the mountain of sweets before them, Aoba gave him a teasing smirk and he averted his gaze, the strange undefined emotions in him slowly snatching his composure away.

There was  _something_ with the way Aoba treated him that constantly put him into a state of confusion. Everything of Aoba did things to his heart. 

He didn't even understand why he was feeling what he was feeling now. Aoba barged into his life in such a forceful way that he could easily plant hatred on him. 

Aoba cared too much. He cared about things that were none of his concern. 

Aoba treated him in a way that he shouldn't. No one should cared about him in the first place. There wasn't any reason to.

Aoba touched him too much. 

Aoba.

Aoba was...  _different_.

This was the first time he'd ever felt like this. This was the first time someone had treated him in this way. 

He didn't know what to do on birthdays. He'd never celebrated birthday with anyone else before. 

But when he heard Aoba's "Happy birthday", he realized that for once in his lifetime, he had done something right.

* * *

 

"Aoba, five minutes to Noiz's return."

"I know, I know!"

Aoba rushed frantically to the oven and pulled the tray out to reveal a brownish substance. As he poked his finger at the item to test out the sponginess, he jumped and immediately sent the finger into his mouth.

"Ouch! Hot, hot.."

"Aoba, are you okay?" Ren jumped onto the counter and stared at Aoba, licking on his burned finger the moment Aoba pulled it out of his mouth.

"I'm fine," Aoba said and gasped out loud when he checked on the time. "Oh no, he's almost home!"

Running out of the kitchen after unceremoniously throwing his apron under the counter, he quickly ran into the bathroom to wash the cream off his face, checking into the mirror again and again to make sure that he looked presentable enough.

He thought that he'd done everything just in time, but when he felt a pair of hands hugging him from behind, he froze.

"What are you doing here? I was looking for you. And the kitchen is in a huge mess."

There was no way he could mistake his husband's husky voice that never failed to send shivers throughout his body, especially when it was echoing right beside his ear.

"N-Noiz! You're back early!" He turned around frantically, struggling out of Noiz's embrace and staring awkwardly at him while he tried his very best to act normal.

"I'm back on time," Noiz corrected while he checked on his watch. "It's 5.00 p.m."

"Oh."

Noiz smirked. "Mind telling me what you have been hiding from me? Or you prefer me to find out for myself?"

"It's not what you think it is," Aoba scowled.

When Noiz refused to let him go, he gave out a sigh.

"Come here."

Taking his hand in his, Aoba dragged him out of the washroom and into the kitchen, where he pushed Noiz to sit on the dining table before he rushed off to the oven.

"Aoba?" Noiz called, fingers tapping impatiently against the table.

"Just a bit!" Aoba's voice echoed from the kitchen and Noiz's smile widened upon hearing the sound of metals clanking against each other, alongside Aoba's occasional small yelps.

"Do you need help?" he asked in a mischievous tone. His husband was too easy to read, and that was exactly what made him so endearing.

"Just... stay right there!" Aoba replied in a hurried tone. After a while, he reappeared in the dining room with a tray of.... something that looked oddly like a cake.

"What's that?" Noiz asked, amused.

Feeling a stab in his pride, Aoba scowled. 

"Doesn't this look like a cake?" Then, blushing and averting Noiz's eyes, he continued with a small voice. "I-It's your birthday cake. And, erm, happy birthday."

"Hmm."

Without any replies, Noiz grabbed the nearest fork and brought a big piece of the cake into his mouth while Aoba stared nervously.

"H-How is it?"

"...gross," Noiz hummed.

Aoba's reaction was instant.

"Fine, don't eat then."

Before he could move the cake away from Noiz, the birthday boy grabbed onto his wrist, stopping him and pulling him to straddle his thighs instead.

"It's the best cake I've ever eaten," he muttered before he proceeded to plant a soft kiss on Aoba's cheek. "Thank you."

No one had ever celebrated his birthday with him before. Sometimes he even forgot about his own birthday. He never knew what people does on their birthdays; and he never found out what a birthday  _actually_ meant.

But now, with Aoba, he knew.

Because  _Aoba_  was the one who had taught him so.

Without Aoba, there wasn't any meaning to his birthday because  _Aoba_ was the one who'd taught him about life.

 

It didn't matter if the cake tasted horrible. What mattered most to Noiz was the fact that Aoba  _remembered_ his birthday and was here, right here, right now, to celebrate it with him. 

He knew they'd celebrate each other's birthday together for the many years to come.

And that was already more than enough for him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reference was made to Noiz's birthday drama cd.


	3. Reverse [Koujaku x Noiz]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He always thought that he was the unpredictable one, but apparently, someone else decided to take the crown off his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [kittenprince](http://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenprince)
> 
> Prompt: KouNoi - Accent/Language

It's nothing special.

It's not like it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

It happens every year, anyway.

 

Staring blankly at the ceiling, Noiz lies on his back, one hand behind his head as he watches two of his usagimodokis collide with each other and give out high-pitched squeaks before he finally sits up and moves out of his bed.

It's as normal as usual. Nothing special, nothing abnormal. Just..  _normal_. It's not like he's expecting anything anyway. He's used to solidarity and more of those on this day shouldn't come as a big surprise.

It's June 13th and he has zero jobs in hand. The jobs that had made it to his doorstep were casually declined and he's starting to consider if this is even the right thing to do. It wasn't an intentional move and he's still having problem comprehending his own decisions.

Probably this day has a charm by itself. Something like a magical day, a day when the person involved would lose its rationalism. 

He laughs at his own senseless line of thought.

He's thinking too much.  _That's_ abnormal.

 

Walking out to the crowded Midorijima streets, he glances mindlessly around, hoping to bump into something -  _anything_ \- interesting but immediately gives up upon realizing that nothing catches his eyes. It's not like there isn't anything interesting. There's a few Rhyme matches down the alleys. If he's enthusiastic enough, they could easily occupy his entire day. But he knows this isn't his priority now, his mind constantly distracted by something else. His instinctive thought is to head to the more-than-familiar salon but the moment he turns a corner he changes his mind, turning his back away from his initial destination and heading towards the opposite direction instead.

He knows he's made of contradictions but the heart vs brain debate today is particularly strong. He has not been seeing the old man for more than a week now. It's not that he's avoiding him or anything but every time he tries to catch hold of him, the older man would either chase him home, purposely ignores him, too tired to entertain him, or simply nowhere to be seen. He's not even sure what's going on with him these days. As far as he remembers, the old man lives a pretty mundane lifestyle. There shouldn't be any major happenings (not that he knows of) that would disrupt his everyday routine.

Not even when Noiz barges into his life and makes a mess out of it. 

The situation leaves him in a state of frustration and uneasiness - something he's shocked to realize - to the extent that it made him thinks as if the older man has finally gotten tired of him. He must have found something - or  _someon_ _e_ \- else which is more interesting than a nineteen-year-old brat like him.

It shouldn't come as a shock anyway. People abandon him all the time. He should be prepared for it.

Mindlessly wandering around the streets with no definite destination in mind, he's surprised to find himself stopping in front of the hairdresser's house. After a momentary stare at the front door, he gives out a small sigh before he walks pass the neatly maintained flower porches and up the stairs, holding onto a feeble, almost non-existing hope. He knocks once, twice. On the fourth time, he gives up, walking back down the street and feeling the small burst of bubble in his chest.

The old man is definitely avoiding him. It's a Sunday. There's no reason he isn't home. Noiz has his schedule memorized by heart. The older man has been working almost every day and Sundays are one of those rare moments when he could finally settle down in his own peace and do things with his own pace. This is also one of those times when Noiz would gladly take advantage of. 

But there's no way he could do it when  _he_ isn't even there.

After grabbing a quick bite from a roadside stall, he takes a few more turns and explores a few unfamiliar alleys before he heads back home in the late evening. None of the above activities had managed to make him feel at least a bit "special" for this supposedly "significant" day.

Well, at least he wasn't involved in a fight.

If only there was company, it'd be great. But then - Noiz smiles at himself again - it probably wouldn't work anyway seeing how bias he is now towards his choice of company.

"Where have you been?"

The familiar voice kindles every one of his nerve as his heart skips a beat and he looks up to see a familiar shadow standing right in front of his apartment, a fancy box in his hand and a worried expression on his face.

"Why are you..." he stutters, unwilling to believe that miracles do happen and above all, on him. 

He thought he'd spend the rest of his day tampering with his Allmates. His only friends.

"You got me waiting for three whole hours, you little shit."

It's undeniably  _his_ voice. There's no way he could mistake it.

He stands rooted at the same spot for a whole minute as he witnesses the shadow approaching him in a furious pace. And before he knew it, the face he has been desperately hoping to see is now right in front of him. He has not been seeing  _him_ for almost two weeks. It's unfair for him to appear right now, right here, on this day.

Why must he chose today of all days?

He wants to have a proper look at his face but for some reason, the hairdresser is avoiding his gaze and the faint blush that has made its way across his cheeks confuses him even further.

"B-By the way..." It's  _his_ turn to stutter now.

He waits.

"Herz-- lichen Glückwunsch, erm... zum Geburtstog."

He gapes, staring unblinkingly at the frowning man while he tries to register what has just happened.

That was the cutest thing he'd ever heard in his life.

"What?" he says after a few awkward seconds.

"W-What-- don't make me repeat that again!" the older man rages. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to pronounce those words?!"

A short pause later, he laughs.

He thought  _he's_ the one who's unpredictable and he thought giving surprises is his forte; but apparently,  _this old man_ just takes the crown off his head.

"Is this supposed to be a present? Don't tell me you took two weeks to learn that one simple phrase?"

No wonder he was constantly distracted; and no wonder he was always spending hours mumbling to himself, not even his usual mischievous tricks could befuddle him.

And he thought he's getting tired of him.

"Shut up." The red on his face even more prominent now that he's properly facing him. "Your mother tongue is horribly tough, you can't blame me."

He didn't remember German being tough when he first learned about it. But he keeps the comment to himself, smiling as he takes the box off Koujaku's hand and waves it in front of the flustered man.

"And this is?"

Koujaku never replies him but he doesn't need the answer anyway. Reaching out to entwine their fingers together, he leads him to his house, pausing in front of the door as he turns around to smirk at Koujaku.

"By the way, it's Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburts _tag_ , not  _tog,_ " he mocks. 

"Shut up."

He's not used to reciting appreciations but as he pulls Koujaku closer so that he could kiss him on the cheek, he finds the words rolling out of his tongue as if it's the most natural thing to do. 

"Thank you."

 

And he knows how those two seemingly simple words have made Koujaku happy; and in turn, making him feels "special" at the same time.

 

 

 

 


	4. Fractured Dolls [Noiz x Aoba/SlyBlue]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were both broken, but they were both beautiful nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An AU where both Noiz & Aoba are nineteen. Written for [Katraa](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Katraa/pseuds/Katraa).
> 
> I'm sorry for the out-of-focus writing and flow but I hope this gives you a sneak peek of what's coming up in the next multi-chapter fic I'm gonna be working on ww 
> 
> This is just a skeleton framework and I missed out a lot of details and scenes and I might change some scenes but I hope this gives you an idea (or probably a different ending, who knows - shot -). The real fic would probably in Noiz's POV so I thought this would be a good warm up to write it in Aoba's POV instead ww
> 
> Also, I'm trying out new writing style so I apologize for the mistakes & errors.  
> Birthday mention is tiny but significant lol
> 
> Enjoy~

 

 

 

 

> _He’s so beautiful; so beautiful that I can’t help but wanting to break him_.

 

He only felt alive when he was wrecked. The loud vibrations in his ears; the filthy human touches; those were reasons he found life worth living. Probably it was meant to be in this way. Probably he was only born to feel this way.

He loved the look on people’s face when they were intoxicated and he knew he was no better than them. He lived for that. That was his gratification. He wished he could do this every day, but he cursed at his low alcohol tolerance.

He cursed at his low interest level.

He wasn't sure how many cups of alcohol he’d taken. Drunk and wobbly, he violently pushed rough grips away and made his way towards the club’s exit. He didn't feel like it today. He was too drunk to feel anything. There wasn't a point to it when he couldn't revel in anything. He stepped out to the cold air and sneezed, mindlessly walking on the streets without a care of where his legs were leading him to.

He ended up in an alley. Pressing his hands against the wall, the booze finally took over him as he crouched, vomiting and panting loudly as sickening smell of his own gag attacked his nose, the rubbish den right beside him not helping in easing his nausea. He’d brought this upon himself but he didn't care. It was how he lived.

It didn't even matter to him if he was to pass out here. Probably someone would pick him up and he’d find himself on a nice huge bed when he woke up.

But a grip on his shoulder pushed the thought out of his head. He changed his mind, he didn't need anyone now.

“Get the fuck off me,” he gritted.

When the grip on his shoulder tightened, he turned around, visibly annoyed. He tried to catch a glimpse of the intruder’s face but the moonlight behind him obscured his features and he could see nothing but a huge shadow hovering over him.

The guy didn't say anything. Or probably he said something but he was too tipsy to catch his words. It didn't matter to him anyhow. All he knew was the hands that were on his shoulders were too firm for his liking and it was driving him up the wall.

He didn't even consider about the consequences when he launched a punch at the person and scrambled his way home.

 

_I remember him. They called him Sly, but I remember his name was…_

 

“Aoba, you should’ve just stayed at home.”

“Mind your own business.”

He slumped on the desk, head pounding from the hangover. Probably he should take Mizuki’s advice. He couldn’t see a reason why he should attend school anyway. Then he remembered his grandma, and he remembered how awful it would feel to see her depressed face.

His migraine was further intensified by an uproar that had suddenly echoed throughout the classroom. Looking up, he saw a huge group of girls surrounding a tall blond.

 _Ah, it’s that “flawless” dude. That perfect all-rounded he would never become_.

Losing interest, he leaned his face against the desk again, putting his headphone back to his ears and trying to block the noise out. Why was everyone so interested with that dude, anyway? He didn’t know a lot about that German classmate of his but he’d assumed him to be a nerd, or a geek. Either way, it was boring. Everyone was only interested with him because he was _German_.

Even with the noise blocked out, he could still hear the sound of a chair moving behind him and he turned around to see the dude sitting behind him. He was wearing black-rimmed glasses (which he usually didn’t) and a glare that was directed at him.

He laughed. Not because of his hideous glasses, but because of the bruise on his eye that was too obvious to miss.

“So a smarty pants like you get into fights too, huh?” he mocks, unable to hide his laughter.

The smarty pants continued glaring at him.

* * *

 

Turning up in the club seemed like the most natural thing for him to do. It almost felt as if it was the most appropriate thing for him to do. The place was wrecked, gruesome, ridiculous. Just like him.

People came here to be broken; and he came here to break them. It almost felt like an obligation for him, and it made him feel worthy.

He was only on his second booze when a guy forced his way into the empty seat beside him. Giving him a sideway glare, he noticed that the guy had every corner of his face pierced. He wasn’t very fond with piercings, they looked like it’d hurt. He wasn’t very fond with physical pain either; emotional breakdowns sound more like his cup of tea.

“They call you Sly?” the piercing guy gave him a teasing grin, and he instantly marked the ‘unworthy’ tag on him without another look.

“Get lost.”

The guy froze for mere seconds before an ugly smirk spread across his face as he encircled his neck to pull him closer.

“I heard you’re good at blows. Spit your price.”

He snorted.

“I’m not interested tonight. Even if I am,” he shot one of his dirtiest looks at the guy. “garbage like you aren't worth it.”

He had his own criteria, even ‘garbage’ had their own hierarchy. He thought he had the rights to choose who was worth his lips.

The next thing he knew, he was being slammed against the wall, a punch nearing his face before it halted in midair.

Then, the grip on his collar softened and the man was hauled away from him, replaced by a man with glasses and a hideous beany that made him look as if he wasn’t even aged enough to be in this place.

“Leave.” He heard the ‘under-aged’ guy muttered. When everything went back to its initial peace, he collapsed on the table and gulped the remaining of his alcohol down his throat when he felt a presence beside him.

They stayed in a few seconds of silence before he stood up, grasped the wrist of the person who’d just invaded his personal space, and dragged him to the back alley where he pinned him against the wall and settled himself between his legs, searching for his pants zipper.

The guy stopped him.

“What? Isn’t this what you want from saving me?” he said, shooting the man with a sly grin. He couldn’t see his face and the situation reminded him strangely of the night when he had almost passed out in the exact same alley. It was the same thing all over again. He didn’t know who he was dealing with but it didn’t matter to him. He didn’t like to owe favor. He didn’t like to be attached. He wanted things to be done then and there, with no strings attached.

Above all, this person seemed worthy enough. He knew that it wasn't a conclusion stemmed from the fact that he’d just saved him, but he was too consumed by his own desire to think any further.

He wanted to destroy him, to break his composure, to witness the way he panted under his skilled tongue, and to make him look pathetic enough to regret saving his ass.

He slid his hand into the man’s underwear. He didn't even care if he resisted; he only cared about himself, he only wanted to get off.

But there wasn't any resistance. He was still having a hard time making out his face but when he looked at him again, the taller man was wearing a nifty grin that reminded him oddly of himself.

“I’m not stopping you. This thank you gift is good enough.”

His words sent a throb straight to his groins and he returned the cheeky grin with a sly smirk of his own, taking the man’s dick out and running his palm over the length.

“Heh, piercings.”

He disliked piercings. He wasn’t very fond of them. But the metal sensation against his lips turned him on more than it should.

Probably piercings could work for him, but only when they were on certain kind of people.

* * *

 

The only thing in his mind was how bitter the cum tasted on his tongue and he couldn't forget how the bespectacled guy gripped on his hair when he came. He knew he was skilled with his tongue and the response should be expected. But he didn't expect the underage kid to wipe the cum off the corners of his lips when he took them down in one gulp.

He couldn't care less about what was happening in the class right now. All he had on his mind was him, him, and him. People usually left after they've gotten what they wanted. But he was different. He stayed long enough to get him off; and he stayed long enough to make sure that he was sane enough to walk himself home.

This was beyond his endurance wall. He’d never allowed anyone to touch him in such a way before. Perhaps the alcohol was doing the talking for him. Yeah, that must be it.

Giving out a yawn, he stretched and took out his Coil, booting the system up to reveal a MMORPG. Academic classes didn’t mean anything to him; but it was a different story when it came to classes in this game. Upon logging into the game, he saw a familiar green-armored figure standing right next to his avatar. When he moved, the figure followed him, like how he usually did.

When he had first encountered him, he threw him a message just to laugh at his poor sense of fashion. _Seriously, green? Above every other color?_ But little did he know that that unintentional move had landed him an enduring problem. The green figure had been following him ever since. Strange enough, he was always there when he logged in, as if he never left.

Laughing silently, he approached the figure and punched him in the shoulder before he strolled off, searching for more competent players. He wasn’t troubled by how he was tailed by a silent figure; sometimes, the shadow even drove weaker players away from him, which he appreciated greatly. Weakness was a waste of time, and he wasn’t willing to even spend an extra second to deal with worthless players.

And the figure followed him.

He won a few fights, with his mute shadow behind him. When he finally defeated all the players in the field, he took a peek at his shadow’s level just to realize that he’d gone up by twenty levels overnight. That was almost as high as his level. Smelling a challenge, he directed his character to his opponent, nudging him and typing into the conversation box.

_Wanna fight?_

The green figure nodded. He _always_ nodded.

They got into a fight. And his blue-armored avatar won again. He _always_ won.

Silently mouthing a ‘yes!’, he was so immersed in the game that a kick on his chair almost made him jump off his seat and he was jerked back to reality to look over his shoulder.

His blond, _perfect_ classmate was glaring at him. For what reason, he didn’t know. All he knew was he was giving him that glare that did nothing but further intensified his need to destroy him.

* * *

 

The club was his second home. He’d known the bartender so well that he’d find his booze ready on his usual spot even before he stepped into the place.

He wasn't in a very needy mood tonight. His grandma had given him a long lecture about life and a whole lot of things he couldn't understand. He’d stormed out of the house before she could kick him out herself. He was in one of his worst moods. And when someone decided to casually take up the empty space beside him, he was about to throw him a tantrum when he gaped upon seeing his face.

“You,” he mouthed.

He wasn't supposed to be here. The docile, too-perfect-to-be-true air that he’d labeled him with made him feel out of place. He shouldn't belong here.

But his German classmate ignored him. He took his own sweet time with his alcohol before he placed the glass down and finally spoke.

He couldn’t remember if he’d ever heard his voice before. But it sounded unusually familiar.

“Do you always hook up with people around here?”

He was stunned. Not because of the question, but because of his _voice_. He’d heard that voice before. He still remembered so clearly on how this exact voice panted, accompanied by his ragged breaths and the way he choked on his moan when he came in his mouth. The surprise lasted for a few seconds before he quickly regained his cool, slowly crumbling the perfect guy impression off him and deciding that it was just normal for anyone to hang out in places like this. It wasn’t something unusual. Guys have their needs.

“I wonder,” he answered vaguely, drawing himself a glare he was all too familiar with.

 _God, he wanted to destroy him already_.

“Why are you asking anyway?” he continued, a sly grin spreading across his face. “Interested in me?”

He never received an answer.

* * *

 

“Fight me.”

The only time he had been so persistent was when he first met him in a rabbit farm. Before he could deny, the green-armored figure had caught up to him and blocked his way, demanding for a fight.

They fought. But he had beaten the challenger in a heartbeat. He learned that his avatar name was ruffrabbit and he laughed again. Assuming that he was a sore loser, he had allowed him to follow him, all the while defeating more and more opponents that came his way.

The unexpected message surprised him. He thought that the ‘rabbit-lover’ would back off after learning how strong he was. But apparently, it did nothing but further intensifying his desire for a rematch.

Giving him a thumb up, they went into a fight.

And he won him again.

Again.

Ruffrabbit did nothing but stood frozen at the same spot as soon as the message pronouncing the results of the match faded off. Curious, he walked closer, attempting to nudge him to check if he’d died. But a sudden voice rang beside his ear and he jumped off his seat out of shock.

“So that’s how you did it.”

The exaggerated response dragged both of them into trouble and they were shouted out of the classroom.

“Wanna make a run?”

He was even surprised to hear the tall blond taking words out of his mouth. He’d never wanted to involve him in his escape plan. But if he was the one who’d brought up the suggestion, then it was a different story altogether.

Before they knew it, they were already on the rooftop, panting and breathing heavily from the running.

 

He’d never have the chance to properly take a good look at this classmate’s features. Even when they were out of the school grounds, he’d only managed to catch shadows of his contours. All this while he’d regarded him as ‘hideous’, ‘wannabe’, ‘perfection I don’t need’ and a lot of other not-so-kind terms that he could relate to himself. But now, when he actually looked at him, he was in fact not too bad as what he’d imagined him to be, _beautiful_ even. His lime green eyes mesmerized him, and he thought his own golden orbs were striking enough. His strawberry blonde hair was out of shape but it brought out the astuteness regardless.

_He was so, so beautiful._

_So beautiful that he couldn’t help but wanting to destroy him._

_He wanted to break him so bad._

_He wanted to break that perfection out of him._

He’d known that something felt different when he gave him head the other day. But he’d never expected it to be something so overwhelming. He’d never felt such an intense urge to destroy someone before.

This guy is so disturbing.

Yet, so endearing.

 

When they settled down in one dark corner, he asked.

“So you play the game too, huh?”

The blond hummed. “I probably play it longer than you do.”

Before he could voice his doubts, the self-centered kid continued.

“I used to be an all-time winner, until someone else decided to kick me off the throne.”

“Heh, I wonder who kicked your ass,” he laughed. But when the quiet guy booted his game, he stared at his Coil screen and gaped at it.

“You.”

He wondered how many more surprises he was going to receive from this disconcerting guy.

“So, are you Sly or Aoba?” he asked.

Still surprised, he leaned back against the wall. “Whichever you like. I don’t care.”

And they played.

* * *

 

 

They started hanging out. At first it started off like a normal hangout, almost like a one-off thing. They met spontaneously in the same club, the same spot, the same time, and always ended up in the same alley, sloppily making out and addressing each other with nothing more than Sly and Ruffrabbit. Sometimes he gave him other names – complaining that his name was too complicated to pronounce – like pouty German, rabbit head, and a lot more which he couldn’t even remember over his own climax.

They acted as if they didn’t know each other in school. But when they sneaked out of classes they made out on the rooftop, in the store room, and even in the toilet, wherever that could leave them completely alone.

And he pretended that he didn't hear what people were talking about him influencing the top student towards the worst.

* * *

 

He thought that he was doing the right thing. He was too young for obligations and responsibilities anyway. He should just focus on having fun. Time passed in a blink of an eye and there were exams they needed to attend to but still, he didn't give a damn. He continued with his usual lifestyle, unconcerned of what was happening around him, unconcerned of himself.

But when reality hit him, it hit him hard in the face. He’d failed everything and the way his grandma shouted at him made him feel as if he’d failed his entire life as well. He didn't need this. He _knew_ he was messed up but he didn't need anyone else to tell him about this. He didn't need this stab of reality.

So he ran away from home just to find himself in front of his ‘best friend’s’ house. He let him in, as how he always did. Across time, his house had replaced the club as his second home. He wasn't sure since when did he realize that he was no longer interested with someone else but this beautiful German. He had yet to destroy him and he knew that he had all the time in his world to do it.

But he was wrong.

“Have you ever thought about your future?” he asked, completely catching him off guard as he stared disbelievingly at the blond.

It was the exact same question that his grandma had thrown at him. He was not ready for it. He thought this was his asylum but he was wrong.

It hurt him. It made him feel as if _he_ was the one being destroyed instead.

“Why are you so perfect? Why do you have everything all figured out? Why do you choose me?” he cried.

“Because you’re broken, as broken as me. I thought that if I fix myself up a bit, probably I could fix you up as well.”

 _But you’re perfect_ , he screamed internally.

“I’m not perfect,” he continued, as if he’d just read his mind. “I don’t know where you get that impression from but there are a lot of things you don’t know about me. And I’ll wait until you’re ready to hear them from me.”

He wasn't interested with people who are already broken because there wouldn't be a need to destroy them. But somehow, _this person_ managed to deceive him. _This person_ wore a beautiful mask and _deceived_ him.

He wasn't sure what was the name of the emotion he was feeling now but all he knew was it hurt, it hurt so bad. He felt betrayed. But it shouldn't come as a shock. People used him and he used people, it was how _everyone_ lived.

What made this time any different?

Then, he laughed. He brought this upon himself. He shouldn’t be too attached in the first place. He should’ve just break _this perfect guy_ and moved on.

But he couldn’t. He’d fallen too deep.

 _This flawless_ _person_ was his companion, both in his online and offline worlds. He only felt himself holding hopelessly on him, as if he’d lose his balance if he was to let him go.

But he was wrong.

Again.

“I’m going back to Germany after graduation.”

He was going to lose him. He could see the day approaching and he was not ready for it.

He was not ready for _anything_.

That night, he asked him again.

“So, are you Aoba or Sly?”

A name was nothing to him. His parent gave him his name and left him. He didn’t bother remembering people’s names anyway because when he did, it meant connection and he didn’t want that. No one was worthy of his long-term attention. But when he heard his name spilling out of the German’s lips, he thought he could start loving his name a little bit more.

“Trust me, _Noiz_.”

That was the first time he’d called someone by their name.

* * *

 

When Noiz departed to Germany, he was nowhere to be seen. The only farewell he received from him was a simple ‘take care, see you soon’ and nothing else. But he smiled at his Coil screen nevertheless, because both of them knew the real meaning behind that five seemingly simply words.

They never called each other; never met each other; never even contacted each other at all. He had retreated from the game, but every year without fail, Noiz would find a virtual birthday present in the rabbit farm where they first met and he’d suspected that his ‘best friend’ had purposely created new avatars just to drop him the present. It wasn’t much but it meant a lot for Noiz because it was a hint that he was still well and alive, although he wasn’t sure of how he’d managed himself after he left.

Three years apart and he found himself stepping into the more-than-familiar airport of Japan. Breathing in the familiar air, he glanced around. Everything remained the same, in fact nothing much changed. Perhaps the only thing that had changed was him, now more _fixed_ and composed and probably _another_ noticeable change was…

“Hey.”

When he turned around, a smile broke out instantly and he walked towards _him_. There was no way he could forget those striking pair of golden eyes, that hip long wavy blue hair and also that smirk that seemed a bit… different now.

“_____.”

“I’ve been waiting.”

He almost forgotten how much he’d missed that voice; how much he loved that name, and how much he loved the person in front of him.

 

 

 

 

> _“So, Sly or Aoba?”_
> 
> _“Aoba. Aoba is fine.”_

 

They broke each other. But it was fine. Because even though they were both broken, they were beautiful.

 _Both_ of them were.

 


	5. Next Year, It'd Be Different [Noiz x Aoba; AU]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noiz never told him anything about his birthday, but he found out anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for [Junjoupureheart](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Junjoupureheart/pseuds/Junjoupureheart)
> 
> Prompt: Noiz having his birthday with Aoba as his homeroom teacher.
> 
> This universe reminds me of [Unworldly Lover](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1162458) so I accidentally, kinda revolves it in that setting. But it can also be read as a separate shot, no worries c:
> 
> And also, surprise insert image because trial-and-error and simple student profile, why not? (Nope, not an excuse to insert Noiz's picture ww)

Something was not quite right with Midorijima High School today. Instead of the usual chattering that was the trademark of the school, the school ground was now it deep...

... _silence_.

Then.

"DONE!"

A scream occurred out of nowhere, disrupting the initial peace and bringing the school ground back to its normal state. All of a sudden, Midorijima High School was suddenly very much alive - the cheers of students, sounds of footsteps scrambling over the fields, and also the voices of homeroom teachers shouting at their students in an attempt to silence them down. 

"Quiet! The bell hasn't ringed yet! Get back to your seats!"

"But, Seragaki-sensei, it has been  _weeks_ since we're stuck with all these notes. We need a break!" one of the students grumbled as the homeroom teacher forcefully pushed him back to his seat.

"Just a few more minutes!" Aoba responded frantically. The class was going out of control and although he'd earned his respect over time, there were still times like these when he couldn't control this bunch of young, wild, immature kids. "A few more minutes and I'll let you do whatever you want."

They obeyed. But it was pointless anyway as the moment the class was finally settled down, the school bell rang and the peace was disturbed yet again as students sprung up from their seats and hurried out of the classroom.

"Bye, sensei! See you later!"

"See you, sensei!"

"What's for lunch? Let's eat something good!"

"Sensei, do you want to join us for lunch?"

While Aoba was packing up his things, a female student approached him with her friends.

"Ah.." Aoba trailed off as he shifted his gaze to one empty seat in a corner. "I think I'll pass this time. Sorry."

Scratching his head with an apologetic look on his face, he smiled bitterly while his students left the place, leaving him alone in the empty classroom.

The space was suddenly drown in silence, saved for the sounds of birds chirping from outside the window and the hurried footsteps from outside the classroom. Supporting heavy books on his arm, he walked toward the empty seat and sighed.

"Absent. Again."

 

"Yo, Aoba!"

"Hey, Koujaku," Aoba responded lazily at the spirited greeting as he sank into his own seat in the staff room.

"Lunch?" Koujaku asked.

"Nah, I'll pass this time," Aoba answered, waving the pile of documents in front of Koujaku. "Gotta sort out the graduates list by today."

"Work will never end, Aoba. It's important to eat," Koujaku urged as he hovered over to look at the name list.

"It's fine. Probably tomorrow?" Aoba rejected again, instantly drawing disappointment on the senior tutor's face.

"Okay then, if you insist." And he walked back to his own office.

It was the end of the semester and for some students, the end of their high school life. Graduation was just around the corner and the entire school had been busy with the preparation ever since. Scanning through the list of students, Aoba gave out a sigh upon realizing that  _someone's_ name was not listed  _again_. Perhaps he wouldn't get all edgy like this if the said student was in his first or second year; but the fact that  _that particular student_ had been in his third year for two years in a row drew a scowl in between his eyebrows. He finished the listing in mere minutes and, lack of better things to do, he opened his drawer to retrieve a pile of student profiles, intending to conduct a biography check so that he could keep track of his students' progress.

Which reminded him...

Hastily flipping through the documents, he smiled when he found what he was looking for as he pulled the piece of student profile out and started glancing through the information.

 

**NOIZ**

 

  * **CLASS** : Third-Year; 3-C
  * **EMAIL** : ruffrabbit@midorijimahigh.com
  * **DATE OF BIRTH** : June 13
  * **ACTIVE ACTIVITIES/POSITIONS** : Nil
  * **GRADE LEVEL:** Probation



 

 

However, he didn't make pass the basic information when he stopped and stared unblinkingly at that one information that he'd never paid attention to before. 

Wait, what?

 _June 13_.

That's... today.

Ferociously jumping off his seat, he felt a sudden rush of blood to his head as he continued staring at the fine print on the piece of paper. Then, as soon as his mind returned to its normal state, he dashed toward the senior tutor's office and knocked loudly on the door.

"Koujaku! I need your help!"

 

 

"... seventeen, eighteen, nineteen."

He stopped. Nineteen usagimodokis; nineteen years of quiet birthday. It was going to be the same again this year and it didn't bother him. There were a lot of priorities in his life and his birthday never made it to the list. He didn't see the need for it anyway, and he couldn't understand why people tended to get so overenthusiastic over a nearer-to-death reminder.

It was ironic, the way he interpreted birthdays. He knew that it was a way to celebrate life; but for all he knew, birthdays were merely a reminder for one to be prepared for more responsibilities and a whole lot of other things that they needed to shoulder just so they could fit in to the world. There wasn't a need to celebrate realizations like these. Life wasn't such a great celebration anyway. 

In fact, perhaps the right thing to do was to mourn over it.

Lying on his back, he stared at the cloudless sky and watched two of his green cubes flirting with each other. It would be yet another quiet day, he thought, until he heard his stomach grumbling.

Aoba wasn't here today. The exam season must have kept him busy. No Aoba was equivalent to no food and he scowled upon the realization, closing his eyes and attempting to sleep the hunger off when he heard hurried footsteps nearing him.

"Noiz!"

Oh, how much did he miss hearing that voice? Sitting up, he stared down from the roof of the store room to see Aoba panting and trying to catch his breath. But when he saw the lack of food boxes, he shrugged and went back to lying on his back.

"Noiz, I need you to follow me!" Aoba shouted.

No response. It reminded Aoba of the first time they'd met, when Noiz was disinterested toward everything except..

"I've prepared some food for you!" he continued, sounding almost desperate.

That successfully caught the nineteen-year-old's attention. He sat up again and moved closer to the edge of the roof to have a better look at his homeroom teacher.

"Why didn't you bring it here?" he asked, his voice as nonchalant as Aoba remembered it to be.

"I..." Aoba stuttered. He hadn't thought of any strategies and he cursed internally at his own senselessness especially when he  _knew_ how sharp Noiz could be. "It's... something huge and I need to keep it warm so I can't bring it over. But I really want you to try!" he explained desperately, secretly praying that Noiz would buy the excuse.

Noiz stared suspiciously at him for a few seconds. Eventually, the grumbles in his stomach got the better of him as he nodded, jumping from from the roof to stand in front of Aoba.

"Let's go, then, sensei. Hungry."

He managed to draw a bright grin on Aoba's face effortlessly. And the moment he witnessed that smile, he instantly knew that his hunger wasn't the main reason why he decided to take the trouble to follow his insensitive homeroom teacher out of his own comfort zone.

 

He knew Aoba was up to something. His homeroom teacher wasn't an expert in telling lies and reading him was a piece of cake. He wasn't expecting him to know anything about his birthday, nor that he had the intention to tell him since it didn't mean anything for him. Even when he'd tried to drop him a hint the previous day, it was merely done out of curiosity. But now, he was curious. Aoba wasn't good with surprises; in fact, he used to burst his own surprises all the time, but somehow, he found it endearing to see the way Aoba was doing something for  _him_.

He was about to turn the corner toward the staff room when Aoba grasped his wrist, leading him to the classroom corridor instead and not before long, they found themselves standing in front of classroom 3-C.

"What are we doing here?" Noiz asked, lifting one of his eyebrows and staring suspiciously at the grinning man.

"You'll see," Aoba replied in a singsong way.

When the door was opened, Noiz swore he almost got a heart attack.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, NOIZ!"

He was never good with interacting with anyone, let alone with a huge group of people. The confetti that was showered all over his body and the loud noises vibrating in his ears put him into a state of confusion. Once he got an idea of the situation, he glanced around to find the room colorfully decorated - balloons of all colors were hanging from the ceiling, huge "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" letters accompanied by a few adorable doodles were scribbled on the blackboard, and above all, everyone was smiling at him. 

 _Everyone_.

He was so overwhelmed with this sudden enthusiasm that he stood rooted at the doorway, unsure of what to do or what to say. Then, a pat on his shoulder jolted him back to reality as he turned to see Aoba smiling tastefully at him.

"Go in," he urged.

He obeyed, taking slow steps into the classroom but still not knowing how to respond to the situation. He had been surrounded by solidarity and loneliness for his entire life; he was used to being the lone wolf. But the tables had turned today and he realized that he was no longer the lone wolf he desired to be. Instead, he was now part of a pack of wolves.

Aoba pushed him to sit in front of the classroom, a seat where he usually occupied. While he was putting the party hat on Noiz's head, Koujaku came into the room with a birthday cake, laughing at how awkward Noiz looked like now as he placed the chocolate cake right in front of him. As he stared at the frosting which spelled of more 'Happy Birthday's, a complicated emotion swelled in his chest and he could only continue staring, still unsure of what to do.

But it turned out that there wasn't any need for him to do anything anyway. Everyone started singing him birthday song while he sat awkwardly, his discomfort further intensified. It wasn't something bad. It wasn't like what he'd often experienced when he was pushed into a crowd. Usually, he'd felt like he didn't belonged there, as if he wasn't part of them and that he was just a shadow; but now, even when he was surrounded by so many people whom he  _assumed_  treated him as a shadow, for once in his lifetime, he actually felt belonged.

Everyone's attention was on him. Everyone actually cared.

And for all he knew, he didn't dislike the attention.

These people thought of him as someone important; they were celebrating his existence; and probably, some of them even considered him as their friend. It was a huge surprise for Noiz and it warmed his heart in ways he couldn't describe. But no matter how grateful he felt toward his classmates, he knew that there was one person that made all of his happen.

Giving out a happy sigh, a smile naturally floated on his face as he shot  _him_ a side way glance.

 _Thank you_.

 

The celebration only lasted for a while before the bell signaling the end of school echoed throughout the school ground. His classmates came up to him and gave him more greetings before they throttled out of the classroom. Koujaku gave him a few rough pats on the shoulder, telling him that it was about time for him to grow up before he left the classroom as well, leaving both Noiz and Aoba alone in the empty room.

"That's it, I hope you enjoyed the small celebration," Aoba approached him with a cheeky smile. But what actually drew a smile on Noiz's face wasn't Aoba's grin, but the pink flush on his cheek. Even though Aoba was supposed to be his homeroom teacher and even though he was supposed to be older than him, there were times like these when Noiz caught sight of this endearing part of his sensei that never failed to send a pang of warmth straight into his chest.

Positions were a fuss to handle. Even when Aoba had endlessly emphasized on this, sometimes Noiz couldn't help but view Aoba as  _Aoba_ , not as his homeroom teacher.

"Wanna hang out?" he asked.

He was obviously embarrassed but he'd managed to cover it up better than his petite teacher. When Aoba gave him a nod, Noiz took his hand in his and intertwined their fingers together like it was the most natural thing to do as he led them out of the classroom and to their usual hangout spot.

 

It had become a routine. Even when Noiz never requested for his presence, his homeroom teacher had been bringing him lunch ever since he got to know about 'the piercing guy on the rooftop'. Aoba first barged into his life with an intention to change him for the better, just like every other tutor he had been encountering. But unlike every other tutor, Aoba was different. His homeroom teacher knew that he had been failing on purpose, what with the intentional absence from exams and purposely delaying his graduation, but he had never received any screams or nags from Aoba like how he'd received from his other tutors. Instead, Aoba talked to him about things that weren't related to studies at all. He talked a lot about himself, occasionally bringing Noiz through his uninterested lifestyle and daily happenings.

At first, it was a chore to listen to everything Aoba had to say. He didn't find a reason to know anything about Aoba. But eventually, the chore turned into something else entirely. 

Now, he wanted to know everything and anything about his adorable homeroom teacher.

He never thought that he'd developed feelings toward someone from school. Falling in love with his homeroom teacher was something he could never have expected. But something about Aoba shifted his perception and before he knew it, they were too attached to each other for their own good. It wasn't something bad, of course. It was just something they needed to control, as how Aoba had repeatedly reminded him whenever he tried to do something  _out of control_.

"I'm sorry I didn't manage to get you anything for your birthday," Aoba started, breaking the silence between them.

Sitting side by side with each other, he leaned against Noiz's arm, playing with the few usagimodokis that were rolling around the place while Noiz stared blankly into the distance. 

"It's fine. I'm surprised you managed to find out about it. Even when I'd dropped so many hints yesterday," Noiz replied nonchalantly as Aoba sat up and pouted at him.

"Well, you should've just  _told_ me, brat. You put me into so much trou--"

He stopped and gaped. He wasn't particularly sure but somehow, Noiz gave him the impression that he could be easily hurt and Aoba certainly didn't want to be the one who'd be adding on to his pressure.

"I know," Noiz replied, his tone still indifferent. "And I thank you for that."

They sank into silence. Aoba, not knowing what else he could say, started tampering with the green cubes, suddenly feeling all awkward.

"Besides, you can still compensate for me next year," Noiz continued in a teasing manner as he shot Aoba one of his mischievous grins.

Aoba coughed loudly. He knew what Noiz meant when it came to his smirks and he wasn't one to submit into it without first giving him a good comeback.

"W-well, I just want you to have some good high school memories while you are still here," he commented loudly, still pouting and visible embarrassed. 

Noiz merely smiled. Pulling him closer, he kissed Aoba on the forehead, instantly painting a deeper flush of red on the latter's cheeks.

"But I've already gotten some of the best memories in high school with you," he responded playfully.

"That's not what I meant!"

"And you haven't answered me."

When Aoba gave him a confused stare, he sighed.

"We're still celebrating my birthday next year, right?" he asked, the insecurity in his tone a contrast with the determination in his eyes.

"I..." Aoba confessed. " I haven't really thought about it."

"Then think about it."

"But if that's what you want..." Aoba quickly clarified.

"Is that what  _you_ want?" Noiz asked instead, his voice now firmer than before.

"I..." Aoba mumbled. Then, he swallowed thickly and chuckled, suddenly finding Noiz's acting like a small kid. "I'm fine with it, really. If it's you, then it's fine."

As he witnessed the glow in Noiz's face, he quickly continued.

"But under one condition." He then shot the curious man a sly grin. " You must graduate first."

Instead of the nod he was expecting from Noiz, what he received was a chuckle, something he hadn't have a lot of chance to hear and something that never failed to tickle his heart.

"Then we wouldn't be able to see each other like this anymore," Noiz responded as his smile widened upon seeing Aoba's contradicted expression.

"I..."

"But I guess that means we'll be seeing each other  _outside_ of the school grounds more often? Perhaps somewhere  _better_?" Noiz continued, purposely emphasizing on the words to further tease his boyfriend.

"I... well..."

He could never win this guy. No matter how hard he tried to maintain his composure, somehow, the upper hand would roll back to Noiz and leave him in a state of contradiction.

"I just... want you to focus on your studies first," he muttered cautiously. He never wanted to nag Noiz about his studies knowing that it'd evoke a certain degree of frustration in the third-year. He wanted to trust that Noiz knew what he was doing.

Noiz was silent for a few seconds while Aoba sank into panic mode, thinking that he might've angered Noiz for even bringing the subject up. But then, Noiz smiled again.

"So if I graduate, you'll still hang out with me?"

"Of course!" The reply was instant.

"Okay then."

Huh? That's it? As simple as that?

He didn't have the time to pester the matter further when Noiz shifted nearer to him, their arms literally pressing against each other.

"Say, sensei, can we hold hands?" the third-year asked. "I can live with this as my birthday present for now."

And when they intertwined their fingers together, they knew that it'd lead to something more, perhaps something that would crumble the position wall between them.

 

They probably wouldn't spend their birthdays here next year; but they believed that they'd be spending it somewhere else, probably, like what Noiz had suggested, somewhere  _better_.

 


	6. Double Surprise [Noiz x Aoba/SlyBlue]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both Aoba & Sly need attention, and Noiz is more than happy to give them what they wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a short drabble for [Polyvinyl Monster](http://polyvinylmonster.tumblr.com/) <3 
> 
> Thank you for drawing fanart for this piece <3 They can be found [here](http://polyvinylmonster.tumblr.com/post/87717653915/thanks-for-reminding-me-of-noizs-birthday-im-fairly) and [here](http://polyvinylmonster.tumblr.com/post/88663066710/happy-birthday)
> 
> And by this, I officially end this Erogaki Birthday Series. There are some prompts which I didn't manage to finish but don't worry, there's still a next time. Thank you for all your wonderful requests. I had fun writing all of these pieces and I hope you enjoy them as well c:
> 
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOIZ <3

Sometimes he wonders if it’s even possible for him to be able to experience such intense happiness if it isn’t for Aoba. A birthday without Aoba is meaningless. It’s almost as if  _Aoba_  is the one who has given him his birthday, which isn’t too far away from the truth anyway – the fact that  _Aoba_  is now sitting right front of him, pouting at his own miserable-looking homemade cake, makes him feel so alive and he knows instantly that his birthday is only meaningful with Aoba.

 

“It’s not too bad,” Noiz confesses, his eyes taking in every inch of the cake as he tries his best to stifle his laughter.

“It’s  _horrible_ ,” Aoba mutters, burying his face in his hands and giving Noiz the impression that he’s crying.

Ignoring him, Noiz picks a fork up and is about to devour his own birthday cake when he feels a grip on his wrist, stopping him.

“What are you doing?!” Aoba asks frantically, as if Noiz is triggering a bomb.

“Eating my cake,” he replies nonchalantly.

“But it’s horrible.”

“It’s not.”

Unable to stop him, Aoba sighs and takes the fork out of his hand.

“I’ve… always wanted to do this,” he blushes.

Noiz smirks. “You’re gonna feed me?”

“Shut up! I’m doing it because it’s your birthday. Try to appreciate it instead of laughing at me.”

“Thank you,” Noiz responds almost immediately, opening his mouth and waiting for Aoba to put the food into his mouth.

But as nothing happens for a few seconds, he opens his eyes curiously just to be smeared by a handful of cream on his face.

“Hahaha! Look at your face! It’s so hideous!”

It takes a while for him to finally realize what’s happening as he hastily rubs the cream off his eyes and is surprised to see Aoba’s face merely inches away from his, a sly grin plastered on his features.

“Now,  _that’s_  horrible,” he shoots the playful man a smirk before pulling the latter closer and nuzzling his cheek against his face.

“Ew, gross.”

“Says the one who just smashed a piece of hard work into my face.”

The only thing he could make out right before he presses his lips against Aoba’s face was the way the other man sticks his tongue out at him as Noiz traps him in his arms, restraining his actions and forcing him to look him in the eye.

“So you’re jealous, huh?” Noiz teases as he purposely spread the cream on Sly’s nose.

“Jealous? Don’t make me laugh.”

Noiz’s smirk deepens as he witnesses the way Sly pouts. Leaning forward, he plants a firm kiss on Sly’s forehead before he whispers.

“Thank you to you too, Sly.”

He couldn’t see Sly’s expression but there’s no way he could miss the faint tint of pink that has made its way across his cheek the moment he muttered the two simple words out.

“….Happy Birthday.”

“Hmm? What?” Noiz purposely teases him further, acting as if he has heard nothing.

“I said Happy Birthday, you jerk!”

As Noiz smiles fondly at the adorable reaction, his expression quickly changes to a gape the moment he hears the small whisper that he almost misses if he didn’t strain his ears properly.

“…from me and… Aoba.”

He’d encountered this  _other_  personality of Aoba before; but Noiz didn’t mind it at all. The fact that  _both_  of Aoba’s personalities – whom he’d acknowledged  _both_  to be the same Aoba he knows – have given him their blessings meant the world to him.

And he’d never felt so alive like now in his entire life.

“So you and Aoba are gonna screw tonight? Can I join?” Sly asks playfully, his hands now wrapping around Noiz’s neck.

“What are you talking about? You’re  _also_  Aoba, right?”

“….Selfish brat.”

 

It’s going to be a busy night.

 


	7. First Friend [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to compile all prompts written for Noiz's week in conjunction of Noiz birthday here as well as a continuation of all the stuff I've written for Noiz birthday last year.

He didn't understand why his brother would cry when someone hit him; he didn't understand why he didn't when someone did the same to him too.

He didn't understand why there was red liquid gushing out of his wounds when someone hit him a bit harder than usual; and he didn't understand why his mother would show him a shocked expression when he showed her the said liquid in his hands.

He didn't understand a lot of things.

He didn't understand why his parents started giving him less and less attention while treating his brother even better than they used to.

He didn't understand what he did wrong. He would apologize if he knew; but he didn't, and it troubled him.

He didn't understand why people would look at him as if he was a monster.

He tried to understand, but whenever he did, others would either brush him off, or give him a disgusted face, or run away.

He didn’t have a chance to understand.

And he didn't understand why he found himself unable to move away from the front of a rabbit den, outside a zoo, as he stared unblinkingly at a white, fluffy rabbit in the nearest corner he was in.

The rabbit was asleep, breathing slow with its eyes closed. Noiz continued staring at it, scrutinizing its white, clean fur and bundled up body. He placed his hands on the fence, having every intention to go closer but the slight movement woke the rabbit up as it jolted awake, eyes blinking sleepily before it slowly looked up, making eye contact with Noiz.

Noiz didn't know what to do. This was an animal. It wouldn't respond to him, let alone talk to him. So he merely stared, unsure if he should walk away before he scared the rabbit away. But he found himself standing rooted at the spot, unable to move his eyes away from the rabbit's red-colored ones.

It was a one whole minute long of staring competition.

Then, as the thought of leaving flashed past his head, the rabbit stood up, hopping its way towards him and came nearer, practically only a few inches away from him. Noiz could clearly make out its spotless fur now, its big eyes continued staring at him, as if expecting a response from him.

Assuming it as so, he tried to squeeze his finger through the gap of the fence, managed to get the tip of his index finger over when the rabbit leaned forward, sniffing on it. The warm and wet sensation of the rabbit's lick that he felt next almost made him pull his hand back.

 

He wanted to say something. But he was afraid. He was afraid that the rabbit would get terrified at him and run away from him just like how others did whenever he started speaking. So he remained quiet, the safest resort he'd come to realize.

The rabbit proceeded to sit by the fence then, nearest to where he was standing. It continued staring at him, cute, floppy ears drooping at the sides of its head; and when it cleaned one of its ears with its hand, Noiz wanted so much to help it. But the moment he was reminded of how people cried whenever he touched them, he swallowed that intention down, doing nothing but continued watching every one of the rabbit's actions while his mind went onto a fast track.

 

Do rabbits need to bathe?

Do rabbits understand human language?

What is this rabbit feeling now?

Can it really see me?

 

 _I want to touch it_ \- the intention still strong in his mind. This was the first time someone that wasn't Theo had responded in such an affectionate way towards him and he wanted to continue feeling this way for as long as possible. He was tired with the displeased expressions he saw in others whenever he came in contact with them; this was an uplifting change. He wanted to make friends with the rabbit, talk to it, maybe, regardless if it could actually understand him or not.

Because at this moment, the rabbit was the only one who actually _cared_ and he wanted to cherish this "friendship", if he could.

"Hello," he started, his voice sounded nothing more than a whisper, as if he was doing something illegal and that someone would come and chase him away if they were to find him out. "I'm--"

"Brother!"

He was interrupted, the remaining _one_ word forced down his throat. Looking over his shoulder, he saw his brother - Theo - running towards him, hands waving with a bright smile and tears in his eyes. His parents stood behind him, far away, disappointments evident on their faces.

He stood up, suddenly feeling his heart sink. He'd want to stay in this world - the world that didn't belong to the reality - for a longer time. Forever, if possible. He turned to look at the rabbit again. It was _still_ staring at him, as if asking him not to go, that they had yet to know each other better. It made Noiz feel a weird jab in his heart that he often felt when he was discriminated from everyone else whenever they were involved in a group game. His brother had already run up to him, and he immediately felt the familiar hug from him as Theo hugged him with all his might.

Theo didn't want him to go too. Theo was the only person who also _cared_ about him. So he returned his hug, gave the rabbit another glance, transmitting the silent message of "I'll come back" before he took a white handkerchief out and rubbed Theo on his eyes, wiping the tears away.

 

* * *

 

How long is the lifespan of a rabbit?

He didn't know the exact time, but he was sure that a rabbit won't be able to live longer than ten years.

Noiz stood, expression blank as he stared at the white rabbit in front of him. It was wiping its eyes with its hands, ears dropping as it sat. There was something nostalgic about seeing a rabbit up close in such a way. It reminded him of a long forgotten friend - a friend that he hadn't gotten a chance to know before he was locked up in his room for misbehaving; or rather, for being different.

He wondered if this was the same rabbit whose name he never gotten to know. But he quickly brushed the thought away upon realizing how absurd it sounded. The rabbit stopped brushing its eyes then, proceeding to lick on its hand instead before Noiz found himself leaning closer to the fence, completely perplexed by the sight in front of him.

"No---iz."

A voice right beside his ear snapped him back from the sight as he turned, Aoba's cheeky grin being the first thing he saw.

"This is rather cute, don't you think?" Aoba teased, poking Noiz on the cheek before the other swept his hand away with an annoying frown now gracing his feature. "You, being transfixed over a mere rabbit."

Noiz avoided the question. Giving Aoba a barely visible pout, he returned his gaze to the rabbit, who had now hopped its way nearer to where Noiz was standing and causing Noiz to brighten his eyes, the annoyance from before long forgotten.

"Want to go in?" Aoba asked. Without waiting for an answer, he dragged Noiz by the wrist, headed to the counter where they bought an entrance ticket and pushed the door to the rabbit den open.

Noiz had never been in this place before. He only managed to stand outside, pressing his palms against the fence as he tried very hard to catch sight of the _one_ rabbit he was once very fond of. He was way too afraid to step further into this zone, afraid that he might accidentally hurt one of the rabbits and afraid that the rabbits would run away from him, like how everyone used to do to him.

But now, as Aoba led him into the den, he was entirely distracted. There were _a lot_ of rabbits around, bearing different colours. Some were cuddling with each other, some minding their own business; some cleaning their fur, some munching on their food. Aoba looked around, the perky smile from before still obvious on his face and his eyes brightened the moment he discovered what he was looking for.

"He's right there!" he said happily, finger pointing at a corner where Noiz stood minutes ago.

Without knowing what Aoba was referring to, Noiz was willingly dragged to the said corner again, his heart did a leap the moment he understood what _exactly_ Aoba was referring to.

"Come here, bunny," Aoba said, squatting down and opening his arms. The said white bunny did nothing; instead, it stood, eyes glancing warily at Aoba before he moved a step back, seemingly unwilling to oblige.

"Ah, I guess it's afraid of strangers," Aoba said with a bitter smile. Standing up, he nudged on Noiz instead. "How about _you_ try?"

Noiz didn't see the point. If Aoba - someone who obviously looked unharmed - couldn't bring a rabbit over, he didn't see how he could make a difference anyway. But Aoba was giving him this eager expression that he found himself submitting to his will once again. After a soft sigh, he squatted, gave the rabbit an indecisive stare before he stretched one arm out, hinting the rabbit to come over.

"You might want to say something," Aoba suggested. "Rabbits aren't the same with us, they're-- oh, oh, he's coming!"

Aoba was right. Soon after Noiz extended an arm, the rabbit returned its gaze to the couple, its ears stood before it stood up on both legs. Then, before Noiz could even make sense of what was happening, the rabbit was already hopping towards him, placing his two front legs on Noiz's knees as it stared up at him, his two bright eyes gazing happily at Noiz.

"That's so cute, I..." Aoba didn't even finish what he intended to say before he pulled his Coil up and flashed a camera open, taking as many pictures as he could. The rabbit's expression was a contrast to Noiz's, but Aoba knew Noiz too well to know that that was exactly what he felt within him as well.

"He seems like he's asking you to carry him," Aoba suggested again. Upon noting the awkwardness on Noiz's face, he joined them, patting the rabbit on the head before he started. "Don't worry, you won't hurt him."

That seemed to be everything Noiz needed to hear because in the next second, Noiz had placed both of his hands on the rabbit's body. Then, as gentle and as careful as he could, he lifted the rabbit up. The rabbit moved, finding the most comfortable spot for itself before it snuggled in Noiz's arms, practically rubbing his eye with one hand while Noiz rubbed on his belly.

"It seems like he's taken a liking to you," Aoba teased. "I wonder if we could adopt a rabbit from here? Do you want to adopt him?"

Noiz didn't answer; or rather, he didn't know the answer to Aoba’s question. He didn't know how to take care of a rabbit, and the fear if he’d accidentally hurt it still loudly distinct in his ears.

"I'll adopt it," Aoba said, without waiting for an answer. While he ran off to talk to the caretaker of the place, Noiz stroked a finger at the rabbit's face, instantly responded by a lick on his fingertips when his finger came close to the rabbit's mouth.

For some reason, he felt like he'd known this rabbit from years back. But he knew it wasn't possible. And for some reason, this rabbit had, like Aoba had mindfully said, taken a liking to him. He felt a weird leap from within him when the rabbit continued licking on his finger, eyes fixed on him the entire time.

And for a long time, he could only stare, until he was completely sure that he wasn’t hurting the rabbit that he smiled and said,

 

"Hello. I'm Noiz. Let's be friends."


	8. Change [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoba realized Noiz's body wasn't the only thing he needed to catch up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Physique
> 
> Once again, written for Noiz week, Day 2!

When he walked into the ward, Noiz was stretching his arm, visibly trying to test his limit and he only looked up when he knocked softly on the door.

“Oh, you’re here,” he turned, giving his arm a final pull before he walked towards Aoba.

“Am I too early?” Aoba asked instead, smiling when he noticed that the bandages on Noiz’s body were all gone and that the color had returned to his face.

“Just on time,” Noiz stopped right in front of Aoba, gave him a small smile before he leaned forward, catching Aoba in a quick, soft kiss.

He’d need to get used to this, Aoba quickly made a mental note before he felt the warm sensation left his lips. Noiz was looking at him with an expectant stare but he gave out a soft cough, turning away to avoid eye contact while the former patient let out a smirk.

Today Noiz was supposed to be discharged from the hospital after his few months stay. On the surface, he looked perfectly fine – there weren’t any distinct scars on his body except for a few patches stuck to his skin, concealing wounds that had yet to be healed.

Eyeing the patches with a scowl on his face, Aoba proceeded to check on his luggage before Noiz walked into the built-in bathroom, taking his hospital gown off as he paced.

There was still a faint air of awkwardness between them, even though they’d shared intimacy every other day in this very ward ever since they’d confessed their feelings towards each other. Taking in a deep breath, Aoba tried to reassure himself that it was fine and that they’d need more time to get used to each other’s presence in their life now, especially when Noiz would be out of these four walls very soon, living a life every much like any other normal individuals would have.

When Noiz walked out of the bathroom, he was already dressed in the more than familiar clothing Aoba was very used to see, the rabbit cubes hanging loosely from his belt with the green-colored beanie on his head as he headed to pick his luggage up from his bed.

For a second, Aoba thought that they were back to the time before they headed into Platinum Jail together; that he was now facing a Noiz who was still the young, immature brat that he once knew.

“Ready to go?” he quickly asked, realizing that the air between them had become harder to breathe in if they didn’t exchange words sooner.

Noiz nodded. Slinging the back over his shoulder, he led the way out of the room, with Aoba throttling behind him.

 

The walk down the street was a quiet one. For countless times, Aoba tried to say something, his mouth half opened before he closed them back again, surrendering to his nervousness. It shouldn’t be like this – it was only Noiz; the same man who’d shared the same life-threatening experience as him.

The same man who’d confessed to him.

Noiz seemed like he was struggling in his own way, though. Constantly glancing backwards at an awkward Aoba, he quickly turned away when they made eye contact, making the air between them even more awkward than it already was.

It was when they reached Noiz’s apartment that Aoba’s eyes brightened, finally distracted from the inner struggle that was his own overthinking thoughts.

“You stay not far from where I stay, after all,” he commented as he followed Noiz to the front door.

“I have a clear view of your house from here,” Noiz said in a matter-of-fact tone as he took off his shoes, then urging Aoba to do the same.

Once they were in the living room, Aoba stood at the doorframe, glancing around the space while Noiz sat on the couch, putting his luggage at one side before he waved at Aoba.

“Sit down.”

Aoba could only oblige.

Noiz’s apartment was spacious, neat and it even seemed as if no one resided here before. It didn’t surprise Aoba, but he was still amazed to find that he was right about how he’d assumed Noiz’s house to be after all.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Noiz asked, and Aoba knew that he’d asked this out of the lack of things to say.

“It’s okay,” Aoba said, returning his gaze to Noiz as he smiled at him. “That aside, how do you feel now? Does it still hurt?”

As a response, Noiz lifted an arm, stretching it again and tilted his head sideways, twice, before he answered,

“Feels fine.”

“Th-that’s great.”

He’d noticed the stutters in his voice, and he’d noticed how Noiz was giving him a penetrating stare that he was _sure_ that Noiz was scanning him from the inside out.

“What’s wrong?”

It was a voice he wasn’t very used to. Not yet. And it did things to him.

Noiz’s voice was extremely gentle this time; it didn’t have the huskiness Aoba was used to hear from him. Rather, it possessed a hint of emotions that almost had Aoba’s heart leap out of his throat.

“Nothing,” he said. He was about to say something else but then, Noiz shifted closer, grasping his hand in his and practically _whispered_ into his ear.

“Don’t worry, I’m still the Noiz you know.”

Sometimes, it amazed Aoba how accurate Noiz seemed to be able to read him better than he could do it himself. Swallowing down his throat, he braced himself, then turned around to finally meet his now boyfriend’s eyes.

“I know,” he said, his voice firmed this time. “I’m just… it feels surreal,” he continued, still thinking if he was using the right word.

He was stuck with the image of Noiz in his hospital robe and heavy bandages; the Noiz who confessed to him. He remembered that Noiz. But he still needed time to instill the reality that this man in front of him – this man who was in his usual clothing from the very first time he’d met him – was _Noiz_ too. They looked like two different persons but he _knew_ that it wasn’t true and that mere fact amazed him. How did one person managed to grow so fast, he wondered.

 “Let’s see…” he mumbled, lifting a hand up to trace the piercings on Noiz’s face, starting from the one on his eyebrows, then slowly tracing his way down, to the ones on the bridge of his nose, then the ones below his lips. He was about to say something when one corner of Noiz’s lips curve, distracting him.

“Do you want to see this too?”

Before he could ask, Noiz had stuck his tongue out, revealing his tongue piercing.

“Oh, so this is how it looks like,” Aoba said, tone visibly fascinated. He lifted a trembling finger towards the metal stud and was about to poke on it when Noiz closed his mouth, catching his finger tip in between his lips instead as he gave it a hard suck.

“H-hey!”

“What’s this sudden interest with my piercings?” he laughed.

“Nothing,” Aoba said, completely honest. Sensing the suspicions on Noiz’s face, he quickly continued. “I didn’t get the chance to see it properly from before. So I thought I could do that now.”

“Hmmm,” Noiz merely hummed. A few seconds of staring later, he stood up, grasping Aoba on the wrist and led them down the corridor and into a room which Aoba assumed was Noiz’s bedroom.

“Wait, wait, what are you doing?”

“You want proof?” Noiz interrupted almost immediately. “I can show you.”

“Huh?!”

Before Aoba could make sense of what Noiz was trying to say, Noiz was already stripping in front of him, taking his clothes off first. Then as he was about to take his pants off, Aoba leapt forward, catching him on the wrist and stopping him.

“Wait, what are you trying to do?” he asked, desperation obvious in his tone.

“I’m showing you.”

“Showing me _what_ exactly?”

He needed to get used to this too – Noiz’s absurd way of depicting everything abnormal as normal.

Noiz paused for a few moments, then he smiled again; this time, a smile that wasn’t a smirk.

“This.”

He unbuckled his belt, took his pants off and revealed his navel piercing.

“Looks familiar?”

Aoba was momentarily transfixed with the sight in front of him before he moved his gaze up to meet Noiz’s eyes. It was familiar; everything was familiar. The navel piercing on Noiz’s body was something he was extremely familiar with, being one of the many things on Noiz’s torso that had given him pleasure so intense it was hard to forget. Still mesmerized, he moved closer to Noiz, who was now kneeing on the bed, topless with his pants at his knees.

“Of course,” Aoba recited his delayed answer. “This,” he teasingly circled the metal material on Noiz’s abdomen. “And everything of you,” he ended as he stared at Noiz’s torso instead.

Sure, he was no longer wrapped in thick layers of bandages. He was no longer bleeding like how he did when Aoba carried him out of the crumbling tower. But his body now carried scars from the battle, and scars – which Aoba presumed – from the past.

He traced one of the faded wounds with featherlike touches, careful not to create more scars on his skin or even reopen old scars. But what caught his attention ultimately was Noiz’s build as a whole – this was perhaps the first time he’d witnessed Noiz’s body clearly in board daylight, without any obstacles concealing his skin, and he found himself fascinated as he gaped, open mouthed, at the nineteen-year-old’s body.

“What is it?” Noiz asked.

Instead of answering, he pressed his palm against Noiz’s chest. Noiz’s skin felt rough on his hand, dry even, a tiny scratch created a thin trail of white. Making another mental note to feed Noiz as much liquid as he could, he pressed both of his hands against Noiz’s chest this time, giving out a small sigh of relief in the next second.

“What’s wrong?” Noiz asked again.

“Nothing,” Aoba shook his head, his eyes closed with a gentle smile on his face. “Just wondering how you managed to keep your build so tough even when all you ate was pizza and pasta.”

Noiz chuckled then, immediately sending a pang of warmth into Aoba’s chest.

“I fight,” Noiz said, placing his hand on the back of Aoba’s on his chest. “I travel around. I sneak into a lot of places.”

“But that’s not entirely true,” Aoba retorted. Even Noiz’s palm felt rough against his skin. “Look at you,” he said, slanting backwards to take in a good view of Noiz’s naked body. “You’re even building muscles. And you’re… _nineteen_.”

He seemed to be emphasizing on Noiz’s age at the end of his words and that elicited another small laugh from Noiz.

“Yes, I’m nineteen. And you’re twenty-three.”

“And your point is?” Aoba pouted with a scowl.

Teasingly giving Aoba a full body glance, Noiz continued with a smirk.

“Looks like you have a lot to catch up, Big Brother.”

He almost smacked Noiz on the head if he hadn’t reminded himself that Noiz was still a recovering man.

And regardless of how different their physique could be, Aoba knew that the person who needed to catch up wasn’t him, but _Noiz_. Because surely living with only pizza and pasta for more than half of one’s life wasn’t going to contribute to sufficient nutrient for a person, especially when said person was a perfectly healthy, growing man.

“Want to see more proof?” Noiz asked, practically leaning forward and causing Aoba to fell backwards onto the bed as the younger man stripped himself off his brief, revealing his piercings at the bottom.

This time, Aoba refused to restrain himself from giving Noiz a good hit on his head. But that wasn’t the only restraint he’d set loose. Noiz’s feverish kiss in the next second had told him so.

It seemed like he needed to learn more recipe from his grandmother so that he could finally restore the lost nutrient into this man’s body first before he would agree to have the promised Rhyme rematch with his nineteen-year-old boyfriend.

 


	9. Pierced [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoba decides to take a step further and share a similarity with Noiz that he knew would intrigue his boyfriend further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Noiz Week- prompt was pain & pleasure <3

He clenched hard on the mattress, feeling his entire body trembled as he sank his nails deeper into the soft material. Biting down his lip, he almost drew blood when Noiz gave him an impossibly hard thrust, hitting him directly on the prostate as he released his bite, letting out an escaped moan that he wasn’t able to suppress.

“Are you okay?” Noiz’s voice echoed from below.

He took a few deep breaths before he nodded, then looking down at Noiz with moist eyes. He was sweating from head to toe, his vision blurred as he tried to contain the indescribably _hot_ sensation inside him. Noiz gave him a few moments of rest before he pulled his dick out again, his pace extremely measured, a lot slower than before and even with the indistinctiveness of his mind, Aoba knew that he did that on purpose. He’d been doing this ever since he’d noticed how Aoba had reacted in such an almost ferocious when he did exactly this – pulling, _dragging_ , as _unhurried_ as he could out of him, just so Aoba could feel every one of his piercings dragging his inner wall. As he held Aoba’s desire on the end of the rope, he’d push, _hard_ , back into him again and Aoba would instantly see stars in his head, choked moan reverberated from his throat as he tried not to pass out then and there.

“S-stop,” he wept. Noiz stopped then, taking deep breaths and lifting a hand up to wipe sweat out of his eyes.

“Too much?” he asked, his hands back on Aoba’s thighs, supporting them high enough so that he could switch to a more comfortable position – an angle he knew would hit right at Aoba’s weakness.

“You did that on purpose,” Aoba said breathlessly. Noiz smirked at him. Towering over him, he moved with his knees, sinking himself deeper into Aoba before he finally responded,

“Thought you’d like it.” Before Aoba could answer, he grasped hard on Aoba’s thighs, pulling himself out just to push himself back in, again, as _slow_ as possible.

“A-ah…” Aoba moaned out his impulse. His fingers were too numb for grasping too hard on the sheets and he was starting to feel himself hitting close to the edge, precum leaking from his slit and leaving wet stains on his abdomen.

“You can feel them, right?” Noiz continued, ensuring that Aoba’d heard him before he thrust again, and again, until Aoba was practically sobbing that he stopped, releasing his hand from one thigh and stretching to wipe the tear off the corner of Aoba’s eye instead.

“I.. can feel them,” Aoba responded blindly, the long hour of lovemaking completely drowning him in intense lust. “Every,” he paused to take a breath. “…one of them.”

“And you love them,” Noiz assisted, seemingly satisfied with his answer before he shifted again, now gripping hard on Aoba’s waist. “You love every one of them.”

Aoba could only manage a nod before he felt the grasp on his waist tighten alongside another deep thrust that almost sent him over the edge. Noiz pushed his dick as deep as he could possibly go, and Aoba shrieked when he felt his navel piercing rubbing against his balls.

“You love this too.” Even without the need to see his face, Aoba knew that Noiz was smirking at him. With that thought in mind, he opened his eyes, breathing open-mouthed, and squinted through the darkness of their unlit bedroom to catch a glimpse of Noiz’s expression.

Ever since the first time he’d witnessed how Noiz could portray a completely aroused look when they made love, he’d yearned to see more of it, and he’d longed to make his boyfriend show _more_ of that expression – that expression that told him that he could feel, in all physical, emotional and mental senses.

Now though, he couldn’t quite make out what kind of expression Noiz was using when he was towering over him now. But he could make out the sheen of sweat coating his entire body, the dampness glistened faintly under the very limited source of lighting in the room. He could make out the curve on Noiz’s lips, telling him enough that Noiz was giving him a _hungry_ look that made him feel as if he was being devoured by a lustful wolf at this very moment. But above all, what ultimately caught his attention was the weak gleaming of Noiz’s navel piercing, the metal material reflecting the moonlight pouring into the room; and whenever Noiz moved, Aoba could clearly make out how it hit his balls, how it rubbed against his skin, and how he himself felt as if he was being thrown into a wave of intense passion that he was sure he’d get a heat stroke if it wasn’t winter now.

Noiz had told him that he’d leave his piercings from below his waist onwards if Aoba liked it. Aoba never responded to his question; rather, it wasn’t a question he could answer so easily just like that. So instead, he brushed it off, despite how the said piercings had made him feel.

But now, at this very moment, he didn’t want Noiz to take them off. He wanted to continue feeling how every one of them prodded on his inner wall, how _that one piercing_ hit him hard on his most sensitive spot and how the one on his navel intensified his need.

“Noiz…” he sobbed, clutching Noiz’s hands on his waist as he practically pushed himself back onto Noiz’s dick.

“Don’t touch yourself,” Noiz said; it wasn’t an order, it was a request. “I want you to come from them alone.”

They were more than enough. Another few thrusts were all it took for Aoba to cry Noiz’s name out as he came, hard, spilling semen all over his chest.

 

He stood in the shower, staring at his own flushed expression in the mirror as he felt his heart picking up speed. He never knew what kind of impression he showed during sex, the only description he’d heard was from Noiz, who’d commented that it was an extremely erotic look. He’d usually slumber around for a few moments before he’d move out of wherever he was lying to clean himself up. But tonight, he found himself rolling out of bed the moment Noiz pulled himself out of him. Noiz was curious, but _he_ was curious himself. And now he stood, staring at his own reflection as his brain went onto a fast track.

Countless lovemaking experiences with Noiz had told him things – one being Noiz was completely compatible with him and was definitely one who was able to satisfy, or even intensify his sexual need as if it was the most natural thing to do; another being _he_ himself being able to enjoy the intensity so much to the extent that sometimes it could be too hard for him to contain. He knew that Noiz had a lot of weapons of his own – his ability to lure the innermost of his desire out through his absolutely upfront comments, for instance. But he also knew that physically, Noiz _also_ held his own advantage – something he never had.

“Are you okay?” Noiz’s voice echoed from outside the door. He shook his head, clapping both of his hands on his face before he responded,

“I’m fine! Give me a minute.”

He returned his gaze to the mirror. Noiz had his physical advantage. For one, he was, undeniably, physically bigger than him. But on top of that, he also had his _piercings_ , which Aoba didn’t have. And if there was one thing he wanted to share with Noiz, that would be it.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure?”

They sat on the dining table the next morning. It was weekend so they didn’t find the need to rush anything. They could take the day as leisurely as they wanted, definitely what they needed after their passionate late night activity the previous day.

“I was curious,” Aoba replied before he bit off the corner of his toast. Noiz waited for him to finish munching before he asked,

“What are you curious about?”

Aoba swallowed his food down, took a drink of his cup of coffee before he responded,

“How did it feel when you first put them on?”

“Them,” Noiz mouthed, his eyes glancing away before they brightened. “You mean the piercings?”

“Uhuh,” Aoba nodded. “I don’t mean the ones, you know,” he looked away, feeling awkward. “I mean the ones you used to have on your face.”

“Hmmm,” Noiz considered. Supporting his chin with his knuckles, he took a few moments before he answered. “I can’t really remember, to be honest. But as far as I remember, I didn’t feel anything at all. I couldn’t feel pain before, remember?”

Aoba didn’t need Noiz to remind him, and he didn’t want to remind Noiz about his dark past either.

“You haven’t answered me, though,” Noiz leaned back against his chair, his cup of coffee completely forgotten on the table. “Are you sure?”

This time, it was Aoba’s turn to consider as he took another bite of his toast, moving his sight away from Noiz and focused his attention on his own cup of coffee instead.

“It might hurt,” Noiz said, attempting to help ease Aoba’s thought process.

That was exactly what was holding Aoba back. But he wanted to do something for Noiz, something that he could share with him – something that would remind him not only of the Noiz now, but also the Noiz from before.

With his determination firmed, he took his cup of coffee up and drowned the rest of it down his throat before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

 

They found themselves in front of a piercing shop not long after. It was a decent-looking shop with several pictures of the different kinds of piercings pasted on the windows. Aoba scrutinized some of them, gasping when he found some that were too extreme for him to try.

“Are you sure you won’t get into trouble for this?” he asked Noiz instead, glancing sideway at his boyfriend just to see Noiz nodding.

“It should be fine as long as they aren’t as exaggerated as how I did it last time.”

“Hmmm, it’s a pity that your holes are closed. Or else you won’t need to feel the pain this time.”

Noiz smiled. Now giving Aoba a suggestive gaze, he said,

“It’s fine. In fact, it’s better this way. Now I can properly feel how it’d really feel if I was once able to feel.”

Aoba almost regretted saying anything. He knew Noiz liked a bit of pain, but he’d be troubled if it became an addiction.

Aoba was the first one to be pierced. Sitting nervously on the chair, he smiled weakly when a man came to attend to him.

“Don’t worry, it won’t hurt,” he said. And Aoba wanted to trust him so very much.

But he was right, it didn’t hurt at all. It stung, but on top of that, he felt little to no pain.

When it was Noiz’s turn though, Aoba stood beside him, observing his expression at most times. He wondered if Noiz had made the same impassive face as he did now when he first got his piercings; he wondered if he’d rejected the offer to numb his sensations first before he told whoever that pierced him that it was unnecessary; and he wondered what thought process he’d gone through when he choose the piercings he wanted.

When the sound of the piercing gun rang, he was suddenly hit by a thought – what if _he_ was the one who’d pierced himself back then? What if, back then, he held so much distrust towards others that he wasn’t willing to entrust his own skin to them?

Noiz’s pat on his shoulder snapped him back from his thoughts. And he smiled upon realizing that they now wore matching ear piercings – barely visible, but definitely present.

“Wait, there’s one more, right?” Aoba stopped him when he took his hand and headed towards the door. He remembered requesting for not only ear piercings but—

“I’ll do that for you,” Noiz responded, then waving the small plastic bag in his hand at Aoba. “I’ve got everything I need.”

Now Aoba was almost sure that he’d pierced himself when he first got his piercing.

 

He didn’t remember being _this_ nervous when he was in the shop earlier. Laying naked on the bed, he rested his head against the headboard, staring intensely at Noiz as he returned from the bathroom with a small bottle of what Aoba knew was antiseptic and a few other materials that he’d seen in the shop. He felt as if he was placed on an operation desk.

“Relax, trust my skill,” Noiz laughed as he put on a pair of latex glove.

“A-are you sure this is safe?” Aoba stuttered, gulping when he saw Noiz holding up a 14-gage piercing needle.

“I’ve made sure to sterilize everything,” Noiz said in a matter-of-fact tone. “Besides, I did most of my piercings by myself, if you need more assurance.”

Aoba trusted Noiz; but he didn’t trust himself. He knew he could endure pain, but a navel piercing wasn’t something he’d imagined himself doing and he didn’t know what to expect either.

Noiz obviously saw the hesitation on his face before he leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek.

“We can stop now if you want.”

“No way,” Aoba responded instantly. “I was the one who suggested this. There’s no way I would pull back now.”

Sometimes it really amazed Noiz on how persistent Aoba could be. Settling himself back in between Aoba’s legs, his gaze wandered to Aoba’s belly, to the spot where he was to pierce him. Then, after giving Aoba another confirmation look – in which Aoba responded with a nod – he slowly massaged the soft texture of Aoba’s belly, lovingly caressing the soft flesh before he applied antiseptic on a cotton ball and rubbed it over the tender spot of Aoba’s belly.

“Haha, it tickles,” Aoba giggled. Noiz had every intention to tease him further but the thought of ruining this whole plan hit him in his head and he restrained himself, continuing rubbing enough antiseptic on Aoba before he reached out for the clamp.

He could visibly see Aoba’s change of expression when he moved the clamp nearer to his skin.

“You sure you are fine with this?” he asked again, just to confirm that Aoba wasn’t suggesting this out of a spur of moment.

Aoba swallowed, eyeing the clamp with wavering gaze before he nodded, then closing his eyes, too scared to witness the entire process.

Noiz wanted so much to laugh but he held himself back, trying to be as professional as he could. The moment he pinch the fold of skin where he was about to pierce, Aoba gave out a small yelp, his legs almost closed out of reflex before Noiz held onto his waist, gently caressing his skin to calm him down.

“Don’t worry, it shouldn’t hurt too much,” he comforted.

He could see Aoba took a deep inhale, his hands still covering both of his eyes, all ready to brace what was about to come. He was starting to feel bad for him but then if Aoba wouldn’t want it he would’ve stopped him from the two times he’d asked him. The most he could do now was to make sure that he did a clean job so as not to put Aoba in troublesome aftercare after this.

With this resolution firmed in his head, he stretched, picked the navel piercing he’d selected for Aoba up, and, slowly and carefully, stretched the skin taut and pushed the needle through in a swift motion.

He was sure that Aoba had held his breath then when he pushed the needle through. But it ended as soon as it started. Aoba was still looking away when he was done. It took him another few seconds to look through the gap of his fingers, just to see Noiz taking his latex glove off and cleaning up the used materials.

“Huh? We’re done?” he asked timidly. When Noiz nodded, he gave out a bright smile. “I felt nothing.”

“Told you,” Noiz returned his smile. While Noiz cleaned the things up, Aoba looked down, his smile only grew wider upon realizing that Noiz had chosen a sky blue-colored navel piercing for him.

“Do you like it?”

He didn’t even notice that Noiz had returned to him but he quickly nodded, finger tracing on the new metal material on his belly and feeling a huge wave of surrealism within him.

“I never asked you before but,” he said when Noiz put his hand on top of his on his belly. “How did it feel when you first gotten your piercings? Did you think it’d hurt?”

Caressing the back of Aoba’s hand with his thumb, Noiz casually answered,

“I thought it’d hurt a lot. But I also knew that no matter how much it’d hurt, I won’t feel it anyway.” Slinging one arm around Aoba’s shoulder to bring him closer, he continued. “I didn’t use antiseptic when I pierced myself. Under normal circumstances, it should hurt a lot. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to use any, just to make sure that I was normal.”

Aoba instantly regretted his question. He was about to say something but Noiz seemed to have noticed his struggle as he quickly continued.

“But when I was pierced again back in the shop, I do felt it, even with the antiseptic.”

“The pain?” Aoba asked.

“… Kind of,” Noiz deliberated. “More like the feeling of being pierced, you know the feeling of something pushing through your skin? Yeah, that kind of feeling.”

It was what Aoba felt just minutes ago when Noiz gave him his navel piercing.

“And I thought it was supposed to feel like that when I did it to myself years back,” he paused for a moment just to smile at Aoba. “Thank you for reviving that feeling for me. I hope you like the present.”

Aoba never disliked anything Noiz gave him; and especially this one that he’d just given him, with his own hand – something similar that he could share with Noiz, experience and material wise – he almost felt like this was the best decision he’d ever make for them. Perhaps this was why Noiz insisted to do this for him, just so he could literally create a mark on Aoba’s body for himself.

“I’m not done yet, you know.” He ruffled Noiz on the hair, then shooting him a mischievous smirk. “Next time, I’ll tell you how it _actually_ feel to have this,” he pointed at his navel piercing. “…rubbing against your skin.”

Noiz’s returning grin told him that he’d hit a sweet spot of the brat he never knew existed.

And he wondered if it was too late to take his words back now.

“Maybe we can try piercing somewhere else next time, somewhere like…” Noiz’s hand sneaked down his body, and when he found his dick, Aoba knew that it was, indeed, too late to take his words back.

 


	10. Transition [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoba proposes a Rhyme rematch with Noiz; Noiz was hesitant about the idea, but little did he know that the rematch was intended to trigger a patch between him, Aoba, and someone who'd played a significant role in Aoba's long-forgotten past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized that I haven't done enough for Noiz & Desire so here we are - a whole new series dedicated just for them. This could be a teaser to what I intend to write in as part of my [anthology](http://shinocchidesu.tumblr.com/post/120105017857/more-than-a-feeling-noiz-x-aoba-anthology)'s story but it can also be a standalone of its own.
> 
> There're a lot of patches to be fixed between them. And this is just the first step.
> 
> This piece is also written as part of Noiz Week! Prompt was Old Burdens, New Beginning.
> 
> p/s: I also, really want to write a Rhyme match between Noiz and Slyblue u_u

Midorijima hadn’t changed much since the Platinum Jail incident. Every time Aoba returned, he’d find himself breathing in the familiar fresh air of the island. Midorijima felt like home, and he knew that Noiz felt the same – because this was where everything began.

He still remembered the brat who was once so obsessed with Rhyme, who practically _stalked_ him; the once nineteen-year-old who was so upfront and honest to the point that he might appeared rude. But now, as Aoba gave Noiz a sideway glance, the once Rhyme player no longer held the immature aura around him; rather, his existence emitted a sense of maturity that Aoba sometimes found intimidating. He was definitely proud of Noiz, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but worry for him. He’d told Noiz to grow at his own pace, but Noiz didn’t seem like he understood how his own pace was supposed to be like, causing Aoba to act as a constant mediator just to ensure that he wasn’t overworking himself.

“We have plenty of time this time round,” Aoba said happily. They walked down the street, hand-in-hand, and turned around the corner leading them towards the Seragaki household. “What else do you want to do?”

“Hmm,” Noiz considered, eyes fixed on the few street stalls they just passed by. “Nothing much,” he concluded. “Maybe just hang out a bit?”

Aoba wouldn’t mind anything Noiz was to suggest. But he did feel that it’d be a huge waste of opportunity if they were to spend time doing nothing like this.

“Yo, Noiz!”

A sudden voice cut his thoughts off as Noiz turned to face the source.

“It’s been a while!” A man ran towards him – he had green-colored hair, a beanie with matching color on his head and he was giving Noiz a cheeky grin that had Aoba scowling at him.

“Oh, it’s you,” Noiz said dismissively. “You’re still around.”

“Ruff Rabbit is still alive, you know,” the man said teasingly, punching Noiz on the shoulder as he did. “Thought you’ll never come back.”

Noiz smirked, instantly reminded Aoba of his younger days. 

“So, what brings you here?” the man continued asking, noticing that Noiz had no intention whatsoever to continue the conversation.

“I’m back to visit my family,” Noiz said, still with a matter-of-fact tone.

“’Family’?” the man repeated. Then, his eyes shifted and found Aoba’s. “Oh.”

“If you don’t mind,” Noiz said, and was about to turn his back when the man grabbed onto his shoulder, stopping him.

“Wait, so that means you aren’t going to play Rhyme again?”

Noiz hesitated momentarily before he gave out a small smirk.

“There’s no reason for me to play Rhyme anymore. Besides, is Rhyme even active now? Usui is gone.”

“It’s not as good as how it was but there are people still doing it,” the man explained. Upon noticing the light in Noiz’s eyes, he quickly grabbed the chance and continued. “Ruff Rabbit is still intact.”

“I have no intention to return to Ruff Rabbit.”

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t play Rhyme anymore.”

The man had a point. But if his intention was to bring Noiz back to the team, then he was merely wasting his time.

“Thanks for the concern,” Noiz said at long last. “But Rhyme is a past. I’d like to leave it as such.”

That seemed to be more than enough for the man to know his retreat. Giving Noiz another grin, he waved.

“Good luck, then!”

Noiz replied with nothing more than another wave before he grasped Aoba tighter on his hand, leading them down the street.

“Say…” Aoba started. He wasn’t sure how he could join the conversation from earlier but now that he was left alone with Noiz again, he thought he could resume his voice. “Are you sure you aren’t playing Rhyme anymore?”

Noiz stopped in his track, raising a curious eyebrow. Turning around, he looked at Aoba, a hint of curiosity in his eyes.

“I mean, it’s fine if you don’t want to be in any Rhyme team anymore. But Rhyme was part of your life. It was important to you. Don’t you miss it? Even a little?” Aoba continued. It was something that had been bugging him for a while but he hadn’t gotten the chance to confront it. Now that the topic was brought up, he thought at least he could grab this opportunity to clear his own doubts. 

Noiz seemed to be drowning in his own thoughts though, Aoba could see his gaze waver ever so slightly. He’d told Noiz this before, that moving on from his past didn’t mean that he should forget about it. It only meant that he was learning from it and that he was to use what he learned to move forward. 

“Rhyme is a past,” Noiz said. “I played Rhyme to feel. But I don’t think there’s a reason for me to do Rhyme again now that I can feel properly.”

Noiz had a point. And Aoba understood completely where he came from. Noiz had told him himself – Rhyme was appealing to him only because it gave him a sense of feel, of pain. That was the only reason he was attracted to it. Now that he no longer needed that assurance, Rhyme – a tool he once used – was no longer significant to him.

“But Rhyme was, and still, part of you,” Aoba insisted. “It’s the reason why you came here. And…” Realizing the next thing he was about to say, Aoba paused, attempting to contain himself before he continued. “… It was what draws you to me.”

Noiz’s eyes brightened. They were standing in the middle of the road. The sun was high, the sky bright; and even though there were less to no people around, the heat surrounding them was starting to draw sweat out of them as Noiz continued staring, with Aoba’s eyes fixed firmly on his own.

Aoba was right. Even though Aoba had little to no memory of his past, he was still _Sly Blue_ , still the person who once championed Rhyme. He was the reason why Noiz was drawn to Aoba; and Rhyme was the trigger to everything.

“What are you suggesting?” Noiz asked. He knew where this conversation was heading to. But it still surprised him when Aoba gave him a bright smile before he replied,

“Want to have a rematch?”

 

***

 

“Where exactly did you find this?”

Noiz stared in disbelief as Aoba unloaded their luggage and pulled his old clothing out, along with the beanie. It was well-ironed, clean without a single hint of crease, all the attachments – badges, pins – still firmly attached on their respective spots. Taking the clothing up, Aoba showcased it in front of Noiz momentarily, gave him a satisfied grin before he laid the clothing on the bed. 

They were already back in Aoba’s house and right after they greeted Tae, Aoba dragged Noiz up to his room, along with his luggage, and revealed his old clothing in the next minute.

“I found it in your wardrobe, of course,” Aoba said with a smirk.

“And what makes you bring it back?” Noiz asked, still visibly confused.

“Hmmm,” Aoba supported his chin with one finger as he tilted his head to stare at the ceiling. “A hunch, maybe?”

There was no way Noiz would take that. Giving out a sigh, he sat on the bed.

“You planned this all along. Why?” he asked while Aoba hummed happily and proceeded to take Noiz’s pants out of the luggage.

“You know, I don’t have a lot of memories from when I was obsessed with Rhyme,” he said, joining Noiz on the bed once he was done fiddling with his clothes.

Noiz knew about it, he’d known about it since his very first encounter with Aoba.

“I forgot how to play Rhyme. I forgot who I once was,” Aoba continued with a small voice. “And until today, I still couldn’t remember who Sly Blue was, or who I was when I was your age.”

Age was just a number, Noiz had noted. But for Aoba, his age was a reminder of the time he’d lost his memory.

“Does it matter?” Noiz asked instead, attempting to soothe the mood. “What matters is what you can remember now.”

“Past _does_ matter, Noiz,” Aoba retorted. “It’s very uncomfortable not knowing who you once were. I told you before – your past is meant to be learned, not to be forgotten. I want to do that for myself too, but I can’t.”

He let out a sigh at the end of his words.

It was then when Noiz noticed it – did Aoba suggested a rematch intentionally just so he could understand not only Noiz, but _himself_ better at the same time?

“Let’s have a rematch,” he said. “I’m not going to go easy on you.”

Aoba laughed. “Me neither.”

 

They could have it anywhere they wanted, even in this very house. But Aoba had a huge opinion with that as he hushed Noiz out of the house once he was done dressing himself up. Tae eyed him suspiciously as soon as she caught sight of his new yet familiar appearance and Aoba could only manage a bitter laugh before he took Noiz’s hand and headed out of the house.

“Ren, can you help us locate a free spot?”

“Understood.”

While Ren focused on navigation, Aoba turned to look at Noiz again. He was back to how he was when they first knew each other. A beanie on his head, bandages wrapped around his hands, the usual shirt that was a bit too short for him on the waist, and with his pair of shoes that was a perfect match to his overall look. The only things missing were his piercings but there was no way Aoba could ask him to put them back on now that his holes were closed. 

Regardless, he looked perfectly like the nineteen-year-old Rhyme player Aoba once knew, and it gave Aoba a wave of nostalgia upon remembering how reckless this very man once was.

“There’s an empty space right up ahead, two kilometers from here,” Ren’s voice interrupted his thought.

“Great. Lead us there.”

“Understood.”

The empty spot appeared to be an abandoned factory. Glancing around the space to make sure that the place was perfectly safe, Noiz then took his Allmate out, throwing it into the air and capturing it back in his palm twice before he flashed a smirk at Aoba’s direction.

“Ready?”

Aoba returned his smirk with one of his own.

“Ready when you are.”

It happened in a blink of an eye. The familiar rush of blue wave was something Aoba had always felt familiar yet unfamiliar of. He knew that his memories of his Rhyme day still resided in one corner of his brain; and even when he’d lost most of the details when he was still an active Rhyme player, his sensations, along with his body seemed to remember this intriguing wave extremely well.

And before he knew it, he was standing in a Rhyme field that he knew belonged to Noiz.

Nothing changed – the rabbit-themed field, the maze-liked layout; everything remained the same. They were brought back in time.

“Like I said,” Noiz’s voice rang from the other side of the field, immediately drawing Aoba’s attention towards him. “I’m not going easy on you.”

Aoba straightened himself up, gave his side a quick look to make sure that Ren was with him before he shot Noiz a confident smile.

“You’re talking to a once champion, brat. I’m not going easy on you either.”

He didn’t need to see Noiz’s face clearly to know that his smirk had just deepened at this response. 

Their first rematch when Noiz was discharged from the hospital then was a significant one. It wasn’t the fact that he won that mattered, but it was the fact that Noiz had come to understand the world _and_ himself better that had made a difference.

This time, Aoba wanted to achieve something similar again. He wanted Noiz to see his past self with the current perspective he now held. But on top of that, he wanted to see _himself_ again – this time, with a perspective that was slightly different than before.

And, it started.

“Aoba, instruction,” Ren’s voice rang by his ear.

“Let’s go.”

The first attack landed Noiz with a barely touchable hit. Aoba swallowed down his throat, his alertness increased the moment Noiz went into an attack stance.

“Loss.”

He heard from a distance. Immediately taking a step back, he instructed,

“Ren, defense!”

“Understood.”

Noiz’s attack was damaging, as expected from him but Aoba wasn’t prepared to surrender as he quickly stood on the spot and let out his next instruction. 

The match continued for a long while. Aoba was obviously much better than he was before but Noiz was the same. It seemed like his skill was still undamaged, as perfect and ruthless as how Aoba remembered him to be. He wasn’t pulling back at all.

It was not before long that Aoba realized himself at the losing end, like how it was during their first rematch. It was a hit to his pride but the result of this match – no matter if he was to win or lose – wasn’t the priority, he knew that. Noiz seemed to have slowed down his attacks soon after, realizing the end drawing closer. But Aoba wasn’t ready to surrender. Not yet. Noiz might have played his ground well, now being able to perfectly understand the position he was in; but the same couldn’t be said for Aoba.

He had yet to understand the thrill this game once gave him. He had yet to understand why he was so obsessed in the first place.

And when the stab hit him in the head, he knew that this time, he _needed_ to win – for a reason of his own.

 

It didn’t take too long for Noiz to notice the difference of the aura surrounding Aoba. He recognized the atmosphere – it was what he’d encountered when he was first defeated. It was an aura that belonged to Aoba, yet not quite similar, but Aoba nevertheless. He stopped his attacks and waited. Victory didn’t matter to him; what mattered was what they’d gain out of this match. And at this very moment, he knew that they were going to achieve something beyond their own comprehension level.

The attack from the opposite side hit him out of nowhere, as sudden as a blink of an eye, and it caught him off guard, resulting in a severe damage to his health.

He scowled, waited again for the smoke to subside before he gazed, as cautiously as he could just to confirm that his suspicions was right.

“I was wondering when you’ll finally resurface again,” he said, his voice loud enough to reach the other side of the field.

Even from a distance, he could still make out the smirk the man from the far end was wearing on his face – a gesture so very different yet similar to the Aoba he knew.

“Sly Blue.”

_Aoba_ had his both his hands on his hips, his gaze penetratingly sharp, the _golden_ orbs that he only gotten to see _once_ and had yearned to see it again boring right into his own eyes.

“I thought you wanted a match with me,” _Aoba_ said, with a voice Noiz wasn’t familiar with.

He let out a smirk.

“Indeed.” That was a wish he’d long forgotten.

“Shall we?” _Aoba_ ’s voice wasn’t too loud, but every single word rolled straight into Noiz’s heart as he swallowed. With a weak smile, he nodded.

He knew Aoba was strong; Aoba was great in his own ways, in ways Noiz never imagined him to be. But _Sly Blue_ was different – he was strong in a way Noiz _imagined_ him to be.

His attacks were clean, accurate, _damaging_. He had no mercy at all. There weren’t any emotions in every one of his hit and Noiz was reminded awfully of his past self – when he was once _this_ emotionless and _this_ merciless when it came to Rhyme matches.

The tables turned. Now, _he_ was at the losing end.

It was only _one_ attack away to crumble his victory into dust. But for some reason, _Aoba_ was holding back. He stood, merely giving Noiz a dismissive stare before he instructed Ren to stay put while he made his way towards Noiz, stopping only when they were two steps away from each other.

“Are you doing this seriously?” he asked. There was something mischievous in his expression that had Noiz chuckle out of reflex. The Aoba he knew held a certain extent of childishness in him, but the pettiness in _this_ Aoba was so loudly pronounced that it made it hard for Noiz to take him seriously.

“I am,” he responded, almost smiling again when he noticed the pout on _Aoba_ ’s face. “I’m just no match for you.”

He was being completely honest and he’d noticed how he was already in a disadvantage the second time _Aoba_ launched an attack at him.

“Hmm,” _Aoba_ hummed. “Are you sure you aren’t pulling back because it’s me.”

“Not really,” Noiz responded. “Aoba wouldn’t want that,” he paused, noticing the scowl in between _Aoba_ ’s eyebrows. “ _You_ wouldn’t want that.”

Aoba hummed again as he eyed Noiz with an interested gaze. 

Then, he took a step closer to Noiz, almost tiptoeing as he glared penetratingly into Noiz’s bright lime green eyes.

“Have we met before?” he asked out of the sudden, catching Noiz off guard.

“We did,” he said without hesitance. “We’re together now.”

“No, what I mean is, have we met before you forced me into your Rhyme field the first time we fought?”

Noiz needed a few moments to understand what _Aoba_ was referring to. He thought that this Aoba – albeit recognizing that he was the _same_ Aoba with the Aoba he knew – held different memories with the one Aoba had. But it seemed like this wasn’t the case. In fact, this _Aoba_ might even knew everything the other Aoba knew.

“I don’t think so?” he said. He was _sure_ that the forced match between him and Aoba was the first time they’d met each other.

“Hmm, weird,” _Aoba_ merely said. “I’m sure that I’ve met you somewhere before.”

The only time he’d gotten to know about Sly Blue was after he’d defeated all the strong Rhyme players on the island. But even when he finally gotten to know about the once champion, he had already retired, with no memory of Rhyme whatsoever and living a normal Seragaki Aoba life who had no intention to be involved with Rhyme any longer.

But his memories could be wrong. That was what this _Aoba_ ’s suspicions had told him.

“Never mind that,” _Aoba_ waved a hand, dismissing the matter, his expression changed from a curious to a naughty one in the next second. “So, _Noiz_ , right? I believe this is the first time we meet.”

Indeed, Noiz thought. He’d wanted to meet this person ever since he’d found out that Aoba had a hidden persona deep within him that had yet to be resolved. But he never thought that he’d meet him in such a way; halfway through a Rhyme match, and in his own Rhyme field.

“In case you’re wondering, the voice belongs to me, so is Scrap.”

Noiz wasn’t wondering about anything at all. He was just dumbstruck at the sudden change of event.

He’d wanted to confront Aoba about this when Aoba was ready; but now, _he_ was the one who wasn’t ready at all.

“I don’t intend to possess this body for long, if you’re wondering,” _Aoba_ seemed to be guessing Noiz’s thoughts, and it didn’t make it any easier for him when all Noiz showed was an impassive expression. “Aoba wanted to win. I wanted to help him.”

“Does he now?” Noiz finally spoke. He thought Aoba wasn’t eager with the result of the match. But it seemed like it was his own assumption all along.

“He wanted to talk to me,” _Aoba_ said. “But no, not now.”

He allowed a few seconds of silence between them before _Aoba_ let out a sigh, then giving out a soft smile.

“I know he’s not ready. So do you.” He nudged a finger against Noiz’s chest. “Faster grow up, brat.”

Noiz was completely speechless. He was used to dealing with Aoba, he _knew_ how to deal with Aoba. But this _Aoba_ was in a whole new league for him and he was slightly taken aback, unsure of how to respond. _Aoba_ seemed like he’d read his thoughts, though. Turning his back towards him, he waved a hand, and was about to walk back to his spot when Noiz stretched an arm, grasping him on the wrist.

“What?” _Aoba_ asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Aoba,” Noiz called out, his eyes brightened when _Aoba_ ’s expression softened _._ “Regardless of who you are and what you intend to do, you’re still Aoba and I’ll accept you as such. I don’t mind you coming out to talk to us anytime, as long as Aoba is fine with it.”

_Aoba_ lowered his head then. Noiz thought he was thinking of something – a comeback, probably – but when he lifted his head to look at Noiz again, he was _smiling_ , a smile that reminded Noiz dearly of the Aoba he knew.

“He’s fine,” _Aoba_ said, his voice no longer taunting as before. “He told me. He’s only worried about you.”

“I’ll tell him not to,” Noiz was quick to respond. “You tell him too. He could be too much of a worrywart at times.”

Before _Aoba_ could respond, Noiz gave his wrist a hard tug, pulling him over into an embrace.

“I’m learning, I’ve grown up,” Noiz said, his breath hitting directly on _Aoba_ ’s face. “I can handle this.”

_Aoba_ smirked, then he gave out small laughs. When he was done, he looked at Noiz again, leaning forward to kiss him on the lips before he struggled out of Noiz’s embrace.

“I don’t want to tell him that. _You_ tell him that.” He throttled, pulling a distance between them. And Noiz knew his time was up. He would probably see this _Aoba_ again – but not this time; this time, their time was up.

And the next second he looked up, he was facing the Aoba from before – the Aoba he had come to know.

“Last hit, Noiz.” He heard from a distance. Closing his eyes, he nodded, bracing himself for the defeat he well deserved.

 

***

 

“Argh, I still can’t do it myself.”

“So you are aware.”

They sat on the floor, retreated from the Rhyme field once the final blow hit Noiz as Aoba gave out a loud sigh.

“I am, I’ve been hearing him all along.”

“And you don’t intend to tell me.”

“No, that’s not it,” Aoba quickly clarified. “I want to be more independent. And I, well…” he paused before he continued. “I wanted to make sure that both you and I are completely comfortable about it before I break it to you.”

He understood where Aoba was coming from. So he nodded. Standing up, he stared, urging Aoba to do the same before he held out a hand.

“Congratulations,” Noiz said. “To you, and _you_.”

Aoba didn’t need Noiz to clarify why he’d repeated ‘you’ twice. Taking his hand in his, he shook it, smiled and said,

“Happy graduation.”

Aoba never told him before during their first rematch. But now, when Aoba mouthed the two words at him, he returned his smile with a genuine one of his own, completely understood what he meant -

He’d finally graduated from the senseless, inconsiderate brat he once was, like how Aoba had worded it.

Aoba was right about him – he’d had his old burdens; his childhood which consisted of nothing but four walls and constant silence, his teen years which consisted of nothing but Rhyme and sensationless days. Those were all in the past, but those were what made him to become the Noiz he was today. He didn’t intend to dismiss his past, just like how Aoba didn’t intend to dismiss _his_ ; he wanted to confront it again – like how he did it today – and revive the feeling that he once thought was right. Now that he was back in the Rhyme field, there was just something… sensual about it. It gave him a whole new perspective and it taught him a world that he never knew was possible.

Aoba had given him this chance – Aoba had told him to embrace his past to prepare for a new beginning.

And he wanted to do the same for Aoba – by helping him to embrace _his_ past, along with someone else who had played the most important role in shaping him into who Aoba was today. He knew there would be a day when he’d have to confront this complication, and he was ready, whenever _Aoba_ was ready.

 

 


	11. Pain [Koujaku x Noiz]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had a long way to go; but he couldn't quite believe how Noiz had a longer way than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Noiz Week - Prompt was Pain.

He couldn’t quite believe it when he first found out that Noiz couldn’t feel pain; and it bewildered him even further when he realized that pain wasn’t the only thing Noiz couldn’t feel – but sensations and emotions as a whole.

He thought it was a lie – or an excuse to escape reality, whichever worked for him – that Noiz used to conceal the fact that he couldn’t care less about others, let alone their feelings. But of the various occurrences that Koujaku came to observe, he noticed that the nineteen-year-old wasn’t lying at all, even though he’d portrayed an obvious sense of distrust when he broke the news to Koujaku one night after Koujaku had accidentally gone too rough on him during their lovemaking, which Koujaku resent and apologized later. Noiz’s lacked of expression had always been a huge concern to Koujaku. He told himself that it could be due to Noiz’s inability to express himself better, and that Noiz had this big trust issue that had led to this.

He told himself that Noiz would eventually open up to him soon; he would, in due course, show him more expressions, he’d be able to convey himself better.

But he didn’t know that Noiz wasn’t able to do _any_ of those. Because he couldn’t, he was born as such.

“Tell me if it hurts,” Koujaku said, an order he deemed insignificant as Noiz shrugged, a gesture that told Koujaku that he shared his opinion. Regardless, he inhaled deeply, then carefully plucking on the piercings that were on Noiz’s ear, taking them off one by one.

“Does it hurt?” he asked again, in which Noiz responded with a light shook of head. It was an answer he’d expected, but it wasn’t an answer he wanted. He tried tugging harder, longing to draw some reaction out of Noiz. He had his doubts, and he was _really_ starting to believe that Noiz was serious about not being able to feel _at all_. But there was still a faint hint of hope sitting on his heart, and he wanted so much for it to grow livelier and crush his doubts into dust.

But all Noiz did was staring into space, allowing Koujaku to do whatever he wanted to his piercings before he turned around, curious at the sudden lack of reaction.

“What?” he asked. It was a tone so very emotionless, a tone that Koujaku was so very familiar with, but a tone that the older man so very disliked.

“Don’t you feel _anything_ at all?” Koujaku asked again. He held the metal studs he’d took off from Noiz’s ears loosely in his hand, eyes staring penetratingly into Noiz’s, attempting to sense even the slightest hint of emotions in them.

“A nudge, maybe. But that’s about it.”

He scowled. Putting the metal studs aside, he raised a hand to caress Noiz’s ear shell, rubbing the reddened spot with his thumb when Noiz added his own hand on top of Koujaku’s.

“I told you before,” he reaffirmed. “I can’t feel pain. All I can feel is a numb sensation, as if there’s something blocking my skin, preventing me from being able to directly feel the impact, whatever it is.”

Koujaku knew that Noiz was trying to describe how he felt to him. It must be tough, considering he never knew how exactly pain felt like in the first place. But judging from the tone he was using, it didn’t seem like he cared either. It hurt Koujaku, and he hoped Noiz could at least feel how he was feeling like, perhaps at least once.

“Tell me how you feel inside now.” With that thought, he took Noiz’s hand in his and entwined their fingers. “You _do_ feel something, right?”

Noiz stared dazedly at him for a few moments before he tilted his head, staring at the ceiling then back at Koujaku again.

“I don’t feel a lot at most times,” he started, being completely upfront. “I’m not interested with a lot of things.”

That was a truth Koujaku knew. He’d long acknowledged that things that were able to catch Noiz’s interest were like rare gems. He rarely conveyed interest, rarely wanting to know more, and most of the time, he found himself yearning to leave the scene as fast as he could instead of spending more time dwelling with things that he knew won’t be any beneficial to him.

He expressed very well in _that_ way.

“Ah,” Noiz suddenly said, a small smirk gradually making its way to his feature. “But I do feel a bit more when it comes to you, though.”

“Huh?” Now that caught Koujaku’s attention, also effectively distracting him from his own inner contradictions. “Tell me about it.”

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

He would never forget about it. And so he nodded, suddenly reminding himself of the familiar combat he once had with Noiz in a very small space that was Aoba’s room.

“I felt an urge to win,” Noiz continued.

“Isn’t that what you always feel?”

“I don’t,” Noiz responded. “Because I already know I’ll win.”

Koujaku laughed. “That’s pretty cocky of you, isn’t it?”

“There’s no reason to deny the truth when you know it’s one.”

Well, Noiz had a point there. But he was still not hitting the point Koujaku was more interested with.

“So you think I’m a tough opponent?” he speculated, feeling a sense of triumph within him when Noiz lowered his head with a scowl in between his eyebrow, seemingly trying to sort out his own thoughts.

“In a way, yes,” he said. Instantly, Koujaku could sense how unsure he was – and he wasn’t surprised at all. For a person who hadn’t gotten the chance to understand about emotions in general, it was perfectly normal for them to get confused over the sudden change of feelings they felt within them.

“I thought you were different, very unlike the others I used to face.”

Was it because of his extreme temper? Koujaku wondered. Because no matter how aggressive the others could be, there was no way they’d match Koujaku’s trademark, quick-to-anger personality.

“I _am_ different,” he probed more. “I am a Rib player after all.”

A Rib player was all about physique, about strength, about action. But Noiz was a Rhyme player; and a Rhyme player was everything opposite of what a Rib player should be.

“Hmmm,” Noiz considered again. It probably wasn’t something that he could figure out so easily. And Koujaku didn’t want to force him either. He might be determined to find out the answer for himself now but the answer can wait. He had time to gain more experiences in this sense, there was no need to rush.

So Koujaku pinched on his earlobe, pressing the thin flesh in between his fingers when Noiz gave him an inquisitive look.

“Try and see if you can feel any pain,” Koujaku said, prodding harder on his ear.

Noiz _chuckled_ , which did nothing but stopping Koujaku from whatever he was doing as he stared, dumbstruck, at the unexpected response.

“You’re quite a forceful man, aren’t you?” Noiz commented. Giving out a sigh, he brushed Koujaku’s hand away and leaned forward instead, pressing his hands at both of Koujaku’s sides.

“There’s no need to try too hard. What’s the truth is the truth. It’s a fact that I can’t feel physical pain and there’s no way I can change that,” he explained. “But I _can_ feel emotional pain. And that’s why you are different.”

Koujaku thought he hadn’t figured the answer out, but it seemed like he’d taken the young man too lightly. He’d probably figured it out since he first felt it.

Noiz’s sensations were dull, but that didn’t mean he was senseless.

“A Rib player is all about physical action,” Noiz started, noticing the confusion on Koujaku’s face. He held a hand up, taking strands of Koujaku’s dropping hair into his hand and swirling the tips with his finger. “A Rhyme player is all about brains,” he continued, his voice dropped an octave lower. Koujaku didn’t even have the time to feel insulted when Noiz released his hair and brushed his bangs aside instead, revealing the tattoo on his face. “It’s not hard to tell how much physical pain you’d gone through to be able to endure the ones that came after. And that,” he paused, straightening himself up and towering over Koujaku. In that instance, Koujaku felt an intimidating sense of dominance that had him gulping at Noiz, who was _still_ giving him a blank, almost penetrating stare when a small, devilish smirk formed on his face. “… pains me.”

Noiz might not be able to feel pain, but he was smart; perhaps way too clever for his own good. He didn’t need pity – he’d emphasized on that when he first told Koujaku about his disability. He didn’t need help. He could learn about _pain_ simply by observing.

And for all Koujaku knew, pain was all he felt when he exposed his past, inerasable scars right in front of him. Just like how he did now.


	12. Unchanged [Koujaku, Aoba, Noiz]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if one day, Noiz turns into a toddler and both Aoba and Koujaku have to take care of him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Noiz Week - Prompt was: What if?

They thought it was a hallucination; or so they wished.

When they opened the door to Noiz’s apartment two hours after he’d missed an important appointment with them, they could only stare, jaw dropping, at the sight in front of them. Noiz’s front door was unlocked, his shoes placed neatly by the shoe rack – an obvious sign that he was in the house. There weren’t any sounds from beneath the door at all and it took one hesitant nod between Koujaku and Aoba before they finally pushed the door open.

At first, they thought that they were wrong, that there _really_ wasn’t anyone at home but as they squinted through the darkness, the realized that there was in fact, _someone_ in the house and that _someone_ happened to be someone that they’d never once imagined to meet in their life.

“Are you sure Noiz is not married?” Koujaku asked warily, his voice so soft but yet it vibrated so clearly in Aoba’s ear that had Aoba swallow down his throat, trying to make sense of what he was seeing in front of him.

“I’m hundred percent sure,” Aoba whispered back, as if afraid that any volume louder than this would wake whatever contained in the small bundle in front of him.

“Then how do you explain this?” Koujaku pointed at the item. “You sure this isn’t his son or anything?”

Aoba swallowed again, eyes fixed on the pile of cloth before he took a step forward, stopping only when the thing _moved_.

Both he and Koujaku froze. Shooting each other an indecisive look, they nodded. Aoba stretching out first, slowly taking the cloth they recognized as Noiz’s clothing off the moving item while Koujaku stood behind, hands clenched into fists and all prepared to draw his sword in case he needed to launch an attack.

The next thing they saw froze all of their movements. In front of them was a three-year-old toddler, who was soundly asleep and only fidgeted slightly when Aoba pulled the clothing completely off him. He looked exactly like a younger version of Noiz, which was surreal it its own; but above all, he was _naked_ , and both Koujaku and Aoba’s jaw dropped as the truth hit him, urging Aoba to quickly covered his naked body with the clothing before he turned to smile bitterly at Koujaku.

“I don’t know what happened but…” he started, interrupted by Koujaku’s sigh as the older man scratched on his head.

“This is just a very bad dream.”

 

It was an hour later that Aoba found the said toddler sitting in between his legs, now fully dressed in a rabbit onesie and playing with a milk bottle while Koujaku sat on a nearby couch, giving the pair a suspicious stare with disbelief written all over his own face.

It was fifteen minutes later that Aoba found the said toddler throwing the milk bottle away as he turned in an almost aggressive way to face Aoba. He seemed like he wanted to say something but all he did was sucking on his green-colored pacifier as he, practically, _scowled_ at Aoba.

“Baby seems like he has an opinion about this whole situation,” Koujaku’s voice rang from afar.

“So do you,” Aoba said, instantly responded by Koujaku’s loud sigh.

“I have no idea what is happening but from what I’ve gathered,” he looked around the room, as if trying to find a hint to unveil this mystery. “Seems like brat had gone back time.”

“So you don’t think this is his son anymore?” Aoba shot Koujaku a smirk.

“There’s no way he’ll leave his son alone in a dark house, at 10.00 p.m. at night,” Koujaku defended.

“Hmmm,” Aoba hummed, and Koujaku instantly regretted his choice of words. Aoba knew that he was dissatisfied with Noiz most of the time; and for him to blurt out something that sounded as if he was defending Noiz did nothing but increasing the awkwardness within him.

“Anyway, what do we do with him now?” Koujaku pointed his chin at the toddler, who had now turned to scowl at him instead. Upon noticing that, Koujaku stood up, walked towards the pair and settled beside Aoba as he brought his face close to the visibly annoyed toddler.

“I don’t like him,” he said, his eyes bored deep into the toddler’s. “He looks too much like that bean sprout.”

“He _is_ Noiz,” Aoba corrected. No matter how unbelievable this whole situation was, there was no other explanation as to why Noiz was suddenly nowhere to be seen, and why a toddler that looked exactly like him was found in his very room. The only justification to this could only be that Noiz, for some reason, had shrunk – or like Koujaku said, ‘gone back to time’ – and had become the toddler he was now.

“That explains a lot then,” Koujaku gave out a sarcastic laugh.

He was about to lift himself up when _Noiz_ reached a short hand out, grabbing his bangs and literally pulling on it.

“H-hey!” Koujaku shrieked. He wanted to pull himself off, but Aoba carried _Noiz_ away then, putting a distance between them.

“Don’t hurt him!” he scowled at Koujaku.

“ _He_ hurt me first!” Koujaku retorted.

“Seriously, Koujaku. Are you sure you want to fight with a small child?” Aoba reprimanded. _Noiz_ was glaring at Koujaku when Koujaku returned his gaze at him. He returned his glare with one of his own before he launched forward again, pointing a finger at _Noiz_ ’s face.

“You behave, little brat,” he literally growled the words through his teeth.

The toddler made a small sound then, gradually growing louder when his pacifier fell from his mouth and rolled on the floor.

“Bu! Grr…”

Koujaku was _sure_ that the toddler was growling at him.

“What have you done, Koujaku?” Aoba can’t help but laugh. The scene in front of him reminded him of Koujaku and Noiz’s usual confrontations but it was even more hilarious now that Koujaku was getting fired up by a mere toddler.

“Ask him!” Koujaku scowled at _Noiz_ , who was waving both of his hands at him and attempting to jump out of Aoba’s embrace.

“Calm down,” Aoba said, voice gentle, as he hugged the whole of _Noiz_ ’s body into his arms before he proceeded to cradle him.

_Noiz_ seemed to be obeying him, though. The moment Koujaku was out of sight, he returned his attention to Aoba as Aoba hummed him a soft lullaby. Instead of falling asleep, the toddler merely stared at the man’s profile, his bright green eyes filled with curiosity.

As Aoba rocked him in his arms, he closed his eyes, concentrating on his lullaby when he felt a tiny hand on his face.

“Hm? What is it?”

_Noiz_ had reached up to touch Aoba’s cheek. His gesture wasn’t as aggressive as before anymore; rather, it was gentle, and it reminded Aoba of how Noiz used to touch him whenever they were in close proximity.

“Are you hungry?” Aoba asked, smiling at the toddler before he turned around to look for his milk bottle. But _Noiz_ grabbed on his shirt then, pulling his attention back at him before Aoba heard the toddler making more sounds.

“Ah, bu…”

He couldn’t understand a baby’s language, but this particular baby looked too much like Noiz that Aoba couldn’t help but leaned forward and planted a kiss on his forehead, the fine texture of his blond-colored hair tickled his nose when he did that.

“How did you do that?” Koujaku’s voice rang out of a sudden. The toddler jolted slightly, was about to look around for the source of the voice before Aoba brought his head closer and practically pressing his head against his chest.

“This is called babysitting, Koujaku,” he said, sarcastic.

“Have you babysit before then?” Koujaku asked, amazement obvious in his tone.

“Nope, never,” Aoba responded casually. Koujaku seemed like he wanted to ask more but Aoba started again before he could throw his question out. “Ah, maybe.”

“Really?”

Could this be one of the things Aoba had done when he was back in mainland, Koujaku wondered.

But then, Aoba shot him a mischievous look before he answered,

“I only babysit _one_ person before,” he said, slowly and taking pleasure in seeing the curiosity intensified in Koujaku’s expression. “And that’s him.”

He lifted _Noiz_ up then, shoving him in Koujaku’s direction.

Koujaku didn’t need Aoba to explain himself to understand what Aoba meant. Noiz may be a grown nineteen-year-old, but he was obviously still unknown to a lot of things. Aoba had always been there to guide him when he needed it; and before they knew it, Aoba had become Noiz’s only point of reference whenever he came across anything he wasn’t sure of.

Perhaps that was why this Noiz-lookalike was so attached to Aoba as well.

Giving out another loud sigh, Koujaku retreated to one corner, leaving the two alone as he checked out the items in Noiz’s apartment. He hadn’t been here often and he was even surprised to see that the place was well cleaned and organized.

But the next moment, he felt a pull at the hem of his kimono before he could even move out of the couch he was sitting on, looking down just to see _Noiz_ scowling at him by his leg.

“I’m sorry, he jumped out before I can catch him,” Aoba said from a distance.

Aoba wasn’t sorry at all. Koujaku could see from his face – he was suppressing a laugh, and was totally not pitiful towards how _Noiz_ was roughly pulling on Koujaku’s kimono to the extent that Koujaku was even amazed to know how much strength a toddler his age possessed.

“What do you want?” he grumbled, bending down to carry the angry toddler up.

_Noiz_ glared. Without his pacifier, Koujaku could clearly see a pout forming on his face, his tiny hands grabbing onto Koujaku’s big ones before he made another sound.

“Bu, grr.. ah!”

He couldn’t even understand what _Noiz_ was trying to tell him. All he could do was stared at him, _Noiz_ staring back at him with equal intensity. Then, out of a sudden, _Noiz_ lifted both his small hands up and pressed them on both sides of Koujaku’s face, his small legs kicking in midair when Koujaku pulled him closer out of reflex.

“Bu, bu,” he made more sounds, sounds that Koujaku still couldn’t decipher. His face was closer now, their gaze close, merely inches apart. Then, the next thing happened so fast Koujaku immediately pulled his distance away from the toddler.

“Did he just…” Aoba said, shocked.

Whatever Aoba assumed was right – _Noiz_ had just _licked_ the tip of Koujaku’s nose, completely catching Koujaku off guard. He was still trying to make sense of what happened when _Noiz_ jumped out of his weak clutch and crawled back to Aoba instead, settling himself in between Aoba’s legs before he stretched both of his hands out at Aoba, obviously asking for a hug.

Still amazed, Aoba obliged, carrying _Noiz_ in his arms as he glanced at Koujaku, the urge to laugh too hard to resist.

“What have you done?” he directed the question at _Noiz_ instead, intending to let Koujaku calm down before he could confront him. _Noiz_ ’s answer came in a form of hair-pulling.

“Ouch, what is it?” _Noiz_ continued pulling on his hair, drawing his face closer until Aoba’s nose was near his mouth before he leaned forward, doing exactly the same thing as what he did to Koujaku.

Aoba nearly dropped him.

“Ha! So much for laughing at me,” Koujaku snickered at him from the couch.

“Wh-what?” Aoba retorted with a faint tint of pink on his face. “I-it’s not like it’s anything bad, you know.”

“Oh, really?” Koujaku teased.

Completely avoiding his question, Aoba put the toddler down, mumbling about making food as he left the space, still blushing, leaving both _Noiz_ and Koujaku to continue glaring at each other, Noiz sticking his tongue out at Koujaku almost causing Aoba to run back to them from the kitchen.

 

It was almost midnight when Aoba settled _Noiz_ in the innermost side of the bed as he snuggled under the blanket, joining him.

“You fine with sleeping there?” he asked Koujaku, who’d just laid comfortably on the couch.

“Fine, it’s only one night anyway,” Koujaku responded with a yawn. “Sleep, then we’ll go to the hospital tomorrow and settle this once and for all.”

Giving Koujaku a bitter smile, Aoba returned his attention to _Noiz_ , who had his pacifier back in his mouth and was staring at Aoba when Aoba brought him into an embrace and kissed the top of his head.

“Goodnight, Noiz,” he mumbled.

He didn’t check if _Noiz_ had fallen asleep before he fell asleep himself.

 

Koujaku was awoken by a loud shriek the next morning. Jumping out of the couch out of reflex, he turned immediately to the source of the scream, almost launching himself at the scene if he hadn’t been holding himself back.

Aoba was in the bed, with Noiz. Koujaku wouldn’t be too shocked if it was the same _Noiz_ he’d remembered from yesterday; but this Noiz was the Noiz he remembered for as long as he knew Noiz and he had to hold on to every ounce of his muscle to stop himself from shouting at them. Noiz was hugging Aoba, yawning softly and still asleep but, like how they’d discovered him in toddler form the previous day, he was… naked, from head to toe.

“Noiz!” Aoba screamed, snapping Koujaku out of his daze. “Wake up!”

Noiz opened his eyes then, slowly, and the moment he saw Aoba, he gave out a yawn before he sank his head deeper into Aoba’s chest, still hugging him.

“When did you come back to normal?” Aoba asked, trying to struggle out of Noiz’s embrace but to no avail.

“Few hours back,” Noiz mumbled sleepily.

“What?”

“When you’re all asleep,” he continued, reading Aoba’s thoughts.

“You mean you know what happened?” Aoba asked.

“I do,” Noiz opened his eyes, now fully awake. “I remember everything.”

Koujaku didn’t even need to see Aoba’s face to know how red it was now.

“Can you just… let me go?” Aoba grumbled. Giving Aoba a quick smirk, Noiz obeyed, releasing Aoba before he sat up and let out another yawn.

There was a lot of explaining he needed to do. But from what Aoba gathered from his consistent persuading, this all happened thanks to a code, a drink, and a wish; the last being something Aoba hadn’t managed to dig out of Noiz before the youngest man dismissed his question with a smirk directed at both of them before he dressed himself up, the last words they heard of him being his intention to investigate further on the matter.

Whatever it was, Koujaku had a bad feeling that history might repeat itself again, especially if Noiz managed to decipher the mystery behind this.

And he was almost sure that the next time this happened, it wouldn’t be Noiz who would experience it again.

But them.


	13. Belonged [Noiz x Aoba; Koujaku]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes there is more to life than just your lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Noiz Week. Prompt was: Friend.  
> Noiz tying loose ends with Koujaku :D

Being able to feel was weird, but just for a short while. It was still a surreal feeling waking up to being able to feel for once. He hadn’t quite gotten used to the feeling of air brushing against his skin that was the wind blowing in through the open window; nor had he gotten used to the slight warm he felt on his skin when sunshine poured into the room. He opened his eyes and blinked, twice, until they had gotten used to the lights that he sat up, reaching out to his Coil to check on the time.

It was 10:00 a.m. in the morning. Aoba would only drop by in the evening, which was way too long for him to wait.

Without knowing what to do, he pulled a few hologram screens out from his Coil, scrolling through a few newsfeeds and silently hoping that he could fast forward time now.

Being admitted into the hospital wasn’t something common to him; he’d learned how to ignore wounds and the fact that he couldn’t feel any of time only made his job easier. But being admitted into the hospital reminded him awfully of the time when he was secluded in his own room, when he only had four walls as his speaking companion along with constant silence that was a bit too deafening for his preference.

It wasn’t a feeling he could completely forget but it wasn’t something that he wanted to remember either.

He looked at the time again. It was only 10:10 a.m. He gave out a sigh. If he could, he’d definitely choose to leave the hospital now.

 

The food in the hospital weren’t up to his preference either – they were too bland, and for most time he thought he was munching on dry, soft, tasteless cotton balls more than anything else. But he didn’t want more questions from the nurses and before he knew it, he found himself forcing the food down his throat and ended up spending the next few hours trying to soothe the uncomfortable scrunch in his stomach.

It was 4:00 p.m. when he finally felt better. Propping himself up with a pillow, he continued scrolling through his Coil, attempting to find something interesting to read when he heard knocks echoing from the door.

“Noiz, it’s me, can I come in?”

He didn’t need to answer, Aoba already knew what it was. He was expecting to see Aoba coming in with a plastic bag in one hand and Ren in the other; but instead, right after Aoba walked in with his usual bright grin, he was followed shortly by two other persons, immediately drawing a frown on Noiz’s face.

“I managed to get off work earlier today and I brought you visitors!”

There was an obvious hint of displease on Noiz’s face when the said visitors walked into the room. Koujaku visibly shared the same dissatisfaction as he gave Noiz a quick glance before he shifted his gaze to look at Aoba instead. Clear literally _bounced_ into the room, and the moment he saw Noiz all healthy but still covered in bandages, he approached him, practically shrieking into his face,

“Noiz-san! I’m glad to see that you’re doing well now! But these must hurt, don’t they?” he asked, pointing at the bandages.

Noiz shrugged. He’d waited the entire day for Aoba; but now that his bubbles were burst, he could only kept to himself, trying not to portray too much discontent when Aoba was now happily taking the fruits along with a container of what Noiz knew was Tae’s homemade donut from the smell out of the plastic bag. Aoba seemed happy, and the last thing Noiz wanted was to burst _his_ bubbles.

“How are you feeling today, Noiz?” Aoba asked, putting the fruits on a plate before he looked around for glasses.

“The usual,” Noiz replied dismissively.

Aoba didn’t seem to register what he said either. Still looking around, his eyes brightened when he found the glasses, picking them up and pushing two of them into Clear’s hands.

“Clear, can you help me out? I need to wash these.

“Sure, Master!”

Sometimes Clear’s constant enthusiasm made Noiz wonder exactly how much energy this man had.

With a glass in each of his hand, Aoba straightened himself up, then waving the glasses at Noiz.

“I’ll wash these first, then we can eat.”

Noiz’s priority wasn’t even for Aoba to feed him when he was here; all he ever wanted was Aoba’s company, even if they were to do absolutely nothing at all.

And besides, the idea of having to stay in the same room with the person he couldn’t get along the most did nothing but intensifying his already irk-filled nerves.

The moment the sound of door closed was the moment when silence started spreading in the room. Noiz returned his attention to the Coil, pretending that he was suddenly interested with the boring news of a street fight in one alley of Midorijima. He could vaguely hear Koujaku letting out a soft sigh, then he heard the sound of the legs of chair being dragged on the ground, and before he knew it, Koujaku was sitting by the bed and literally, staring at Noiz.

“Nothing worth reading in the news,” he said, breaking the silence in the room. He’d almost forgotten how this man’s voice sounded like. But now that his memory was revived, it gave him a sense of nostalgia when his was reminded of how this very voice had vibrated loudly in his ears when they first met.

It felt as if they’d first met each other years back when fact was it was only, probably, the third month since they’d known each other.

It made him wonder how time managed to make someone feel as if they’d known a person for the rest of his life when the truth was that they barely knew each other.

He wasn’t planning on telling Koujaku this either. Admitting defeat, he dismissed all his hologram screens, putting his Coil aside and fixed his attention at the older man.

“It’s already peaceful after all,” he gave Koujaku his delayed answer.

Koujaku managed a sarcastic smile, a response that told Noiz that he agreed with him.

He wasn’t used to this calm atmosphere; the only mood he was used to share with Koujaku was one of constant angry sparks and unnecessary confrontations. It agitated him.

“What brings you here anyway? Did Aoba force you here? You didn’t need to come if you don’t feel like it, you know?”

He was expecting Koujaku to shout in his ears or probably even give him a few good knocks but all Koujaku did was giving out another sigh as he gave Noiz a bitter look.

“You don’t need to be so distant with me, you know?” Koujaku said, a weak smile still gracing his features.

Noiz didn’t even know why he did that. Perhaps he wasn’t used to change, especially not when he was one who believed that he once had everything around him under control and that change wasn’t necessary for him to survive. Or perhaps he simply didn’t know of the right way to face Koujaku now that they were no longer, and had no reason to go down each other’s throats anymore.

He didn’t know what the deal between him and Koujaku now was anymore. Were they enemies? Not really. They weren’t enemies from the very beginning, anyway; their conflicts only occurred thanks to the opposing positions they were in. But now Noiz was no longer part of a Rhyme team, he didn’t even know if he would play Rhyme again now that he could feel.

Were they acquaintances then? Probably not. They had known each other for too long, too well to be considered as mere hi-bye acquaintances.

So were they friends then?

Noiz scowled at the thought.

 _Friends_ , it wasn’t something he’d considered before. He’d long abandoned the thought of having friends, thinking that people around him only approached him for their own benefits. The concept of _making friends_ was non-existent, he’d once concluded.

Then, if that was the case, he wouldn’t know how to define his relationship with Koujaku anymore.

“I don’t know what the deal between you and Aoba is but I guess I have to say this, at the very least.”

He looked up, feeling a weird skip from beneath his chest when he found himself staring into a Koujaku who was smiling – a gentle smile that he’d only seen him using on Aoba – at him.

He didn’t know how to respond to this; the loud ringing of the fact that everything he once believed might be crushed then and now vibrating loudly in his ear.

“Thank you for saving him back in the tower.”

He needed to look away to contain himself.

He didn’t know how having a friend felt like, let alone knowing how to handle one.

“It’s nothing,” he said, for a lack of better things to say.

“Well, that ‘nothing’ gave you broken bones and landed you in a hospital,” Koujaku’s laugh echoed loudly in the space.

He’d launched himself on Aoba out of impulse, believing that it was the best and right thing to do at that very moment. He regretted nothing, even if that action had given him a taste of one of the worst physical pains he could possibly feel the moment he’d regained his ability to feel pain.

He’d rather be the one to experience this than losing Aoba.

“I guess I’ve changed my impression towards you then,” Koujaku continued, finally noticing the awkwardness on Noiz’s face. “I don’t know what he saw in you but…”

He purposely let his words hanging in midair. Shifting his gaze to look at the opened window instead, he let out another small smile before he stood, taking leisure steps towards the window and gazed out of it.

Noiz followed him with his gaze. Koujaku’s hair swayed lightly with the pace of the calm breeze blowing in through the window. But nothing was more invigorating than the smile he wore on his face now. When he spoke again, Noiz almost missed him, being completely transfixed over the sight in front of him.

“… I guess, I should say this too,” he continued. Then, as his grin grew wider, he turned around, leaning against the window sill and smiled brightly at Noiz.

“Please take care of him.”

Noiz didn’t know how to define what he was feeling from within him. It was a complicated sense of emotion that even after he’d regained sensations it wasn’t something he’d experienced before.

It was a few seconds of awkward staring before he smirked, concluding that this was probably how having a friend felt like.

“That goes without saying,” he said at long last.

It was a simple answer – but it was more than enough for Koujaku. Strolling straight right up towards Noiz, he ruffled aggressively on his hair, causing Noiz to frown and brush his hand off with equally aggressiveness when Aoba and Clear came pacing into the room with clean glassed in their hands.

“Ah, you’re fighting again,” Aoba pouted with a scowl.

“It’s not what you think it is!” Koujaku immediately defended.

“Both of you need to grow up,” Aoba said, visibly ignoring what Koujaku had to say.

Noiz had no intention whatsoever to support himself _or_ Koujaku either. Staring as Aoba opened the box containing one of his favorite foods, he wiped the uneasiness off his mind, concentrating wholly on the smell while Koujaku laughed, commenting on how he was still very much a brat after all.

At this very moment, there was this very calm and blissful atmosphere spreading in the room, very similar to one that Noiz felt in the Seragaki household. It gave him a sense of relief, of belonging. Perhaps this was Aoba’s intention all along – he had, undeniably, mentioned that he’d show him the world; and perhaps, this was precisely part of the beautiful things in the world that Aoba had mentioned.

And perhaps, this was why Aoba had brought everyone along – so that they could feel belonged as well.


	14. Reality [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His reality was never one he liked.   
> He thought he was fine with it, until Aoba told him otherwise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for Noiz Week as well!   
> Happy Birthday Noiz <3

The sound of laughter was angelic to his ears; it was what surrounded him with life, and it was what made him feel alive. He thought it’d be great to be able to feel in such way for the rest of his life. Everyone who gathered around him was happy; they were giving him huge smile and congratulatory words that made him feel as if his birth was a true blessing.

When he blew the candles on his cake, they applauded for him, patting his shoulder and ruffling his hair and telling him that he’d done a great job.

At that moment of time, he wanted to believe them. No, he _believed_ them – he thought he’d been a good child to everyone and that he hadn’t disappointed everyone.

Not yet.

He thought he’d be fine if he continued what he was doing; he thought he’d be fine if he continued being himself.

And he thought he’d be able to experience those warm atmosphere again every year during his birthday. It was what pushed him through every harsh day he had to go through just to be the perfect child for his parents.

So he continued. He did what he thought was right because that was what his parents told him; that was what _everyone_ told him.

But across the years, he noticed that perhaps he’d taken the wrong step somewhere. Because he could no longer see people smiling at him; he could no longer feel the usual warmth he’d feel every time someone visited their place. And all he could feel was constant coldness, isolation, and, as much as he didn’t want to admit – disgust.

He wanted to know what went wrong and how to mend it. He wanted to talk to his parents, he wanted to ask if there was any way he could be forgiven for whatever faults he’d accidentally committed. But all he received were reprimands, more disgusted look, shouts in his ears that told him that he wasn’t _normal_ and words that made him feel as if nothing he did was right – everything was wrong, even his entire existence was wrong.

He tried fixing things by himself. If there wasn’t anyone who could help him then the best resort he had was to help himself. But everything was against his odds. Everything he did turned out worse than he could ever imagine.

And soon, he found himself completely isolated from the sound, from the warmth, and from his own family.

He still had his birthday firmly stamped in his own head. He was still praying every day, hoping that this was just a bad dream and that he would be released from this quiet four walls when he woke up the next morning.

But this wasn’t a bad dream – this was reality. And it didn’t take too long for him to snap himself awake.

It was over; his fairytale-like reality was over. He was now surrounded by darkness and silence. _This_ was his reality now.

And slowly, his birth date slipped his mind. It was not important anymore. His own existence wasn’t important anymore.

There was no meaning to birthdays anymore.

 

* * *

 

He tried to move on but it still stung him when he heard the once familiar loud laughter from outside his room door. It told him that the world around him never changed, that his existence itself wasn’t enough to make a change. And that was because he was insignificant. It didn’t matter if he existed or not because he wasn’t important enough to make an impact.

He was unneeded.

But regardless, he still found himself pressing his ear against the door, trying to listen to the sounds that was a contrast to his own reality. Perhaps he was still yearning to return to where he once belonged. But he knew that he wasn’t able to do anything about it so he merely stood, trying to at least deceive himself before he retreated, sitting against the door and buried his face in between his knees.

He didn’t know what he did wrong. But he did. And he didn’t know what else he could do to compensate for all the faults he had done.

Perhaps, being born was a mistake. That was what he’d overheard from his parents when they thought he was out of earshot.

 

* * *

 

Birthdays weren’t important, he’d concluded. Because his existence didn’t matter anyhow.

So there wasn’t any significance to a day which was meant to celebrate one’s birth.

When he left his home and arrived in Midorijima, he thought it was fine to drop dead just like that. Because no one would care anyway; his family would be delighted. But he was reminded of his brother and he thought perhaps that was the only reason he’d stay alive – for himself and his brother.

He’d lived his life filled with nothing but black and white. He thought it’d be like this for the rest of his life and he was fine with it. He wanted to be strong for himself, wanted to see where his limits would lead him. The only person he wanted to prove was to himself and he didn’t want anything to do with anyone. Because this reality he was in told him that no one wanted to have him in his life anyway so he shouldn’t bother too much about it.

He should be contented with his own black and white world. He should be satisfied with him and him alone.

He didn’t need anyone, he only needed himself.

But he was wrong.

Because _he_ told him that he couldn’t do this anymore, that he couldn’t live by himself anymore; and _he_ told him that he’d prove it to him, he’d tell him how beautiful the world is.

He’d return the color and the warmth to his reality.

 

* * *

 

“Welcome home!”

Aoba stood on the doorstep, with a huge bag in one hand as he grinned brightly at Noiz, who stood frozen, gazing at him with wide eyes.

“What have you been up to?” he asked, instantly returning the grin to his lips when he noticed how hard Aoba was struggling to break through his own awkwardness.

“Well, today is _someone_ ’s birthday so I thought of doing _something_ ,” Aoba purposely teased. Mirroring Noiz’s smirk, he stepped a foot back, hinting Noiz to go in and closed the door behind his back when both of them were in the house.

His world was once black and white; he couldn’t find any meaning whatsoever to it.

He once thought that his birth was unnecessary, that his existence was unneeded.

But what he saw in front of him proved him otherwise.

Their house was decorated with bright ornaments in every one of their corners. Present boxes piled up high on the couch, plates of food decorated the coffee table.

Everything he saw in front of him was not black, nor white.

They were different colors, colors that he once couldn’t relate to.

“Don’t stand there,” Aoba nudged him on the elbow. “Help me out with these.”

He took the huge bag out of Aoba’s hands while Aoba paced towards the living room and picked up a pale green-colored scarf.

“This is my first present to you this year,” he grinned cheekily before he wrapped the scarf around Noiz’s neck. “But definitely not the last.”

“You made this yourself?” Noiz asked, his smile wide, no longer able to contain the excitement within him. “That’s why you are on the phone more often than usual.”

“You noticed?” Aoba gaped.

“I notice everything you do,” Noiz smirked.

“Not _this_ ,” Aoba pouted.

When Noiz gave him a smile as he leaned to kiss Aoba on the cheek, the laugh he heard from Aoba reminded him of the ones he’d heard from when he was younger.

“What are these?” he asked Aoba, pointing on the big bag he was carrying with his chin.

“Oh,” Aoba gasped before he peeked into the back and took out one of the items in it – it was a candy wrapped in pink. “I’m returning your favor.”

Noiz didn’t need Aoba to remind him exactly what favor he was implying. But what ultimately warmed his insides was the fact that Aoba _remembered_.

It made him feel belonged. It made him feel important.

“Happy birthday, Noiz.”

And he couldn’t wait to put the bag of presents down just so he could wrap Aoba into a hug and give him a kiss, a response that he knew would never be enough to express how much Aoba made him feel as alive and as loved as he felt now. And he knew no matter how much he was to do, there was no way he could express how appreciative he was towards Aoba – who’d literally, given him a meaning to his existence.


	15. Obscured [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you had never known my face, would you still be able to love me?
> 
>  **Prompt** : Canon + Find-their-kiss-in-the-darkness kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the time of the year again for me to update this series. Noiz birthday is soooooon and this year is my third year writing for him. Oh wow, just looks at how time flies. But anyway, this year, I decided to do something different and made a list of prompts that you could prompt me from _your_ birthdays. Yup, you heard it right! I'll be writing for the rest f the month (because it's birthMONTH not birthDAY right? Heh.) so feel free to send to requests [here](http://shinocchidesu.tumblr.com/post/145390179097/erogaki-birthday-prompts-request-open) if you want! :D
> 
> Okay then, let the birthday spam begins woohoo!

The palm on his abdomen was warm, sipping bit by bit against his skin, drenching the inch of it with inexplicable sensation that he’d never experienced in his life. Aoba’s hand wasn’t small, yet wasn’t too huge when it was placed on his skin; it gave him a sense of complicated emotions that he couldn’t define it himself. He loved it. Perhaps it wasn’t the fact that he was finally able to feel that was allowing him to feel this way – perhaps it was the fact that he was finally able to feel _Aoba_ that had triggered the sleeping emotions within him.

It was because it was _Aoba_ that he came to feel this way; he was sure of it.

Ever since then, he was addicted to his touch. He felt everything – the warmth of the sun, the coldness on his palm when he touched the rail along the streets, and also the slight twinge of pain on his skin when he hit the sharp tips of nails against the fence; those were all new sensations he’d never gotten the chance to feel and yet, he was feeling everything all at the same time and they were overwhelming him. But nothing was more overpowering than when Aoba lifted a perky smile at him, waved at him, then walked towards him and ruffled his hair, his hand pressed against his face when that very smile became gentler, his voice became less teasing and when he pulled himself towards him and kissed him softly on the lips, he could feel Aoba hitching a breath, resisting, just a bit, then leaning into the kiss, submitting.

He’d come to memorize every one of Aoba’s reaction, he’d come to know them like the back of his hands. But yet, he loved it when Aoba would show him something so different he took a step back, reanalyzing him in his head then conjuring a new comeback that had Aoba throwing another retort in his direction.

It was like a competition – a competition that was what started their acquaintance; and they knew that they’d compete with each other, for various reasons, just like this, for the rest of their life.

When he walked into the apartment he was so used to before, he sighed at the sight – empty, vacant, too much space, but above all, too quiet. He felt as if he could hear Aoba’s voice in his ears, he thought he heard a pair of footsteps vibrating around the space when he walked around the room.

He came to stand at the window, stared with unwavering gaze as the fiery red orb sank slowly beneath the horizon, dyeing the sky with its first gradient of orange, then red, then dark blue, until all that was left of the sunset was a chalky mauve that melted away as stygian darkness took over the sky. Platinum Jail was located not far away from where he stayed, but his gaze lingered at a different distance, in a direction where he was once so very obsessed with.

Everything he felt about Aoba was beyond physical; he’d never experienced anything like this before and it was barely believable for someone to be able to make him feel this way. He thought he was emotionless, but Aoba made him feel human, and that alone was a great reassurance of its own.

“P! P! Noiz! Noiz!”

His AllMate loud, squeaky voice broke the silence in the room. Raising an impassive sideway gaze, he stared, waiting.

“There’s a message from Aoba! Open?”

Speaking of the devil… A small curve lifted on the corner of his lips. Turning around and facing his back against the window, he opened his palm, allowing his AllMate to settle on it as a hologram screen spread out of the top of its head.

“ _Coming over soon. Dinner?_ ”

His smile only spread wider. Aoba held absolutely no obligation towards him. They never promised each other anything but vague vows that each of them might have interpreted differently. But at this moment, he really wanted to believe that what Aoba thought was what he thought so he conjured a quick reply – one that sounded of nothing but impatience.

“ _Come over first_.”

Who cares about dinner? he thought. All that concerned him was Aoba’s presence and he wanted nothing but to have him around him now that he finally understood what _real_ loneliness felt like.

Aoba didn’t reply him anything much after that; instead, he sent him a picture of him holding what seemed like a packet full of food with Ren throttling beside him. His smile was too dazzling, distracting Noiz for a good whole second before he coughed an awkward tone and looked away. Aoba always had his own way to mess his composure up. He already knew what these emotions he felt within him were but he had no intention to stop them. He never knew longing for a person could feel so… excruciating.

Realizing that the only thing he could do now was to wait, he sat on the couch, fiddling with the sturdy cube of his AllMate, until a soft knock was heard on the door that he lifted an interested eyebrow.

He walked towards the door, finding Aoba grinning a wide curve at him then raising the packet that he’d seen in the picture at him.

“Heibon Delivery Service!” he exclaimed, his garish voice illuminating a warm radiance all over the room. “Thank you for your continuous patronage!”

Noiz smirked. “Heibon Delivery Service? More like, Aoba Personal Delivery Service.”

Aoba’s beam turned into a pout in a swift second as he pushed himself into the room, eyes brightening at the darkness of it.

“Hey, what have you been doing?” he asked, looking around. “It’s so dark, why didn’t you switch on the lights?” Then, he searched around, attempting to find the switch when Noiz grasped his wrist, stopping him from moving away from where he was standing.

“Noiz?”

For the first time in his life, he found his mind blank, not knowing what to say, his body seemed to have acted on his behalf. And for a long time, he could only fix his eyes on Aoba, the bright gradient of his lime-green eyes reflected in Aoba’s soft gradient of light-brown.

“Are you okay?” A ruffle on his hair, the gentle tone of his voice, the _warmth_ of his breath. Before he knew it, both of his hands were on Aoba’s wrists, pinning them against the wall, by both sides of his head as he lurched forward, trapping Aoba beneath his hands.

Aoba seemed surprised, but only just momentarily; the shock on his face turning into a tender grin when Noiz leaned in, pecking him softly on the cheeks then proceeding to kiss him passionately on the lips.

Maybe Aoba understood him more than himself. Maybe Aoba saw something within him that he’d never considered before. Maybe that was why Aoba would fall for someone like him whom he deemed deserved no love.

The room had sunk into complete darkness by now, their hot breathing mingling in the vacant space. Being robbed off his sight, all Noiz could do now was to feel Aoba with senses that wasn’t his vision. He smelled in the good scent of Aoba’s hair when he rubbed his nose against the side of his neck. His hands left Aoba’s, he cupped his face, feeling heat gradually gathered on his cheeks, feeling his physiological tears accumulating at the corner of his eyes. He could hear all of Aoba’s soft chuckles, how he’d rang that angelic voice when Noiz did as much as sucking on the sensitive spot of his neck. He couldn’t see what expression Aoba was wearing now but the visual stimulation in his head was more than enough to push every one of his limits, urging him to give Aoba another deep kiss that was meant to snatch all his breath away.

How much does he love this man? he wondered. And how much more could he love this man? Is there a limit to be able to feel in such way? Would he be able to keep feeling like this for the rest of his life?

He had no answers to any of the questions flooding his mind; his senses were distracted, the lack of vision a fatal seduction of its own and all he wanted now was to indulge himself in this very man right in his arms, feeling him when he could, his yearning knew no limits, as if a terrible fire was ignited within him and burning him alive from the inside.

“N-Noiz…” Aoba called out, once again, distracting his senses. He could hear heat evident in Aoba’s tone. When he looked up, he caught sight of Aoba’s misty eyes, wetness twinkled vaguely in the midst of darkness and he couldn’t help but pull himself towards him and kissed his eyelid, drunk in every ounce of Aoba he could feel.

He’d never gotten enough of Aoba ever since he first felt him in such a fervid way. His warmth was addictive, his voice, every inch of his reaction was addictive.

And if he could, he’d love to keep hugging Aoba like this, and have Aoba to return his embrace, whispering sweet nothings into his ear while he ruffled him on his hair – telling him that he’s not alone, and he would never be alone, ever again.

 


	16. Confined [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The room was everything he had; once.  
> It was where he spent the most of his life -- and it was also where he learned the toughest lesson in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a birthday gift written for [Maxus](http://maxusfox23.tumblr.com)! I'm so sorry I took so long to write this but here it is -- at last! :')
> 
> This is undoubtedly one of my personal favourites and I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Happy birthday, both you and Noiz (haha!) and thank you for all the support you've given me all this while <3

What can he do to get along with everyone else?

Why can’t he feel pain?

Two of the more frequent questions that he’d come to ask himself – and he’d never gotten the answers when he needed them the most. He’d grown out of it, moved on, hoping that the change of mind-set was the answer for everything he needed.

If he lived by himself, then he wouldn’t need to depend on anyone else. No one would be sad if he was to die, because no one held any attachment to him.

It’s for the best.

 

He remembered opening his eyes to a dark surrounding; he used to wake up wishing for the sun. The darkness worried him, his imagination supplied nothing but ferocious beasts lurking beyond his range of vision. It drained hope out of him, squeezing his life and drowning all of his remaining happy memories into nothing, turning them into lost hopes. The door no longer opened, bright light no longer poured from the hallway. He was trapped in four concrete walls, perfect with a private toilet, kitchen, bed – his own castle. Outside this room was his family, laughter, the sun, anything, anyone that wasn’t attached to him. There was nothing to mark time. Would he be released if he cried enough? Screamed enough? Or would being quiet an indication of obedience?

He was too young to understand what was happening, why it happened; all that he could feel was endless fear and loneliness. He spent long hours looking out of the window, moonlight smearing the dark room with vague brightness, none of it mirroring what he felt from within.

When he heard a sound from the door, he would turn reflexively, expecting his parents, or his brother, to bring him out. But all that he’d get would either be his private tutor, or the main pushing food through the small hole under the door.

On happier times, he’d find his brother knocking cautiously on the door, calling him, clearly afraid of being found out. Even before he was confined, his parents had forbid his brother to visit him, putting a safe distance between them. But whenever the chance permitted him, he’d find his brother sneaking towards him, pulling on the sleeve of his shirt, staring at him with bright smile on his face as he called him ‘Brother’. He could never hate his brother, not even jealousy, despite his brother being the one child his parents always wanted. Those were fleeting moments of ‘hope’ he’d come to experience before they were taken away from him and pushing him into the pit of abyss again.

He didn’t have a lot of great memories with his room. It was all him; only him – his castle. But the only memory that he’d always keep close to his heart, one that would still lift an effortless small smile on his face whenever he thought about it – was how Theo would sit outside of his closed door, speaking to him, whispering, and chuckling at his own jokes while Noiz kept quiet, feeling a bit more like he belonged in a family that was supposed to be his.

 

He woke up sweating from head to toe, his long-forgotten past intruding its way into his dream while he slept. He blinked a few times, catching sight of the gentle moonlight pouring into the room through transparent covers, reminding him of the nights when he used to bathe himself in this sort of solitary when he was small, when he was unwanted and the soft moonlight was his only companion.

He sat up, shaking his head vigorously, attempting to sweep the unpleasant feeling of solitude out of his skin. He’d gone past that phase; it was his past. And it should remain as his past.

But the image of his room was still vivid in his head whenever he closed his eyes, something he couldn’t help. He’d been stuck in that small space for the most of his life, after all.

It gave him a momentary feeling of unfamiliarity, as if he’d been transferred back in time, causing him to click his tongue.

Opening a bleary pair of eyes, he looked around, searching for any sort of distraction to pull him away from this abrupt discomfort. His room was uncomfortably huge; the floor was polished concrete, the walls white and the furniture a tad too high-end for his personal taste. The design possessed shadows of his castle and he frowned at how his root influenced him in such a fatal way. The only difference was – there were no toys accumulated in one corner, his bed was no longer too small for him, there was no private kitchen, only a private bathroom.

No longer able to sustain the disgusting feeling of remembrance, he pulled himself out of bed and walked out of the room, yearning for some fresh air.

His legs knew where to bring him. Just seconds later, he was standing outside of Aoba’s room, where he hesitated for a mere few moments then knocking a few wary knuckles against the door. He wasn’t expecting any responses. Aoba should be asleep at this hour and he shouldn’t be awake either. He just felt appropriate to at least ask Aoba for his permission before intruding his privacy.

Even the knocks sounded way too familiar to ignite more memories from within him.

“Noiz?”

He almost jumped when he heard Aoba’s voice from behind him. He was way too indulged in his own thoughts to notice the creaking footsteps, despite the too-quiet surrounding.

“What’s wrong?”

Aoba stood right behind him, clearly just came out from the bathroom, one knuckle rubbing a sleepy eye, bed hair standing on all ends.

“Don’t tell me…” Aoba didn’t seem like he was fully awake either. Blinking tiredly, he lifted a feeble smile, ruffling Noiz on the hair as he did. “Want to sleep with me tonight?”

He didn’t expect things to move into this direction but then he had to remind himself that Aoba always had the best way to comfort him.

He always did.

 

The next morning, he found himself waking up earlier than usual. He clung onto Aoba, who was still asleep, for a full fifteen minutes just to indulge himself in his boyfriend’s scent, before he made sluggish steps out of the room.

Everything from the previous night felt like a dream. Perhaps it was _really_ a dream, and he’d just wandered into Aoba’s room halfway through sleep.

Feeling just a tad refreshed after a full splash of cold water all over his body, he swung a towel over his neck, droplets of water dripping along his cheek to his chin, trailing wet marks on his body as he walked languidly into his own room.

He stopped at the doorway, the peculiar sense of nostalgia hitting him out of nowhere.

Too big, too empty, too…

He scowled, quickly diverting his attention to his wardrobe and started fumbling for his working attire. The past should remain in the past, he reminded himself the countless time. It’s no longer the same now. He had long passed the rebellious phase, long passed days when the walls were his only listeners. And more importantly, he had Aoba by his side now, who served as the biggest pillar of support for him to pick himself up.

He dressed himself up in silent, in front of the mirror, trying to ignore the wide space from behind him as he tugged on his tie. One look in the mirror told him that he was no longer who he used to be – the immature brat who thought that escaping was the answer for everything; the insecure brat who thought that the world was meant for him to live alone. He yearned for connection, yet he was afraid of it. He didn’t want to be attached to another person, yet he wanted to. He was a bunch of contradictions and he was certain that it was all because of the fact that he’d been in denial stage for so long that had contributed to it.

Aoba was the person who’d crushed his walls. With Scrap, he slapped the truth into his face, denying all his denials, bringing him back into a reality he well deserved.

He took one last glance at his room, took another deep breath, and walked out of it, pushing whatever reservations left in his mind aside.

 

“P! P! Aoba’s calling! Aoba’s calling!”

He was halfway through work when Midori hopped animatedly onto his working dsek, its high-pitched voice resounding with great excitement, breaking the silence in Noiz’s overly massive office room.

“Connect me,” Noiz said without a second thought.

“Hello?” Aoba’s voice echoed from across the call, breaking off every once a while. “Busy?”

“Always have time for you,” Noiz said, pushing his pile of document to one side and focusing on the hologram screen where Aoba’s face was presented instead.

“Oh, okay.” He could _see_ Aoba’s thin flush on the cheeks even when they were a few buildings apart. There were barely any background noises from where Aoba called from, so Noiz assumed that he must be at home. Alone. “I just got a call from Theo.”

Theo? he thought. They were literally working in the same building, what’s so secretive that he couldn’t tell Noiz straight up?

“He’s asking if we want to hang out together tomorrow.”

He knew what Aoba was implying, even when he was speaking in hints.

“But I thought… perhaps we could visit your parents’ house too.”

“Huh?” Noiz hummed.

“Ah, no, I mean,” Aoba quickly responded. “It’s your first celebration since you returned, right? I thought it’d be proper courtesy to drop by. At least for a hi… or something.”

Aoba had his own plans; even now when he was speaking to Noiz, he was clearly plotting something in his head. He always had his eyes on details a big-picture-person won’t see, something Noiz hadn’t been able to define if it was a curse or a blessing.

“I don’t mind.” Truth be told, he wasn’t very fond of returning to his parents’ house if there weren’t any concrete reasons for him to do so. But Aoba had his point. If he was serious about fixing things between them, then this was a courteous step he should take.

He’d take it as a blessing for this time round.

“Alright, I’ll tell Theo then,” Aoba sounded brighter, telling Noiz just enough of how much he’d been hesitating to propose this idea to him.

He shouldn’t allow Aoba to feel this way.

“I’ll tell Theo,” he said, responded with a momentary silence.

“Huh?”

“I’ll be meeting him later anyway. I guess what’s more urgent for you now is to think of what to prepare for tomorrow.”

The last of his sentence resounded of mild tease and he was sure that Aoba captured that implication because then he was hastily hanging the call up after telling Noiz not to underestimate him.

Now that’s one settled. Leaning back against his chair, he closed his eyes, letting his pulse to soothe his nerves down before he sat up, picked the documents from the table and strode towards the door.

 

“I… didn’t expect you to talk to me directly.”

Theo scratched the back of his head, his gaze awkward as Noiz lifted his cup of macchiato to his lips.

“I wanted to surprise you,” he continued while his brother sipped.

“You sure did,” Noiz said, sounding unintentionally sarcastic. “Aoba is the worst when it comes to keeping secrets.”

“I can tell,” Theo let out a bitter chuckle. “But are you really fine with going home tomorrow?”

‘Going home’. Noiz fell silent. The image of his nightmare from yesterday still left shadows in the corner of his mind. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to revisit that very scene so soon again but that shouldn’t be an excuse to move on, to do things that both he and Aoba deemed to be the most appropriate at this moment of time.

“Fine,” he said at long last, drawing a relieved breath out of his brother. “It’s necessary after all.”

Theo scrutinized him for a good few moments before he smiled with a nod.

“I’ll let them know then.”

 

The night before they had gone back to Noiz’s parents house, they spent intimate moments under the sheets, Aoba being the first person to wish him while they submerged in their afterglow, just to be engulfed into yet another round of feverish activity that almost had Noiz waking up late for work in the next day.

Birthdays had never been special to him. He once cursed his existence, feeling as if he was a mistake and wondering what the purpose of his birth if he was unwanted in the first place.

He took a half-day off that day, bringing home baskets of presents just to find Aoba struggling with his own tie in the bathroom. Well, if he wasn’t born, if he didn’t exist, then perhaps he’d never get to witness this very adorable sight right in front of him now. The idea of Aoba potentially ending up with someone else if he wasn’t the one who’d been attracted to punched a wave of displeased nerves in his chest.

“Done?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe with crossed arms, amusement written all over his smug face.

“Almost,” Aoba muttered, focus on his tie as he struggled with the final knots. Noiz had asked if he needed help, but was soon rejected agitatedly by Aoba’s sharp, penetrating gaze. He then retreated to tidy up the loose strands of Aoba’s high ponytail, swallowing down the urge to press his lips against Aoba’s exposed nape of neck before he left Aoba alone to finish up the rest of his attire.

“Are we late?” Aoba asked, taking a final look at himself in the mirror.

Noiz checked the time on his Coil.

“Right on time.”

“Phew,” Aoba sighted. Finally satisfied with how he looked, he turned around, grinned perkily at Noiz, then slug and arm around his boyfriend’s.

“Let’s go then.”

The limousine was already waiting for them outside their apartment when they walked out of it; the sleekness alongside the too-luxurious design – interior and exterior – of that very limousine was still something Aoba hadn’t gotten used to, ever since his first encounter with it. He gulped down hard as he kept his gaze out of the window, his hand shivered just a bit when Noiz did as much as caressing the back of it.

He was visibly nervous, even though he was the one who’d suggested this trip. But the moment they arrive at the mansion, he pulled up his brightest smile, greeted both of Noiz’s parents as humbly and as elegant as he could before they were escorted into the dining room.

How long has it been since he sat here, on the dining table, celebrating his birthday with his family like this? His last memory was of colourful confetti, of garish laughter, and of showers of ‘Happy Birthday’s. It felt like a faraway memory, almost surreal, almost not his.

_This_ reality, however, felt realer than the one he remembered. They ate dinner in respectful silence; Aoba only answering to questions when he was asked, Noiz only made the necessary speech when needed. It wasn’t too much of a discomfort compared to the previous times they shared the table together, even though he was certain that it was mostly contributed to Theo’s enthusiastic conversation openers that had made the atmosphere less rigid than it already was.

It wasn’t as bad as he thought it’d be, and he even dared to comment that both he and Aoba had become much more comfortable in the presence of his family—

\-- which was what Aoba ultimately aimed for this dinner meeting anyway.

Stitching the gap between their broken relationship required a huge length of time; but above all, initiatives were also part of the active effort they needed to carry out alongside the passive flow of time.

Once they were done with dinner, Noiz’s parents were quick to retreat, leaving Noiz and Aoba in their butler and maids’ care after Noiz’s father gave him a hasty pat on his shoulder, then a hastier ‘Happy Birthday’ that Noiz thought he’d hallucinated it. The servants of the house were about to attend to them when Noiz waved a hand, signalling their departure.

“I think we deserve some privacy now,” he smirked, responding to Aoba’s pout.

“I think we _already_ have a lot of privacy at home, you know?”

“So what do you want to do now?” Noiz asked. “Make a move? For privacy _at home_?”

Aoba smacked him lightly on the arm, then supporting his chin with his hand, a gesture that had Noiz perking a curious eyebrow.

“What is it?” he asked, slight impatience in his tone.

“I’ve been wondering what kind of birthday you had gone through when you still resided in this place,” Aoba started, carefully choosing his words. “Was it grand? Lots of guests?”

He was sure it was definitely more than the number of people they had with them here today. Noiz looked away. This wasn’t the best time for him to be remembering things from his past but he understood where Aoba came from – he’s always been curious and he’d always been trying to understand more of Noiz. There wasn’t any sort of unspoken taboo between them and he wanted to understand Aoba too, that’s how he sort of come to understand how _Aoba_ wanted to understand him.

“It was hefty,” Noiz agreed, closing his eyes, indulged in reminiscence. “A lot of congratulatory words.” Those many ‘Happy Birthday, Wilhelm!” that he knew was done out of fake courtesy, of complying to high-end societal rules. “A lot of presents.” Most of them taken away from him before could even take a peek of what was inside those humongous boxes. “Warm, lots of lights.”

Aoba gripped his hand, gently, warmly. Tender smile graced his features as he listened patiently to every one of Noiz’s descriptions.

“But those were before I was confined.” He didn’t know if Aoba would even want to hear about what he’d gone through when his childhood was snatched away from him but he spoke nevertheless, the vivid memory from the past that had been haunting him since forever reviving itself, forcing its way out, seeking for refuge.

“When I was locked in the room, I never knew what date it as, never knew the time either. No warmth, no laughter, only silence. The only time I actually got to know about my birthday was when Theo knocked on the door. He used to slip small pieces of cake through the small closing underneath the door. Now that I think about it, he might have made them himself, it’s no wonder they looked hideous.”

But the “Happy Birthday, Brother!” note that came together with the cake sounded more genuine than any other ‘Happy Birthday!’ he’d heard. He chuckled at the thought. Aoba seemed to have noticed that he’d reignited a memory Noiz might not want to collect. Before Noiz could finish speaking, he stood up, pulling Noiz up by the arm and led both of them towards the door.

“Leaving?”

“How about you show it to me?” Aoba asked instead. There was no tease in his voice, just a flat tone Noiz wasn’t used to hear. The curiosity on his face must have given him off because then Aoba stopped and turned to look at him, still smiling, still concerned, before he said,

“This… room you’re talking about,” he trailed off bit by bit. “The room that holds most of your memory – the room that had closed away most of your childhood. I’d like to see it.”

Why would Aoba want to see that place, though? Besides, he’d never set foot into that room since he returned; he wasn’t even sure if it still existed.

But he nodded nevertheless, completely succumbed to Aoba’s determined stare, and walked both of them along the corridor, tracing the path where his memory served him right.

The corridor was carpeted, smelling of nothing but the age of wealth. The air smelled of expensive wood and paint, the walls edged with similarly expensive rugged materials. It gave Aoba an impression as if he’d just stepped into an ancient castle from the 90s, and with Noiz walking by his side, he felt even more out of place with every new step they took. They took no stairs, merely walking in a straight line, hand-in-hand, maids bowing at them as they passed but all they conjured were thin smiles with various thoughts distracting their minds.

Then, at long last, they came to the end of the corridor, in a corner that was obviously long abandoned as they stood in front of a door.

The door was scratched and dented with chipped brown varnish, a sight that was a complete contrast to everything else they’d witnessed on the way here. A brass safety chain dangled at the side of the door, a small hole visible underneath the door.

It was worse than what Aoba had imagined; he’d never expect to see something that felt even more out of place in this house than himself.

Noiz grasped the door knob, his grip thoughtful and hesitant. When he turned it open, the door made a creaking sound and Aoba heard him releasing a soft sigh, a breath he must have kept within his chest for the entire time.

“Welcome to my castle.” He managed to lift a smirk at Aoba, albeit it looking a lot weaker than the one Aoba was used to.

He thought he’d entered a room he’d only see in movies – the place was clearly unattended for a long time; dust accumulated on every surface, pillow and sheet placed neatly on the bed, untouched. In one corner of the room was a few plush toys, another corner occupied by a small writing desk accompanied by a smaller chair. There was a private kitchen in one end of the room, with a private toilet right beside it. As Aoba walked into the room, the floor creaked, causing him to stop instantly, afraid that he might spoil where he stood.

“This has been… where you lived…?”

He didn’t need Noiz’s answer; he was probably speaking to himself, to let the reality sink into him. Noiz walked towards the window, gazing out of it, at the ground, then at the sky, before he returned to look at Aoba, who was looking around the place with a mixed of confusion and disturbance plastered on his face.

“This was everything I had,” Noiz said, realizing how stiff the air between them had become. He never wanted to revisit this place; he could still see shadows of his younger self hugging one of the rabbit plushies when he was upset, curling on the floor, in the corner, his quiet sobbing resounding loudly in his ears. He could still see his small shadow slamming small hands against the door, screaming, crying, asking for forgiveness.

He could see every one of his shadows in every corner of his room – where he would sit and study like an obedient child, where he would lay sideways on the bed, expression blank, wondering what had gone wrong. He could still hear voices from the past, the small ‘Why…’ that he’d been asking himself for the countless times, without anyone to give him an answer.

Everything was coming back to him, as vivid as if it was a yesterday’s memory. He thought he’d left all of them behind, but they lived, in a corner of his brain, jumping out as a reminder when he least expected it.

He paced instinctively towards Aoba, wanting to feel his presence, to know that Aoba was _real_ and that he was the _now_ he was living in – and wanting to know that he was no longer alone like how he was before.

“This is…” Aoba was lost for words. He merely glanced around, as if trying to take in every single detail his naked eyes could see. “I…”

“It’s fine,” Noiz said instead, intertwining his fingers with Aoba’s. “It’s the past.”

Aoba traced his finger along the scratch marks on the door; he must have his own thoughts, his own imagination to how these marks made their way there. Noiz didn’t need to tell him more, he’d seen everything when he Scrapped him.

But to be _physically_ here… He couldn’t gauge how Aoba would feel.

“Was it painful?” Aoba asked in a whisper, as if afraid that he’d disturb something if he spoke any louder. “To know that you have been abandoned by your own family?”

Noiz felt his heart sink. He took a deep breath, then answered,

“It was,” he admitted. “I once asked myself why do I have to be treated like this when we’re family.”

Aoba kept quiet, listening to every word Noiz had to say.

“But I realized if it can’t be helped, then there’s no use struggling over it.”

In his mild surprise, Aoba started _chuckling_. He turned around, pulling a wide grin at Noiz as he cupped his face.

“I had the same thought when my parents left me although, well, they didn’t do it as cruel as how yours did.”

Noiz returned his chuckle. Aoba had told him about how he could see himself in Noiz, but Noiz hadn’t been able the concept very well, even though he thought he’d known Aoba well enough. What exactly did he see in Noiz? Was that the determining factor to why he’d come to love him as well?

“But more importantly, both of us had gone past that phase very strongly and very elegantly, haven’t we?” Aoba beamed. “This looks very painful,” he said as he brought his hand down to caress Noiz’s fingers. “And those,” he pointed his chin at the plush toys in a corner. “must be the only friends you had. They must have known a lot of your secrets.”

“If you could count Theo,” Noiz countered, only to be responded by a shake of head.

“Theo is family, he’s different,” Aoba said with a teasing smirk.

Theo was perhaps the only person who’d regarded him as family, like Noiz did.

“I can’t imagine how miserable it was for you to go through all these. How lonely you felt when you only had yourself to speak to? And how it felt to be denied by not only the world, but your own family as well? But Noiz,” he paused, tiptoeing to kiss Noiz on the tip of his nose. “after seeing all of these I can only be more certain of how proud I am of you. You didn’t choose to give up when you had all the reasons to. You choose to _survive_. And just…” He ended by hugging Noiz, patting him on the back of his head.”… thank you for choosing to live.”

Noiz’s eyes were fixed on the door when he returned Aoba’s embrace; he could see, clear as yesterday, his own shadow crying at the door, screaming. He could see how he’d stuck himself against the door for the longest time, hoping for someone to come for him, to set him free, to forgive him for being abnormal, for not being the person everyone wanted to see.

He was in a deep powerless, hopeless abyss; a place as dull as his sensations.

But now, he was holding that very hope he was yearning for in his arms. He could feel everything of Aoba loud and clear. His skin, his breath, the silky sensation of his hair when Noiz combed his fingers through the strands.

Perhaps there was a reason why he’d chosen to live and to _try again_ , to give life another chance when, like what Aoba had said, he had all the reasons to give up at that time. Perhaps, despite not understanding a lot of things at that time, including himself, he’d come to stay strong for himself because _something_ in him – his hunch, his pride, maybe something that never had a name – was telling him to try a bit more, to keep going, to _not give up_.

And if he was given a chance, he’d approach his crying past self, squat in front of him, pat him on the head, give him a smile. And when he looked up at him, with red, teary eyes, he’d tell him this:

 

“ _`You have done well. You’re a strong, good boy.`_ ”

 

He was sure that would be what Aoba would tell him as well, regardless if he was to meet _his_ past self, or now.

This room contained unpleasant memories he never wanted to revisit. But this room was also a reminder of how he’d survived through the toughest time of his life, and that nothing would get into his way again, especially not when he had Aoba by his side now.

Even if he was to be confined in this very room again, he knew that he’d do just as fine, or maybe better. Because he was no longer alone, and never would be alone again.


	17. Hello Again [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’d met each other way before, even though they never knew it themselves.

Oftentimes, he’d dream of a scene – In a place which he knew nothing of the name, he walked, small footsteps being the only thing he could hear as he ambled through streets after streets. He’d never seen such place before in his entire life. It had buildings very much different from the ones he was used to seeing; people around him wore faces he never knew of. But, eventually, he’d always come to a stop in front of a house – one that was way smaller than the one he was living in now. He’d walk up to the door, open it, as if it was his own house, and from the inside of the house, he’d hear a high-pitched shriek, accompanied right away by chuckles then a boy, his blue, wavy hair being the only thing he’d ever come to remember clearly. **  
**

The boy in his dream used to talk to him in phrases and sentences he couldn’t make sense of. The boy in his dream would always smile at him, in a way no one ever did. He never knew the name of the boy in his dream. All he knew was that whenever he was in the same dream, he’d meet him as if it was the most natural thing ever. It’s as if he was being drawn to the very existence of the boy, like they were meant to meet in the dream and nowhere else.

The dream was his comfort zone; an ironic realization that had him wonder if his life had gone out of control if he was to rely on something so intangible like this to keep himself sane.

His childhood wasn’t something he was fond of, anyway. While children made friends and played with each other, he was left to stare in one corner; he was disallowed to have any sort of contact with anyone at all – he was a _monster_ , and a _monster_ should be tamed and he should stay out of the way so that he wouldn’t harm anyone else.

> _“Let’s play together again!”_

Everything the boy in his dream said to him did things to him. It’s like he was in his dream simply because he needed to hear those words; words that he didn’t know he needed them himself. It’s pathetic, having to rely on something as superficial as a dream but he couldn’t help it. If there’s one thing he could use to support his crumbling sanity, then he’d hold onto it. If there’s one thing that could serve as a reminder to him, telling him that he’s human and that he deserved to live, then he’d depend on it.

Realizing the difference he possessed had given him a sort of mixed feelings; he couldn’t help how and what he was, but he was never ever embarrassed by it. He couldn’t feel pain, that’s all. He’s not deformed, he did not any any other disabilities. And if that’s what he had to deal with for the rest of his life, then so be it. There’s no point dwelling over something that he couldn’t change. Eventually, he left his heart behind, leaving it only when he wandered into the dream again, only when he met the blue-haired boy. Sometimes, he felt as if the boy held his heart; he felt as if the boy was the only reason why he still felt himself as being human.

And it’s fine. If he could only be human in the dream – then so be it.

And when he decided to get himself out of the slump that was nothing but a distorted reality for him, he brought himself to where distorted reality was made into reality. Rhyme gave him what he needed, so he chased after it, no longer bothered if reality was reality or if it was something else. For someone who couldn’t feel pain like him, it didn’t matter anyhow.

Then, when he set foot in Midorijima, the true reason of why he decided on this very place finally dawned upon him – the streets, the building, the whole vibe of the place; everything resounded of nothing but the very same image he’d gotten in his dream. It was surreal.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes, trying to remember where his dream had left for him, trying to remember the scent of the air, the buzzing of noise in his ears, the breeze wrapping him in a firm comfort shell that he knew no one could break. With every new step he took, he heard more sounds, then a voice, a distant voice that he was familiar yet unfamilIar with.

> _“I’ll be your friend!”_

He stopped in front of a house; a normal house that was nothing outstanding, nothing that looked like the building from where he was from. Yet, the longer he stared at it, the stronger the sense of nostalgia stemmed within him – the feeling of warmth, of family; everything had come together, every piece of it reminded him vividly of the promise he’d made with someone: someone who was residing in this very place.

> _“You can come anytime you want!”_

_What’s your name?_ he remembered asking in his heart, causing him to close his eyes again, trying hard to remember what the boy had said back then.

_“Hm? My name is Ao–”_

* * *

There was a boy in his dream. Every time he was in the same dream, he’d always see the same boy, standing outside of his door, just staring, as if he had something he wanted to say. His grandmother had told him not to deal with strangers and he knew how dangerous they could be. But for some reason, the boy never felt like a stranger to him. When he looked into his pair of lime-green eyes, it’s as if he was seeing himself in him. Loneliness; the feeling of being abandoned. And, before he knew it, he had walked towards the boy, smiling as he held his tiny hands in his.

He wanted to talk to him, even though he knew nothing of what he should be talking about. Yet, he tried. He talked as much as he could, despite the lack of response. He shared everything he had with the boy, his heart did a weird flip every time the boy showed just any sign of response. When he touched the fine strands of the boy’s hair, it’s like he was touching something soft that’s not entirely tangible.

The boy never said anything. But he accepted every gesture he could give him. He’s like a secret friend he’d made in his dream; it made him look forward to sleeping and meeting him again at night.

And, before he realized it, this very dream of his had become his second home. This ‘friend’ he’d made in his dream had become the only person that would distract him away from reality, from how he was alone, how he had lost everything when he thought he’d finally found himself a safe sanctuary.

Perhaps the only reason he’s meeting this boy was to replace the void that the cruelty of reality had left in his heart. Perhaps the boy was nothing but his imagination; a person he created to comfort himself. Yet, he was fine with it. In this dream, the boy was real – he could touch him – his short, blond hair, his tiny hands – and in this dream, he could be the person he needed in real life to someone else.

But, as he grew, the frequency of him having the dream started diminishing greatly. When he went to sleep, he’d wake up seeing nothing at all. And as time passed, he started to wonder if he’d been imagining things. He could no longer tell if he was still sane, if his existence was real, if everything he was experiencing was even real life.

And then, moving into his teenage years had him forgetting about everything, discarding everything aside, laughing at his childhood confusion like a joke of the century.

He’d forgotten about the small boy with strawberry-blond hair, the boy with expressionless yet genuine pair of lime-green eyes.

He’d forgotten about the boy whom was his only friend after he’d lost everything.

But, what he never knew was – the boy never forgot. He never knew that everything that had happened in his dream wasn’t only his, but a shared experience with someone else. And he never knew that that very person, unlike him, had remembered everything, nor that he knew that he’d stood right outside of his house, pondering about everything they’d shared with each other in the dream, just before he met him.

And for all he knew, _Noiz_ was just another stranger, yet a friend he was bound to meet – this time, no longer in the dream.

 


	18. Dominance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He needs to keep the brat’s mouth shut. At least for once.
> 
> R18.

Aoba had no ways to describe himself. Others may do a better job than him; they could probably see things in him that he could never see in himself. Different people had come to describe him differently and he couldn’t tell if they were accurate representations of him or they were simply deciphering him from the outer shell that was what he presented. But. Despite how others would come to describe him, he knew that there was one absolute trait of his that would never go wrong.

His ego.

He wasn’t sure if it was a universal man thing but when it came to his pride, there’s no way that he could ever give way – not to anyone, and definitely not to Noiz. That’s perhaps why he’d felt many distinctions of frustration when it came to Noiz; the fact that Noiz had always managed to pull him into his pace, alongside the fact that he was always willingly falling into his flow was something he could never understand of himself. What exactly did Noiz possess – what power did he have – to make Aoba conform just like that? Many times, he’d find himself lifting his restraint higher, reminding himself over and over again to not let his emotions get to his brain as he scrutinized every one of Noiz’s action, putting himself in absolute control. Yet, he fell into his trap, again and again, and before he knew it, he’d always find himself utterly overwhelmed by his subconscious, waking up next to Noiz with agony swarming him from the inside, and the moment Noiz lifted his victorious smirk at him when Aoba threw his pillow at his face, he knew that Noiz did everything on purpose after all.

It was truthfully frustrating. It can’t continue. He wanted to be in control too.  
And he would, tonight – he would make sure that he’d take over the anchor to this dominance ship they were both sailing on.

First, he caught Noiz off guard with an intense kiss, a surprise attack he’d launched on Noiz the moment Noiz stepped out of the bathroom, body still slicked with droplets of water with his hair still in the midst of drying up. Noiz was clearly taken aback, Aoba could see it in his eyes, a small blossoming of triumph budded in his chest the moment he did. There were tongues, lips pressing hard against lips, hands all over each other’s bodies. They were more than familiar with each other’s bodies; Aoba had come to know the part in Noiz’s skin that could draw the best reaction out of him. And Noiz, of course, wouldn’t miss the chance to slip his hand down to where Aoba’s ribs were, just to have Aoba catching him on the wrist before he was even close to touching them.

“Ah-ah,” Aoba shook his head with a naughty smirk. “No touching until I say so.”

“Heh,” Noiz mirrored his grin. “So someone is finally out to get me, I see.”

“You’ve had your moments,” Aoba snapped. “Time to let you know how fearful I could be.”

Noiz’s smirk only lifted higher.

“I look forward to that, Big Brother.”

Aoba knew that he was provoking him on purpose. With a frown, he lurched towards Noiz and bit him hard on his lower lip, drawing blood. He licked frivolously on the trace of red, then bringing the tip of his tongue to lick on his own upper lip instead, smearing red across his own lip.

His heart did a funny leap when he saw Noiz swallowing down his throat at his mere action and, without giving Noiz a moment to rest, he kissed him again, hard and passionate, with a solid intention to suck the air out of him. He grasped onto both of Noiz’s wrists, locking them in place and gestured them towards the bed, where he gave Noiz a rough push, then towering over him, starting to take his shirt and pants off at the same time.

Noiz did nothing but stare throughout the entire time. He flashed his gaze, starting from locking eyes with Aoba then trailing a searing route down his torso, ultimately resting his eyes on his crotch.

“Do you need help with that?” he pointed his chin at Aoba’s half-hard dick, his voice hoarse. But all Aoba did was pressing a finger against his lips, leaning close enough to feel Noiz’s hot breath against his face before he said,

“You be a good boy tonight and keep quiet.”

Noiz did as he was told. Being completely quiet, all he did was giving Aoba his penetrating stare, as if memorizing every one of Aoba’s actions and having Aoba to brush his self-conscious out of the way before he reached a hand down to hold onto his own erection.

He rubbed, biting on his lower lip to refrain his voice, his chest rising up and down from the heightening intensity. He could clearly feel heat overwhelming him from the inside; he was clearly turned on, especially when Noiz was literally staring at him as he pumped on his own dick. And, not long after, his dick was rock-hard, clear liquid leaked from the tip, dripping onto the mattress before he closed his eyes to take a deep breath, trying to contain himself. 

He needed to stay composed. He needed to make Noiz come first tonight. It’s not even a matter of endurance anymore; it’s a matter of his pride and he took it very, very seriously. More than anything else.

He leaned forward to kiss Noiz again, which Noiz happily obliged, while his hands worked on rubbing against Noiz’s dick. Noiz was already hard when he touched his erection – hot, and definitely aroused. If he was to continue pumping, perhaps if he was to rub it harder and faster, he might even be able to make Noiz come just like that.

But no. This wasn’t it. Noiz had given him too much agony in sex for him to end things so easily. He was going to let Noiz taste the same sensations he’d pushed upon him.

With that thought, he brought his hand to his own dick, bringing it to press against Noiz’s, then rubbing both of them together. Noiz’s piercings felt amazingly good on him. Unconsciously, he’d pushed his sensitive spot against the metal material, finding moans almost spilling from his lips before he grasped hard onto Noiz’s shoulder to stop himself from doing exactly that.

His hand was damped with their pre-cum then, he could already see Noiz’s darkened lust in his eyes when he met his gaze again; it’s like staring at a sleeping beast, hidden beneath those striking pair of lime-green eyes, waiting to attack and devour him completely. He shook his head. He was about to be distracted again. He was about to imagine how good it’d feel to have Noiz taking over, hovering over him, touching on places that would feel the best for him. And how good it was to have Noiz thrusting into him, rubbing on his dick at the same time, giving him the multiple stimulations he very much loved. 

He was getting shivers from the mental imagination alone. He took another deep breath. Today wasn’t about him. He had a mission tonight – and he’d curse at himself if he was to fail it again.

“Are you okay?”

Noiz’s hot breath elicited a tremble from Aoba’s dick, totally reacting to his voice. He frowned and, pushing Noiz back onto the bed again, he grabbed the bottle of lube from the bedside table, spreading a handful of it onto his palm and brought his hand to his back.

“Ah…” His voice leaked out of his own control. He snapped his eyes shut, his body slick with body liquid as he pushed two fingers into him, pulling them out and pushing in again. Again and again. He was so engrossed in the sensation of fingering himself that he didn’t notice Noiz’s hand was on his dick, rubbing as he opened himself up. 

“You know… I’m not used to not doing anything.”

He could hear Noiz’s whispers, dark and lustful, but his strength was quickly losing him, he was at the brink of coming when he finally pulled himself back to reality again, slapping Noiz’s hand away at the same time as he pulled his fingers out.

“I said, no touching,” he spelled through breathy tone.

“Sure,” Noiz pulled his hand away, having both of his hands on Aoba’s waist instead. “This, at least.”

Aoba heaved a sigh. It’s not like Noiz was doing anything at all, to be honest. He probably just needed something to hold onto; and Aoba understood that feeling extremely well.

Without saying anything, he shifted to position Noiz’s dick against his wet hole, all ready to take Noiz in. And, with just one transitory exchange of gaze, he released his weight, feeling Noiz’s dick spreading him from the inside, small groans escaped his lips as he tried to get used to the sensation.

Noiz’s piercings rubbed against his inner walls, the way he loved it, the way he guided it to. He was totally in control, he was moving all by himself, while Noiz lied, simply holding onto him and watching him without moving a single inch.

“Noiz…” His name leaked from his tongue. It was good, too good; he pushed Noiz in deeper, and deeper, the skin-against-skin sound reverberating in the room, intensified by the wet sound of his slippery inside rubbing against Noiz’s dick. And soon, he was no longer in the state to control his own voice; he let his moans loose, hearing Noiz’s low groans at the same time, and feeling his own climax accumulating on tip of his own erection.

This was no good, he thought in a hazy daze. There must be something with Noiz’s body that was making him feel this way. It’s as if his body was totally succumbing to Noiz, as if all rational thoughts were discarded the moment their bodies came into contact with each other. He no longer cared when Noiz sat up, embracing the whole of his body, and resting his head against Aoba’s shoulder, where he could hear Noiz’s moans the clearest.

They were deep and arousing and everything that was a sign of Noiz letting his composure off. It was painfully seductive. He wanted to see more of Noiz in this state; he wanted Noiz to lose himself in him, in the sensations he was giving him. Stimulated by that intention, he moved faster, his waist sore from the intense motions. He clenched harder onto Noiz, controlling his own climax with huge difficulties, and biting on every inch of skin he could reach of Noiz, just so he could make Noiz come first.

He truly believed that he was still in control, that Noiz was the one losing himself first this time. He felt the sense of achievement in him. Noiz was about to come soon. He could feel it – the pulses of Noiz in him, how hard he’d become, and how his punctuated thrusts were only leading to his climax.

Yet.

“Aoba.”

His body was overwhelmed by electric shocks. He jolted, his own climax hitting him out of nowhere. Biting hard on Noiz’s shoulder to sustain his strangled moans, he felt Noiz coming in him too, just about the same time as he did.

What… was that? What just happened? Did Noiz say something? He could vaguely remember. As he came down from the high, he patted Noiz on the back of his head, still clinging onto him as he breathed heavily. 

Noiz wasn’t even in control this time but yet, Aoba felt as though he’d have Aoba in control the entire time they were making love. He didn’t need to do much. All that he needed to do was to embrace Aoba like this, to portray emotions that he had never been able to show. All that he needed to do, was to tell Aoba again and again of how much he yearned for Aoba, and how much everything Aoba was doing to him meant to him that was more than enough to overwhelm Aoba.

He laughed a dry chuckle. There’s no winning Noiz if that’s the case, then. Noiz was and would always be his weak spot. It’s no longer the matter of his pride. If his pride was the price for him to be able to see Noiz feeling as much as he could, then… he guessed it’s worth it after all.

So much for wanting to make Noiz come first. But. 

He guessed that didn’t matter anymore. And with a relieved sigh, he hugged Noiz again, slowly falling asleep, in the hands of warmth, of the aftermath of Noiz’s scattering emotions.


	19. One & Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s only one life for them and they’re going to make it right.

Happily ever after – A concept so far yet so near; an idea that’s both a distant tale and a belief to them. If they were to ask each other how far did they think they could bring their relationship to, it’d be the same as asking each other how far did they believe that they could live. No one ever knew the answer to any of their questions. They cherished the present and never thought too much about the future. Whatever happened would happen and it wasn’t their call to make. Taking things by tiny steps, they’d come to acknowledge that there’re things that were never within their control and if anything that was beyond believable was to happen, all they could do was stand firm on their grounds and confront it as they always did.

They shared no tags; they could never call themselves as friends, lovers, nor partners. They were just each other’s and they knew that from the very day they risked their life for each other – for a stranger whom they never knew enough of – that there was something beyond their own control that had attracted them to each other.

But, despite so, every ten years, they’d find themselves standing in front of each other, holding each other in their hands, with gaze fixed intensely at each other as they muttered the same ‘I do’ to each other. Ten years after ten years; they could no longer remember whose idea it was – perhaps it was both of theirs, perhaps it was a joke taken real – but all they knew was that they’d never forget to reassure each other again when the tenth year stroked.

And, before they knew it, it was the fourth time they stood in front of each other again, still smiling, eyes still twinkling with unmistakable light and heart still firmed with everything they’d promised each other – and again.

“I honestly never thought you’d take this seriously,” Aoba chuckled. Noiz’s hands were just a tad rough, just a tad bigger than his; he remembered being overly conscious over this very fact when he first noticed it, frowning at it, pouting when Noiz spelled it out loud, but now, he felt none of those. These were the very pair of hands that had supported him when he needed it, it was also the very same pair of hands which he’d held onto when Noiz almost tripped and collapsed. This very pair of hands – it was no longer as strong as before, it was covered with hints of wrinkles, of old age. It hurt to see, to feel, to acknowledge the very fact that time waited for no one and eventually, it’d be their time to bid their second farewell with each other.

“You’re underestimating me,” Noiz returned with a smile. When the corners of his lips curved, Aoba could see the wrinkles spread on the corners of his eyes. His face, once coarse, was now even more so. He wanted so much to touch it, to feel Noiz’s very skin texture on his fingers but all he could manage to do was held firmer onto Noiz’s hands, swallowing his sobs and attempting very hard to contain himself.

“It’s not like you’ve been predictable yourself,” he teased with a smirk. And he meant it. Everything Noiz said, far-fetched or not, sounded like a tease, a promise that was way too overpromising despite knowing the extent Noiz was willing to go for Aoba. Perhaps it wasn’t Noiz’s fault after all. Perhaps it was all him – he couldn’t quite believe how far he’d come with Noiz, and how far more could they walk by each other’s side. His survival was a miracle; it’s what his grandmother had been telling him. He couldn’t tell when he’d malfunction, and when would he break down. He wouldn’t know when he’d find himself not being able to wake up anymore, and he never knew when his time was up as an experiment himself. There were too many mysteries about his body that he’d never known. He felt like a time bomb – like something was bound to explode from within him one day and he’d find himself in a dream; a long, long dream.

Perhaps Noiz could see it in his eyes because then, he’d leaned forward to kiss him on his forehead, his hand leaving his, stretching backwards to twirl on the tip of his high ponytail before it came to rest on the back of his head.

“If ever, I’d be the one to go before you, so don’t worry.”

He knew it was a joke. Noiz loved saying this to him. It reminded him of the time when he never cared if he could be dead or that he never cared to stay alive. It reminded him of the Noiz when he could feel no pain, no emotions, until he broke his walls, forcing his way in and ultimately triggering the humanity back into him. It felt like a distant past; a story that once happened in their past life. It didn’t feel real.

It didn’t feel real standing here with Noiz again, about to recite their fourth recurrent vow – a reassurance they’d made for each other ever since they first signed the pact.

“Please,” he mumbled, already hearing the quiver in his own tone. “Don’t… ever think about it.”

He knew Noiz had a point, though. Enduring years of being unable to feel pain had exposed Noiz to circumstances that’re too late to be fixed. He never noticed it himself – he was perfectly normal; from the outside, at least. And It was when he finally spilled the beans about his left arm, about all the injuries in the past that could possibly have left a long-term after-effect that it dawned upon Aoba that he wasn’t the only time bomb after.

He chuckled upon that thought. Noiz had brought his lips towards him as they indulged in the peaceful solitary between them, his hand pressing hard on the back of his neck, stopping him from escaping. They took languid time engrossed in the familiar yet nostalgic scent of each other, feeling each other’s warmth, the sound of pulses, alongside the gentle breeze of happiness.

This was all they ever asked for. They never asked for immortality, they never asked to outlive the other. They only asked for now – when they could hold each other in their hands, feeling the presence of each other, reminding each other that they’re no longer alone, and lastly, reassuring each other that they would never be alone again.

“We’re similar, aren’t we?” Aoba whispered in between kisses; something he wanted to tell Noiz, something he wanted to tell himself. “We’d grown up feeling empty, with important things being taken away from us. We’d never wanted to acknowledge that we were lonely even though we really were. We’d… been trying to be strong for too long.”

Noiz hummed in agreement. If they’d never met each other, they’d never come to know about this very fact of theirs after all. If they’d never been involved with each other, they’d never know how it felt to have that very missing piece in their heart being filled by each other – a person they’d been unconsciously searching for. 

Taking a deep breath, Aoba kissed Noiz again, then brushing the tips of their noses together before he broke into a warm smile.

“C’mon, it’s time for that reassurance both of us need again.”

Noiz followed his smile. Holding his hands again, he took one of it up, kissing the back of it, before he took a deep breath himself.

Aoba waited, all the while fixing his eyes on his husband. He wore suit that was sleek and white, a view that was magnificently beautiful to his eyes. His hair was combed back, making his pair of lime-green eyes to appear all the more striking than they already were. When he smiled, it was the familiar smirk he’d always pull on Aoba, something Aoba had come to remember very painfully of him ever since they first met, even though the meaning of it could be different than before now. 

Despite the cruelty of age, nothing seemed to have changed. They’re still the same. Noiz was still the same brat he knew, he was still the same big brother Noiz knew. But above all, they’re still connected in the same way, their feelings, their emotions, every thought they held towards each other remained unchanged, perhaps even stronger.

“I take you as you are, loving you from the past, who you are now, and who you are yet to become. I promise to listen to you and learn from you, to support you and accept your support. I will celebrate your triumphs and mourn your losses as though they were my own. I will love you and have faith in your love for me, through all our years and of all life would bring us.”

Noiz paused, closing his eyes, just momentarily, before he opened them again, then continue as Aoba nodded.

“I love you unconditionally and without hesitation. I accept you as you are, and I offer myself in return. As I have given you my hand to hold, I will also give you my life to keep. And today, once again, I promise you, that I will…”

Noiz stopped, merely staring at Aoba, all the while with Aoba smiling at him. He grasped Noiz tightly in his hands, biting on his lip when he noticed the glimmer in Noiz’s eyes. Then, he tiptoed, kissing Noiz gently on the lips, before he whispered a quiet “I’m listening.”

Noiz closed his eyes again. And, with another deep breath, he continued, sounding more determined than before.

“And today, once again, I promise you, that I will cherish this life of mine, and that I’ll never let it slip before yours.”

Aoba’s smile widened at the end of Noiz’s speech. With several nods, he swallowed down his tears, waiting for Noiz to continue.

“Will you give yourself to me? Will you allow me to be by your side until the end of our life?”

The pause between them stretched then. There were many things they wanted to tell each other – things that they’d told each other before, things that they’d never told each other – but all that they could do was stare at each other in their eyes until when Aoba heaved a sigh that the silence was broken.

“I will. I take you, Noiz, as my partner, as a companion who would walk the rest of my life with me. And I promise to respect you and cherish you as an individual, an equal, knowing that we are not complete, but complement each other. I promise you to take you for who you are, and in return, believe that you will take me for who I am.”

With that, Aoba kissed Noiz; no longer the light pecks they’d given each other but deep, passionate kisses that was meant to intoxicate each other. In return, Noiz embraced Aoba in his arms, hugging his small body, bearing urge to protect so intense it was hard to breathe.

He wondered if life would ever be different if they’d never met each other? Perhaps he would’ve died by the roadside, like he always thought he would. Perhaps he’d never be able to feel emotions so intense like this, despite not being able to in the first place.

Aoba was the person who’d brought wonders into his world. Aoba was the person who’d exposed him to the impossibilities. And above all, Aoba was the person who’d told him that he’s human, that he’s different yet indifferent, and Aoba was the person who’d given him a reason to be alive, despite his very own condition.

He never asked for a long life, he never asked to live a peaceful life. All he’d ever asked for – was to be able to hold Aoba like this, for as long as he could, as long as life permitted them.


	20. History Repeats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They’re going through it again, but they’ll do it better this time. Because they’re now family – and this is what being family means.

They’d anticipated problems way before – even before their son made his way into their life. They remembered when they would spend nights after nights considering if everything was a right decision, and wondering if they’d ever be ready for it. But truth was, they’d never be ready for it. Parenthood was something that they’d never experienced before. It’s a whole new experience and definitely an important turning point in their life. Ups and downs; those were all understatements of what they had to face inwardly. It’s more than just taking care of another human being, it’s also nurturing him, having to face internal conflicts and sleepless nights and a lot of hugging and comfort but at the end of everything, when they looked back, they realized that ‘regret’ was never part of their sentiments to everything they’d committed to.

Seeing their son grow was a delight of its own – from being a baby with no words to how he learned to crawl, to talk and then, to stand by himself and as days, then years passed, they could see themselves in their son so clearly that everything seemed more like a dream than anything else to them.

There were nights when they’d lie on their bed, both saying nothing, merely staring at the ceiling, but yet both clearly awake. They knew what was in each other’s thoughts, and they knew that it was only a matter of time when one of them would inch towards the other, cuddle against them, feeling them, holding each other in their arms, comforting the distracting thoughts that had come to synchronize in each other’s head. Words hadn’t been necessary between them for them to understand each other. And it was particularly useful at times like this when words were the hardest tool to use to materialize their feelings.

But, despite everything, things had gone surprisingly well; they’d raised their son pass his elementary years and now, he’s properly in high school, a miracle of its own.

“Hm?”

“What is it?”

Noiz looked up from his papers, finding Aoba staring at his Coil with a difficult-looking face. Working together in the same room, same building, was something they’d decided upon when their son had just entered high school, finally being able to focus on something else while their son grew. Aoba had done spectacularly throughout the years. He’d been a tremendous help to Noiz. Despite his early road bumps, he seemed to be coping well with everything else and it had been something that Noiz admired very much of him; even when he never told him.

“He’s not coming back for dinner,” Aoba repeated the message on his Coil.

Noiz frowned. It’s been the fifth day in a row now. They had no intention whatsoever to thrust their noses into whatever their son wanted to do and many times, they’d close an eye to whatever he did. But, a limit was still a limit. And, at the end of the day, they’re still his parents. No parents would ever _not_ care for their child.

“Did he say why?”

“No. The usual.”

The usual “ _I’m not coming back for dinner today. Will be late._ ”. They’d considered bad influences, they’d seen bruises on their son’s body once a while; but they wanted to trust him enough – they wanted to believe that he knew his boundaries despite them being quiet about it.

“Noiz, do you think…”

“Yeah,” Noiz put his pen down, rubbing a thumb against his temple. “I think we should.”

He closed his eyes, trying to figure out a possible solution for this situation when he felt a pair of hands on his shoulders, pressing on his tensed up muscles.

“Don’t worry,” Aoba had come to stand behind him, the pressure he input in Noiz’s shoulder comfortable and comforting. “We’ll figure something out, as usual.”

He wondered how he’d ever survive without Aoba. With a smile, he picked Aoba’s hand up from his shoulder, pulling him over so that Aoba was sitting on his lap then, noticing the twinkle in Aoba’s eyes, and the next thing they knew, their lips were on each other, a reflexive impulse of its own.

Words were never necessary. They’d come to know about it ever since they first met each other. They simply knew the best way to confront each other’s feelings, the way only each other knew. And, with another gaze at each other, alongside another deep kiss, they’d have their resolutions made with just that momentary gesture.

* * *

They were both up and awake, sitting in the couch in the living room, leaving the television on but they knew none of them were paying attention to it anyway. They were more concerned with the ticking of clock, the warmth of each other, and every possible sound from their door. Then, when the clock passed eleven, they heard small noises from the door. Giving each other a knowing look, they shifted their gaze to the television, pretending to be interested in the news of a latest building development, and peeking from the corners of their eyes as their son, Wilhelm, emerged from the front door, staring wide-eyed at them when he noticed that they’re still awake.

“I’m home,” he said simply, about to walk into the kitchen when Aoba stood.

“Welcome home,” he said, trying not to sound too stern. “Can you come over here for a bit?”

Wilhelm freeze in his actions, but he did as he was told anyway. Putting his bag on the couch, he sat in another, crouching and visibly avoiding his parents’ gaze.

“How’s school?” Aoba started, still had his eyes on his son. He’d noticed the blood stains on his blond hair; he obviously tried to wipe it off before he came into the house. There’s a fresh bruise near the corner of his eyes, the light-brown of his orbs wavered ever so slightly when Aoba attempted to take a better look at it.

“The usual,” Wilhelm responded meekly, sounding totally unconcerned.

“Have you been catching up?” Aoba pressed. It was an unnecessary question; their son had always been one of the best students in school.

“Yeah,” he answered nonetheless.

“Mind explaining what’s been up with you?” Noiz didn’t seem like he could deal with the slow pace of flow anymore as he interrupted, immediately earning a sideway glare from Aoba.

But, their son seemed to have anticipated it as he lowered his head, trying to hide the scar on the other side of his face before Aoba came to squat in front of him, holding his hands, which are now curled into fists, in his own.

“You know you can always tell us anything,” he said, gentle. “We’re not trying to scold you or anything. We’re just worried.”

“…I know.” He would’ve missed the small voice if he hadn’t been in such a close distance with his son. “I don’t want you to worry.”

“Then you need to tell us what’s going on,” Noiz had stood too, joining his husband and his son. “We wouldn’t know if you don’t tell. We can’t read minds.”

Aoba could but, well, he’s definitely not one to use it for a situation like this.

They allowed their son to take their time; it’s a situation they’re both familiar with and they were certain that their child had inherited that part from them as well – overthinking and having too much thoughts in their heads that it’s hard to put into words. They’d give their son all the time he needed. At the very least, it didn’t seem like he was trying to escape from the topic either, which was a good sign of its own.

“I…” After what seemed to be an eternity, Wilhelm spoke, tone heavy. He swallowed down his throat, pausing, then, taking a deep breath, he looked up, right into Aoba’s eyes, ones that were very similar to his own. “I’m weird.”

“Eh?” Aoba’s eyes brightened while Noiz frowned from behind.

Their son raised a hand then, tracing the fresh scar on his cheek, then staring at the dried blood on his finger. Now that he could properly see his face, Aoba couldn’t help but restrain a hitch of breath. Aside from the new wounds, he was also staring at an expression that he was more than familiar with – one that was dismissive yet expressive, and one that he’d seen on Noiz from a distant history he wished he didn’t need to revisit.

“I can’t–” Their son tried to speak again, but stopped, yet again, seemingly finding difficulties to put thoughts into words. But then, Noiz had come to sit by his side, one arm encircling around his body, pulling him close.

“You’re not weird,” he said, tone flat. When he met eyes with Aoba, they instantly knew.

It’s one of the fears they’d anticipated when they decided to have a child of their own. And, despite knowing the possibility of it, they still decided to commit themselves into it. They remembered holding each other in their arms, with Aoba telling Noiz that regardless of what was to happen, if they could go through it the first then they could do it the same again for the second. They had the experience, and it’s their responsibility to guide their son through.

He grasped onto his son’s hand, lifting it so that he could kiss the scar on the back of it, the urge to break into tears had him swallowing down his throat multiple times. The hand in his was small, but it’ll continue growing, and they’ll see through the process of it.

Now, however, what they needed to do, was to make sure that history would not repeat itself again, and he was sure that the gaze Noiz was giving him now was meant to be a form of agreement.

This is what parents are for anyway – so that they could protect their child when he needed it; the way only parents could.


	21. Snip! [Noiz x Aoba]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things that Noiz noticed about Seragaki Aoba Part Infinity.

There were a lot of things he noticed about Seragaki Aoba when he first met him. Apart from his astounding Rhyme history, Seragaki Aoba’s entire appearance, alongside his compelling attitude was a league he never thought he would ever come to face. He’d come across people who’d often cross the wrong path with him but he’d never quite met someone like Seragaki Aoba; totally fearless, the gleam in his eyes a perfect indication of a strong figure – in ways perhaps in a definition that wasn’t Noiz’s to claim.

They were all distractions and he knew that he shouldn’t be caught up with things that held no significance to his motive. Organizing information into compartments and discarding useless details were his strength. And for a long time, he thought that he had all of them in control, that every other trivial detail about Seragaki Aoba had been gotten rid of and was no longer hindrance to his rational decision-making.

That was what he thought.

Until when he finally resided with this very person, under the same roof, that it came to his realization that those details were never discarded after all. Out of his own conscious, those very details had been stored, quietly and safely, in one corner of his brain; like a treasure box, like a hidden compartment that was so sacred he refused to touch it just because he was afraid that he’d contaminate it.

Little by little, these seemingly frivolous information slipped back into his conscious mind, revived from the depth of his thoughts and by the time he came to notice, the threat of these details had landed an impactful blow on him.

Just like that.

His feelings towards Aoba was crystal-clear. There was no name he could put onto it but he doubted there’s anything at all that he could use to label their relationship. Aoba didn’t seem to be at all concerned about this; living with Noiz was a step obvious enough for the both of them to tell them where each of them stood in their life. Residing under the same roof was a huge step of its own – it was one that had pulled their distance closer, in ways that they didn’t anticipate. Circumstances like societal discrepancies, family pressure and even climate difference were things that they were prepared to face. But above all, they could never ever be prepared for what that could come to happen from within them – things like how it felt to wake up to the most precious person in their life sleeping just right beside them, or how it felt to confront each other’s feelings in ways that were both a physical and emotional sense. They weren’t prepared for the overwhelming crush of emotions they were to face when they came to look into each other’s eyes, finding a different glint in them that they had no idea of, nor they were prepared to hold each other in their arms, listening to their heartbeats, finding new emotions and new physical details about each other.

That was the wonder of staying with Seragaki Aoba. That was what that had opened the door to more impossibilities that they never thought was possible.

As he sat on the dining table, he stared as Aoba moved around in the kitchen, busying himself with the preparation of dinner, and frequently giving him a pout alongside a thin frown whenever he noticed that Noiz was staring. All Noiz did was releasing a small hum, then a smirk, that immediately had Aoba looking away again. He knew how self-conscious Aoba was, but the reason behind why he was being so bleak at Noiz was probably because he knew that Noiz was analyzing him from the inside-out again. And soon, he’d expect Noiz’s out-of-the-world comment, on things that held no significance whatsoever, testing his patience and constantly refraining himself from throwing the frying pan at his direction.

“Your–”

“Please keep quiet until I’m done with frying this egg if you don’t want it on your face.”

Noiz did as he was told. Falling silent, his eyes remained on Aoba’s back, the searing gaze sent chills down Aoba’s spine.

Once he’s down with the egg, he looked over his shoulder again, then quickly looked away the moment he met eyes with Noiz. He let out a light cough, wiping his hands on his apron then raising his hands with an intention to pull his ponytail off when he felt a pair of hands on his.

Surprised, he looked back, finding Noiz’s face right by his before he took an instinctive step backwards to pull their distance apart.

“Keep it,” Noiz said in a tone one octave lower than usual.

“Don’t tell me this has been what you are trying to say…” Aoba glowered.

“Hm?” Noiz hummed. “Is your egg done, by the way?”

“Huh? Yeah,” Aoba said, casting a quick glance at the frying pan just to make sure.

“Can I speak now?” Noiz asked again, still standing close with Aoba.

“I guess so…” Aoba trailed. He’s done cooking anyway. There didn’t seem to have any dangerous tools around him that he could use to kill a man so he thought everything should be safe. He took his apron off, hanging it aside, then turned around to properly face Noiz.

“So, what kind of observation have you found out today, Mr.Noiz?” he teased.

“One,” Noiz responded with a smirk. He paused, leaning towards Aoba, one hand tilting Aoba’s neck to one side as he brought he face close to his neck, licking along it. “You have very attractive neck.”

“Uh… Uhuh…”

“It’s dangerous, though. You’re fair, if I am to leave marks here, everyone would know what happened.”

“Then don’t,” Aoba spelled through gritted teeth.

“Not going to. Yet,” Noiz confirmed with a satisfying sigh. He pulled himself away from Aoba, then raising a hand to touch on the knotted part of Aoba’s hair, where his ponytail was put into place.

“Two,” he continued, pulling provocatively on the rubber band. “Your hair has grown longer.”

“Oh, now that you mentioned it.” With that, Aoba twirled the end of his hair as well, as if measuring its length. “I guess so. I haven’t gotten it trimmed since… I came here?”

“That’s half a year,” Noiz commented, the tone of disbelief clear in his voice.

“Well, yeah,” Aoba agreed. “I’m not used to have someone else cutting my hair, to be honest.”

“How did you do it back in Midorijima?”

“I used to cut it myself,” Aoba answered. He combed the long strands of his hair with his fingers; he was sure that it was waist-length now if he was to put it down. “I’m sure you know about this but you see, it used to hurt even if I’m just touching it like this.”

Noiz nodded. He was well aware of it, but Aoba hadn’t been mentioning much about it anyway, the information about nerves on his hair was limited in his brain capacity. He wasn’t sure if it was his place to probe on it, even.

“Did it hurt if you cut it yourself then?”

“A bit,” Aoba responded. “I don’t think it’ll hurt now, though. So maybe I should get a haircut one of these days.

“But you aren’t used to having someone else cut your hair,” Noiz repeated.

“That’s right,” Aoba chuckled. “I could cut it myself but,” he paused, flicking a playful gaze at Noiz’s direction. “There’s a first to everything, right?”

For some reason, a thin frown had appeared in between Noiz’s eyebrows. Catching Aoba in surprise, he was about to ask but Noiz had then twirled his fingers around Aoba’s hair, his free hand raised to pull the band off the knot.

Aoba’s hair flowed; it wasn’t entirely messy, the layering of it was still beautiful, perhaps all it needed was a quick trim and a shorten of length.

If that’s so…

“I can do it.”

“Eh?”

“I can cut it for you,” Noiz repeated.

“W-wait, wait, wait a minute, Noiz, you’re saying that you want to cut my hair for me?” Aoba shook his hands vigorously in front of Noiz, his eyes widened in surprise.

“Is there a problem?” Noiz’s frown deepened.

“No, I mean…”

“So you’re saying you’d rather a stranger cut your hair for you than having me, _your partner_ , to cut it for you?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“There’s no problem,” Aoba raised his voice as he put his hands on Noiz’s shoulders. “If you want to cut it, then I’ll let you. I’m just surprised. That’s all.”

Noiz perked a suspicious eyebrow, then, his expression softened before he let out a soft sigh. Aoba, however, had started grinning. He ruffled Noiz aggressively on his hair, his laugh louder with every passing second.

“Seriously, brat, you need to keep that emotion in check.”

“What emotion?” Noiz asked, sounded obviously displeased.

“That _jealousy_ of yours,” Aoba smirked.

Noiz looked away then, but Aoba was quick to press both of his hands on his face, pushing it so that Noiz was staring right into his eyes.

“You can do whatever you want, you can tell me whatever you want. But I won’t deny that it’s cute seeing you acting like this.”

“Wha–”

“Okay then!” Aoba interrupted his words. “I guess I’d need some mental preparation if my hair stylist is going to be my partner. Ah,” he stopped on his way out. “How about asking Koujaku for some advice? Perhaps he’d be able to give you some good tips.”

With that said, Noiz launched towards him. His fingers finding the loose strands of Aoba’s hair on the nape of his neck, he pressed his lips against it, kissing slowly, then sucking hard enough to leave a mark.

“Ah…! You–”

“Now no one could cut your hair for you without noticing this anymore,” Noiz ended with a flick of tongue against the kiss mark. “Please look forward to your next hair-trimming session.”

As Aoba stood rooted on the spot, one hand pressing on the back of his neck, he stared as Noiz walked away, into the room, probably looking up on ways to make a good haircut. He smiled with a sigh, then, shaking his head several times, he walked into his own room, about to text Koujaku for some advice.

For Noiz.


End file.
